becareful little minds what you think..........

Today has a been a rough day for me. I have had a lot of emotional downs. I wish I could say I do not know why but in fact I do know. I just wish I did not though. One, I have not been taken my medicines (thyroid, depression, estrogen, etc...) for a few days as the holidays have kept me distracted. Two, I am too emotionally led astray, it is my weakness. I wish for people, all people, to like me. If for some reason they do not, or seem as if they do not, it concerns me a great deal. It's not that I want to be the most popular girl around but I do not want to be unpopular either. Sometimes it feels as if people not liking me effects how I like myself. Now that may not make sense to some people but to me it makes perfect sense. 

There has been a lot of things in my past that can be seen as proof that people whom you would think would love me in reality love themselves more. I know that this isn't my fault and I know that these people truly did love me but had no idea how to show it to me. Through circumstances beyond my control it seems people have left my life forever without really seeming to care that I was hurt. I know I am not supposed to dwell on the past and honestly I do not. I do know though, that my past has helped to shape me into the being that I am today. I also know that God can reshape me into anything He wishes me to be, IF I let Him. It's that last part that always catches me; the IF. It's not like I do not want Him to shape me to fit His will, but I do not want to give up trying to handle it myself either. It's as if by letting go and giving to God I will be admitting failure. No one I know really wants to admit failure. To be honest with God though, we must. 

I started writing this post tonight not really knowing where this would go, how I would express my thoughts, what I would say or not say and still not let it become a pity party of 1, spread through out cyberspace. So I started praying. God give me the words to speak. Give me the guidance to clear my mind of all this self-pity. Through writing this I can see that the self pity is entirely my fault. I do not need people to like me, nor do I need to please others. Through pleasing God and letting His light shine I will not feel lonely. I will not feel sad. It is a hard thing to do though, so I truly do covet your prayers.

Right before starting this post I read a post from a facebook friend. The lady that posted it is always posting wonderfully encouraging things to help people remember to focus on Christ. This is what she posted. 

WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A PLACE OF FEAR AND CONFUSION, GOD'S WORDS ARE STRONG: DON'T BE AFRAID! STAND FIRM! BE STILL!! STOP CRYING OUT!! MOVE ON!! TO BELIEVE Ex14:13-15

This hit me particularly hard because I have been on and off crying all day today. So, even in my self-pity God was calling out to me for me to find comfort in His arms. And that I do!  So despite the ups and downs of the emotional roller coaster that is called my life God can even out the tracks and make the ride smooth. 

There are three things I need to do more on a daily basis to ensure that I keep my eyes focused, and my heart also, on Him. 

1. READ THE  WORD!!!! 

2. Pray without ceasing.

3. Give to God and not let my self worth be determined by others but by Him. 

oh and 4. take my medicines daily to help take care of the body God gave me.

Writing this blog is truly therapeutic for me. I write to clear my mind, to get my thoughts out in the open and to refocus them on Christ. This blog lets me do that in a way that I never would have imagined. Although I would love your comments and your insight, that is not the reason I write this blog, and it certainly is not needed for me to like myself. Without God I am nothing but WITH God I am everything! And so are you!!!

change your expectations

I do not plan on writing this for too long this evening because I am tired......... It's been a long but really enjoyable day. Christmas is my favorite time of year. My birthday and Christmas are the only "holidays" I truly love.
Today I have had a few thoughts scampering around my brain. One of them has been to lower your expectations. you see Christmas can be wonderful or frustrating and sad. IT depends on your perspective and your expectations of the day. What will you get? How will dinner turn out? Will everyone get along? Will everyone like the gifts I bought them? There are so many things that can not only distract us from the true meaning of the celebration but also make us feel down in the dumps. This has happened to me more times then I care to admit. A number of years ago I used to have my expectations for presents much higher then I do now. You see women tend to think differently then men regarding many things, purchasing gifts is one of them. although my husband's intent was to buy things for me that I would love and that would show his love for me, he didn't always succeed. Now, I love my husband more then life itself (but not as much as God) but he doesn't always know what I like despite our 16 years of marriage. So when gift opening time came I always got disappointed, disappointing him in the process. Now, I focus on his intent instead of the gift. This year my husband bought me things that I would use, things that are practical and things I enjoy, such as bubble bath and a bath pillow. Now, although the gifts I received are not extravagant, nor are then fancy, they are things I love. Thought was put into the gifts. To me, now tha tI take thet ime to understand the love that went into picking out the gifts, I am no longer disappointed. I am rather thrilled that my husband loves me so much he thougth to vget that item, even if it is not one I would usually pick out.

So, don't set your expectations too high at Christmas time. No matter if you get exactly what you wished for or you received something stupid and lame, you are loved and that is always more important.

Thinking of how much you are loved, reminds me of how much we are all loved; by God. You see God gave up a part of Himself, His very own child, His only child. He did that because He wanted to spend eternity with His creations, us. He wanted to spend time with those He loves. His son, Jesus Christ, willingly gave up his Godhood for a time to become human, knowing full well that he would be ridiculed, tormented, attacked, sold for silver, beaten beyond recognition then hung on a cross to die. He was buried in a sealed tomb in the cold hard ground. But he did this all because He knew that it was the only way to get to spend eternity with those he loves. He rose from the grave to prove his love to us. What a love that is!!!!

So, I have two things to take for all this; do not set your expectations for gifts so high that you get disappointed and expect more from Christ as He loves you more then you know!

I pray you all had a wonderful Christmas, I know we did!

enjoying things to do

Have you ever been so busy that you feel as though you have to think to even breathe? Have you ever not had any time for yourself to relax? It's days like that that make me go crazy. It seems that I have a lot more of those days recently. By the end of the night I am very tired. The next morning I wake at 6, just in time to start babysitting.....

Well, tomorrow I do not have to babysit at 6 am so I am staying up late and relaxing. I made Christmas cards and watched a movie. It's times like this that I miss.

So anyhow, I was able to make 6 handmade Christmas cards tonight. I felt great afterwards! How refreshing it is to sit and relax doing something I really enjoy!

I am off to bed now but before I go I encourage yoiu to take the time to sit and do something just for you that you find really enjoyable. :) It is a refreshing few moments just for you. :)

God Bless

resting in His peace

Today was one of those days. You know the type; everything seems to try your patience. Everything seems to go belly up or fall flat on it's face. Well, today was that kind of day............

The days started out wonderfully. We all got up on the "right side of the bed' as the saying goes. :) And that is easy for me because I sleep on the right side of my bed! lol  Adam got up with us this morning because he wanted to go to prayer with us. Daniel wanted to stay home. Adam really just wanted to help us move some things around at church but to do so he had to attend prayer first as moving things followed the weekly prayer meeting. :D I guess that is one way to get him to come with us! lol

So, after prayer and rearranging rooms at church we had to go grocery shopping. If you have an aspie in your house you know that can be a challenge at times, especially around this busiest time of the year. Well, I have two aspies! lol The first store we went to was Wal-Mart Super-center. That went ok as I did most of the shopping without anyone else helping me. Mike helped a bit, and for that I was thankful. Adam went off on his own and left us to do what we had to get done. Then it was off to Aldi's for more grocery shopping. This can be challenging because the store isn't that spacious and I had a big list... One aspie was really wise and stayed in the car. He let me shop without him. :) Adam chose to listen to his book rather then shop, so Mike and I went in shopping by ourselves. We had a lot of things to get. Mike was really trying to be very helpful but he was actually stressing me out. I felt rushed and not able to think of what I needed to purchase. So far today, I felt drained.... After shopping we got into the car and Mike and I had a fight. I felt sooo bad afterward because he was only trying to help me.... He was really trying to be sweet but in my perfectionistic attitude and my need to control I didn't see it. So anyhow, on the way home Mike, being the sweet wonderful husband he is, stopped by another Aldi's that we were passing so that I could get the things the other Aldis's either didn't have or I had forgotten to get. So, I went in and got those few items. On the way home we went. All the groceries were taken upstairs and put away with out a problem.

Adam and I went to the library and the dollar store. We had a nice quiet mother and son time.


Then a few hours later Adam was getting hungry. He usually wants to eat in the living room, watching a video. It's not something I am particularly fond of, and really should not allow it as often as I do. Anyhow, Adam was getting a bowl of cereal ready to eat. Unlike any normal person he doesn't pour the cereal and then the milk and then goes to sit down. He brings all the supplies into the living room with him, then sets up the tv tray then pours the cereal and milk, then sits to eat. I have no idea why he does it this way but he always has. Well, I'm not sure why he thought that putting the milk on the couch while he set up the tv tray was a smart thing to do but that is what he did. And you guessed it! The whole full gallon tipped over and spilled all over our wall to wall carpeting, covering a large area. Of course, with the Christmas tree the furniture is a bit more cramped together then usual and the older couch got some milk on it too. I was not a happy person! Adam felt really bad but I still got pretty mad at him. Not for the spilled milk, but because he doesn't think all the way through sometimes, most times and as a result about a quart of milk went everywhere, or so it seemed. That was problem number two. Shopping was rushed and I felt stressed then I almost cried over spilled milk, literally. 

As I was cleaning up from dinner I started to see how gracious God was through out my rough day. He protected me while shopping as it was very busy and I was very tired and stressed. He gave me a wonderful husband who only wanted to help me. He gave us enough money to provide for all the groceries we wanted to get and then some. He protected Daniel while he was home alone for hours by himself. He gave Adam peace and a repentant heart. He gave me time to rest while everyone watched a video. He guided me to bit my tongue, although I didn't listen to Him as much as I should have.

So you see, even during the rough parts of life God is gracious, loving and kind. He is always there for us no matter what we do, no matter where we go. We can never be outside his grasp or his protection. He will never leave us nor forsake us. He is closer then a brother, close then a father, closer then your mother.... We cannot fathom how much He loves us, especially when we screw up and fall flat on our faces. Sometimes in order for us to realize how much we are not listening to Him we need to be brought to our knees. I just wish I didn't make the happen as often as I do, but I am thankful in more ways then I can count, that God is there for me no matter what. :)

Thanksgiving blessings........

I have so many thoughts running in my hear that I could blog about but I'm not sure what one I want to start with. Since tomorrow is thanksgiving (and my birthday) I feel very blessed right now. Thanksgiving is a wonderful time but too many people like to act as if it is all about the food and friends and family, not about God. You know it really is about God though for without Him you wouldn't have the blessings that you have now. With out Him you wouldn't have anything for it is out of  His love and grace that we are blessed. :)

As you eat your turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce remember where your blessings really come from and thank Him most of all.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!

today is a new day

So you wake up in the morning and think ok, so today is a new day. What will this day hold for me. I pray it holds wonderful blessings.

Some days that is not an easy thing to wake up and say. Some days I find myself struggling just to be happy. Now those days are not the usual anymore, thanks be to God but they still do happen.During my worst days it was hard to just get the household chores done, let alone anything extra, least of anything that brought happiness to me, or anyone else around me. It was during those times that God helped hold me together. He held me high and strong. In His arms was I comforted.

Those days are pretty much past now but I still have some bad days. When I do have the bad days I take time to recount my blessings.I remind myself how much God has blessed me and how much He loves me.

He does love me so much. He loves me so much that even if I was the only created being in the whole universe He still would have sent His son to die for me so that I can spend eternity in Heaven with Him. Wow.... I am in awe just thinking that....

This past Sunday church service was a bit unusual for us. Our pastor did a small teaching and then opened the service u to anyone who wanted to share their testimony or praise. It was wonderful. to hear others praise His name and thank Him for their blessings was at times a tearful thing to experience. Tears of joy and thanksgiving............. So many people were thankful for their families and for the church congregation, which is to be expected and is wonderful to hear. But one gentleman said something that will stay with me for quite some time.

"He saw me when he said let there be light.
He saw us, He saw me, when He went to make man in His image.
He saw us, He saw me, when he told Abraham to go make a sacrifice."
...........       ...............         ..............
but He did it anyway.......
...........       ...............         ..............

"One day we will get to see Him face to face.

One day we will get to throw the crowns at His feet...... "

To think that God knew how the world would turn out, He knew that people would not only disrespect Him and disobey him but that people, human beings, His creations, would belittle Him, hate Him, try to remove Him from all aspects of life and He still made each one of us so that one day we can spend time with Him in eternity.

Wow! No matter what anyone says to me, or to you, nothing will change that.  To think back and remember all the horrible things man has done, I have done, and all the selfishness humans, I have in them, in me. To think all the times we have turned our back s on Hm and He still loves us.

God loves each one of us more then we could ever imagine, more then our puny human minds can comprehend. God loves us despite our horribleness, despite our flesh and our constant disobedience to Him.


now I do not know about you, but I am in awe.........


The sad thing about this is that most people only think this way on Thanksgiving, maybe Easter and Christmas. So out of 365 days in each year God has been put on the pedestal only 3 days? That is so not right!!!!

So I challenge you to wake up each day thinking today is the day that God has made. Today is the day I live for Him. Go and make a difference in your life, in others' lives, just by living for Christ. Go spread His Word by living for Him. They will know you by your fruit so make sure it's good righteous fruit. :)

I challenge you to honestly wholeheartedly love for Him. :)

Voting..... why I think women shoudl not do it.

Ok, so the voting is over for now. In my last post I stated I didn't vote even though I agree that it is vitally important. If I think it is so important why do I not vote then? Does Mike vote? Yes, my husband does, each and every election he can. I do not. At all? ... why?

Well, that is the question I have been asked time and time again. I have also asked myself that very question over and over again. Each time I state my reason people think I am strange. I am strange but not because I do not vote. lol

Ok think about it. This country, the United States of America, was founded on the principle that men governed the house and the government, made the money to provide all the needs for the family and were the spiritual leaders in their homes. Women stayed home and took care of the kids, the husband, the house and the cooking. This country was founded on religious freedom. Yes, there were many people from other religions and other regions that came to the US to seek freedom but I am thinking mainly of the Pilgrims that came over to be free from the religious rule in England. Back then life seemed good, hard but good.  Men knew their role and women knew their role. These roles were designed by God. Women grew up knowing they would be mothers and housekeepers. Men grew up knowing they would work to provided for their families. There was not the competition for each others' job as each knew the importance of their own job. They knew that by doing their own jobs they were an important and vital part of the family and society.

Then came this notion of "woman's equality", as if being a mom or a housekeeper was of no importance. Without moms where would we all be? Without support, comfort, nurturing, prepared food, washed laundry, cleaned houses, where would we all be? Without moms I know I would be a big fat mess, literally.... I mean it. I wouldn't know how to eat properly, clean and maintain my household, raise my children to respect adults, and to work hard in everything they do. Without mom, I would probably overeat because it would seem ok. I would probably live in a messy house because I wouldn't know the importance of cleaning and the benefits of living in a clean house. Without moms I would be lost.

So anyhow, back to the voting issue. As you can see mom's place in the house is very vitally important. As is dad's role. He provides the income to buy the necessities we need and want on a daily basis. He protects us from harm and helps us stand up proud and respectable. He teaches us scriptures (hopefully) and to love but fear the Lord. He teaches us manners and respect of authority by being humbled in your job and doing your job for God not man.

As I said men had their place and women had their place and life was good. Then came 'woman's rights". Women, as God cursed them to be, wanted to be equal if not better then men. Let them work in the man's world of employment. Treat them the same even though they are proven to be a physically weaker and more emotionally unstable (or prone to be at times). Treat them to stand on their own two feet without the support of men. Let them work hard, shout their opinions loudly and vote in politics. Raising a family became less important during this time and since.....Woman have put their own desires and emotions above the needs God has ordained them to fulfill.

Where has this gotten us in the many years since woman's equality has been gained? Women still are not equal, in any true sense of the word, to men. Women typically get paid less for the same job a man does. Women are typically over looked and refused employment if a man is available and willing to do the job. (Yes, it is illegal but I know it still happens) Women need maternity time off, which is a downfall on their part. More women take sick days then men when a child is home sick from school. Women have developed many more health problems, related to physical and emotional stress, over the years that women in decades past did not have. Women have suffered in so many ways due to this woman's right to equality was "won". Men still see women as weaker and not as capable to complete the job needing to get done. Men still drool and pant over women. (Don't tell me you don't cause I happen to know you do! Even if it is in your mind.) Men still see women as sex tools and "property". Men still try to control women whether you believe it or not.

So, again, we are back to why I do not vote a I have yet to explain that. lol

As you can see I do not like the fact that women have put their foot down and demanded the same equality as men. I feel women, in general, should NOT vote. But this is my opinion and I have yet to meet a person who thinks this also and that is ok with me. I feel women should mind their God given place and stay out of man's affairs, including government issues.. I think women should stay home and raise their kids themselves rather then shoving them off to day care. I feel women should treat their husbands with more respect and make the home a stress free environment for their spouse to come home to. I think women should not do things that distract them from their God given role as caretakers.

I think by voting women are still trying to get the upper hand. Women are still trying to show the world that they are equal to men. But we are not really. Yes I did just say that. Women as just as important but not equal. How can they be just as important but not equal? Well, let's see, god has joined man and woman in holy matrimony but the man is the head of the household just as Christ is the head of the church. With out woman, man would be lost still out there trying to seek some way to satisfy his longing and desires. With out men women would be out their looking for someone to fulfill their need to be loved. Men and women are made (literally and metaphorically) for each other in every sense of the way. They complete each other but have two different roles in the household and in society.

I think the country really needs to get it's knees to the ground and spend some time in repentance and humility before God. I think one step in the right direction would be for women to focus on their families and not on themselves or their society. If you are not married, or have no kids (and cannot have them) then maybe, just maybe I could see a woman voting, but to me it is not necessary or prudent.

If men would stand up and take their role seriously, and women would let them do so, then thins country wouldn't be in the problems it is in now.

I know lots of people will look  at this blog and think I am nuts, and maybe I am. I am standing strong on the Word of God and taking my role as a wife, mother, nurse, maid and teacher very seriously. I encourage my husband to take his role as the spiritual and financial provider for our family just as, or more so, serious as He will be accountable for his family before God when the day comes.

I know there are many unmarried single moms out there. I also know that some wives (and mothers) have lost their spouse in a death or divorce. They have to work to provide for their family. But in most cases this needn't be so. If the men would stand up and do as God asked them to then women wouldn't be "forced" to work to provide for their family.

Ok, I am off my soap box now. Thank you for letting me explain my thoughts.

why I hate halloween...

Ok, so there is no big news when I saw that I hardly ever HATE anything...... but here I am putting it out there for the world to see, I HATE HALLOWEEN!!!! But why? It can be very innocent and many wonderful people celebrate it, right? Well, I guess that is one way you could put it. It's not what I would agree to though.

So, why do I abhor this particular holiday so much? Could it be it's pagan origins? Could it be that it is against my "religion"? Could it be that I am against kids having fun? Maybe I didn't celebrate it as a kid. But wait! I did. My parents let me and my siblings go trick or treating every year. They even encouraged us to go when we thought we were too old to go. I dressed up for school and loved coming up with costume ideas. So, if I celebrated it when I was young why do I hate it now that I am grown? Don't I want my kids to have innocent fun? I mean I could only allow them to dress up as innocent things such as angels, cowboys and puppies but instead I take away all that enjoyment. WHY?


Well, it could be traced back to it's pagan origins, but although they are not good that is not the true reason for my hate. One could say that it's just a dark holiday and my religion is against it. They would be right but again that is not my reason either. Remember I grew up Christian and still celebrated the holiday.


Ok, enough beating around the bush, here it is in a simple explanation. It is evil. It is dark. It is satanic. It is gruesome and just plain awful. The costumes and decorations have all become too graphic and encourages ghost and goblins, witches, scary movies, and making little ones scared. Yes there are some "innocent" families that do participate in the holiday with the good intentions of letting their kids have fun. I have a huge problem with this. Would you let your kids use swords to play fight each other? No, why not? It could hurt them right? Would you let them run across the street without looking? No, why? It could hurt them, right? Well, the same goes true for halloween. It could hurt them.


No I am not talking about them actually getting hurt, kidnapped or receiving tainted candy. I am talking about their spiritual health, not their physical health. Although there are many reasons that halloween could physically hurt your child, that is not very common anymore. Law enforcement has taken great steps to help ensure your child's safety, from x-raying candy to having kids trick or treat in malls instead of outdoors. They even go around and check on sex offenders to make sure they are home that night and that they do not entice children to knock on their doors. These are all wonderful steps to take, however, they are not enough.


What needs to be done is the responsibility of the parents, and the parents alone. Are you raising your child, no matter his/her age, in the way of the Lord? Are you raising them to love and fear God Almighty? Are you teaching them to avoid sin and repent when you fall into temptation? If you are then that is wonderful, but it is not enough. Not by far. As a parent we need to guide them not to easily be led into temptation. We need to show them how to avoid temptation. We need to avoid things that are not edifying or uplifting in the Lord.


So, is halloween edifying? no! not in the least in any sense of the imagination. Yes, it did start out with pagan gods and it did start out with satanic rituals but now it has become an easy way for kids to gather candy and companies to make money. What is so wrong with that? There isn't anything evil in that is there? Well, not on the surface but look around you on halloween night. What do you see? Ghosts, goblins, scream characters, gory & scary movies, haunted houses, witches, more paranormal shows and so on. Are these edifying? no! not in the least. What if your child is dressing up as an angel is that ok? no, and here is why. Would you justify your child going to a party that the parents weren't present at? Why not? Would you allow your child to go to a concert that you know drugs will be used at? No, why? Because you do not want your child have anything to do with that. You do not want them to be tempted and you do not want them to be guilty by association, right? EXACTLY!!! That is my point. Why would you allow your child, or yourself, to participate in a holiday that you know has evil origins? Even if those origins aren't very visible you know that they are there. You know in your heart that halloween, being the high holy day of the satanic cult, is a evil day. It is the day that the most sacrifices are made on. People protect their animals most on that night because of the threat of sacrifices. So tht is the reson we decide not to participate in the holiday. but not the reason I hate it so much.


Ok, everyone knows I love love love (did I say love? chocolate and you would think I would be in my glory having a night that seems to worship the love of candy, specifically chocolate, right? Well, no I do not. Even though I love chocolate so much, my love for Christ is bigger then my love for chocolate. On halloween companies and people have profited off of the commercialism that the evil holiday has produced. Companies know that people will buy candy, decorations, costumes, and many other things, all in the name of having fun wiht the kids. (What is so fun about scary things anyway?) I hate that the U of A and many other countries around the world love to commercialize, and therefore take the original meaning from, practically everything. I hate that! we have become such a commercialized, gimme, I want and I "need" type of society. What we really need is to seek Him, Christ. For only He can fill that void we are so desperately trying to fill with items and activities.


I hate the origins of the holiday. I hate the darkness the holiday exudes, I hate the commercialism it produces and I hate the love affair America seems to have with it all. Most of all I hate how the holiday tricks good christian folks into celebrating the holiday on terms claiming "it's not so bad...."

So, that is my soap box for now. I'm not saying I'm off my soap box for today as I might right why I hate women voting later today. That is a whole other post.....

the internet is not secure - people will find out...

Ok, so the other day I was frustrated. My husband made me cry. He didn't mean to but it happened. He felt bad that he made me cry. Forgiveness is truly a gift from God because I know in my heart I am not one who wishes to forgive if my feelings are still hurt. Anyhow, with in the hour we were both doing well. The argument was over and forgiven. But I wanted to talk to someone about my hurt feelings. I wanted to be self-centered for a few minutes. In my mind it was "all about me". I called me best friend. We talked for a few and then I felt better. But what if I came online and used my blog to vent? Would that be ok? NO!!!!

But why? Why would using my blog to blow off some steam not be a good idea? Ok, so it may not be a good idea but what makes it not an ok idea either? First, do I really want everyone reading about my marital "problems"? Nope, I don't. I don't want others to think bad of my husband. I don't want people to judge the relationship I have with him.

If you go with what your mom probably taught you, "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all"  then it certainly wouldn't be ok for you to even call your best friend as I did. I know she doesn't need to hear my bad thoughts of Mike. I also know that if those feelings are kept bottled inside of me they do nothing but get bigger. So letting them out helps keep the problem from getting worse. Does that fact make it ok to blab about my bad feelings? No, not really.... So what's a girl to do?

If you are like me then you are a raging mess of a roller coaster of hormones and feelings. Women's feelings can go up and down, be hot or cold, many times during the day. Sometimes the only way, its seems, to difuse these feelings is to let them out.

But, think about it. What if the tables were turned? What if your spouse was the one with the raging hormones? What if your spouse was the one who blabbed and vented about you to his friends? How would you feel? I bet you would feel the same way I know I would feel. I would feel hurt and unloved. I would feel betrayed. I would be angry at my husband for spreading our business (in a probably not so nice way) to others that have no business being involved. So, if that is how I would feel then what am I making my husband feel like? You might say "well he doesn't know I say those things so I'm not making him feel bad". Well, just as I mentioned in the title today, people will find out. The Scriptures say your sin will find you out.

Is blabbing and venting sin? Well, yeah I guess it is. Of course I do not want to admit that because then it means that I have sinned in that area more then once, more then twice, truthfully it's been a lot. How I feel about it, how knowing it is sin makes me feel really doesn't change the fact that it is sin.

So how can we, as women who are designed with feelings that get easily hurt, vent and get those horrible feelings off our chest without destryoing the relationship we are in? I can't tell you exactly because I have never figured it out. I can say that giving it to God helps a lot. Giving it to God is probably the only thing we can do. I know it's the only thing we should do.

Being angry, hurt and frustrated are actually actions, not feelings. Think about it. When you are angry, what do you do? You usually act out in one way or another, be it venting, yelling or stomping around. If you are hurt you usually mope around, cry or complain. If you are frustrated, what do you do? If you are like me I get irritated and upset. I complain and demand things calm down so I can concentrate. All these are actions... they are things we do. But, you say, anger, hurt and frustration are feelings but the things we do when I feel them are the actions, right? NOT SO!

No matter what you feel, (yes I am included myself in this whole discussion) is exhibited in your behavior. You chose to act on those "feelings" When you love someone you are sweet and caring to them. When you hate someone you are cold shouldered to them. Your "feelings' are shown in your actions. But can you change your "feelings" by changing your actions? YOU BETCHA!!!

Giving our "feelings" over to God helps us not only desire to change our behavior but we actually can change it. So I challenge you, and myself, the next time you are hurt, angry or frustrated (or any other "feeling" that can lead to bad behavior) give your thoughts, feelings and actions over to God. Only He can help you change those feelings and actions into something positive.

Ok, I wrote this today is response to a post I put on my facebook page this morning. "If you have something not so nice to say or if you want to vent about people on facebook just remember that everyone sees, or hears this at one time or another. So if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything. :)"

When I put that post on facebook I was actually thinking of when Mike and I got into a bit of a argument the other night.  Now, we do not argue much and when we do it is usually because of me. I am being honest about it. I am a selfish person who wants her own feelings attended to and who wants her own way. My feelings are hurt easily. Trying to improve myself I am giving things to God more often. I have seen a bit of an improvement. However, the other night when Mike and I argue I called my best friends and vent about Mike. I was upset and called him some not so nice names, (not swear words mind you). I shouldn't have though. I should have called him names I shouldn't have called m best friend to complain as it's not her business.

I am also writing this in response to another comment someone told me recently. No matter what the privacy settings on your facebook account are things can be seen by others you may not want to have see them. On the internet things are never really private. Things can also get back to someone who you would rather not have known those things.

Today, when writing this post I originally wanted to complain about someone I know. I do not want that person to know I was complaining about them so I was thinking how do I say this or that without that person being offended? Then it hit me! I shouldn't say anything if I have to think that question. My being upset at that person is my business, not yours. It is something I should take up with that person, not you. It really is an action. If I am really upset about it I need to give it to God and to change my thoughts. I shouldn't let my thoughts dictate my feelings or vise versa. Then I thought well, it really isn't that big of a deal to lose the friendship over and I do not want to bring it up to this person so I think I will just not talk about it. But remember what I said about feelings that are not dealt with? They fester? If it is not important enough to bring up to this person and it's not big enough to bother with then it's not big enough to fester about either.... Giving it to God is the only recourse I really have in dealing with these feelings so they don't turn into sinful actions like gossiping or animosity.

So I urge you, no matter what your feelings are about different things and different people give them to God and let Him direct their paths.

Love you all and pray for your hearts to be close to the Almighty God.

Have a great day!!!

ok take two...

This is the second time I am attempting to write this blog. The first time didn't go well as I hit a wrong key and lost what I wrote. Don't worry, it wasn't that much, just a few words actually. This did get me thinking though, you ever wish you could have a take 2 in your life. I certainly do some days. But we do not get a take two..... so I guess we have to make the best of what we do do. We have to think before we act and we have to think before we react. Lots of times we act or react out of habit and reflex. Is that the proper thing to do though? no. our instincts and our reflexes are full of fleshly desires and thoughts. We need to focus on Christ's will and desire for us. That includes how He wishes we would behave. To act as God wishes us to take discipline and thoughts. It takes determination and planning. when we act without thinking it usually gets us in to trouble. Ok, not usually, almost always... think about it though, it's true.

We are still like children in God's eyes. We still have a lot to learn. Just like a child who wanders off on his own we get lost in our own world without direction. Adults help children stay on the right track, stay out of trouble. God helps us do the same. Before you go on about your day I urge you to ask God for guidance. He is always willing to help out. :)

I am sitting here.........

Ok, so that is what I am doing, sitting here... doing nothing. I'm thinking though., thinking of what to write. I wish to write but am not sure what to write about. I do not like when that feeling happens. Being unsure is not something I am very comfortable with. I'm sure most people feel that way though. I mean who wants to feel unsure about things? Who really wants to feel confused? I know I do not like it at all.
With God though, we can always feel sure about things. We can always rest in His arms and know He will help us through our tough times. With His comfort we can be assured that He has our best interests at heart and He will never lead us astray or into danger.

Us though? We lead ourselves into danger on a daily basis. Each day we follow our flesh to some degree. So why does that put us in danger?  Well, you ever hear the saying that you can't worship two masters? That is the just of the situation when you follow your flesh or won desires. You are "worshiping" or following your own fleshly desires.

When you were a kid I'm sure your mother told you not to do something that you thought was fun or entertaining. I am also sure that at one time or another you disobeyed her and did it anyways. You followed your own desires and not those of your mother. Did it get you into trouble? Maybe not the situation but the disobedience? I'm sure your mom didn't look to happy on the fact that you disobeyed her. You probably were punished in some way. Or you found yourself in a compromising situation that you could have avoided had you obeyed your mom.

That is the way it is with God. When we do not obey Him and follow His lead for us in our lives we place ourselves in compromising situations. We sometimes miss out of blessings that we could have had had we obeyed, or we end up in a situation we do not know how to get out of unscathed. If we had only listened to the guiding of the Holy Spirit we could have avoided the problem our disobedience has caused.

I don't know about you but I really do not want to find myself in compromising situations. I like being safe and sound. I like being protected. I like not getting into trouble.

So as you go about your day may you follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and may it keep you out of trouble.
I know I will try. :)

things to do

So today, and it seems like everyday lately, the kids are playing with Transformers, Bionicles or (in Daniel's case) board games. We woke up, played the computer, watched some tv then started school. We even worked through our lunch today which helped get the work done earlier then usual. :) This does not always happen but today it did, and today it made me a happy mommy. :)
There is so much around the apartment that I need to accomplish but instead I am sitting at the computer plinking around on it. Yes, I am getting up and down quite a bit as I am also making dinner. Oh, I am also washing and drying laundry so my family has clean clothes tomorrow and washing the dishes. lol See a mom's work is never done. Everyone always says "Mom, where is this? Mom, where is that? Mom, what's for dinner? Mom, can you buy this for me? Mom, can you help please?" or husbands are forever repeating  "Honey, I need my clothes ironed, Honey, what's for dinner? Is the laundry done? Do I have clean socks? What was in the mail today?" So many questions so little time to answer them all.
Do you ever feel that way? I sure do. Even if no one is asking me a zillion questions at that particular moment, I feel as if there are still a zillion questions needing answers and a zillion things needing done. I feel as if no matter how hard I work, no matter how long I work the work is never done. If I feel that way, I wonder how God feels?
I mean He has so much more to do then I do. Yeah, I know he doesn't have to fold laundry, find socks, make beds, sweep floors or cook dinner but he has to answer questions all day. He watches and protects each of His children, keeping them from making bad choices, and going down spiritually dangerous roads. He rewards all of His children for loving and following Him which mean He is watching them see if they are following His directions for their life. He is vigilant in doing so too.
Good thing I am not God. That is a lot of things to do! I couldn't keep up the pace and protect, watch and guide everyone. I can barely do that with my own family I know I couldn't do it with any others, let alone the whole world.
Isn't God amazing? I am blown away and in awe to think of all God does for me. It's not like I can repay Him or adequately thank Him for all He does. I could thank Him in the most elaborate ways, the most expensive ways for the rest of my life and still not even come close to what He deserves. One day every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that He is Lord and Savior of not only the Earth, not only the galaxy but of the universe! One day we will be in His glory for eternity, casting the crowns He has rewarded us with at His feet where they belong. I can't think of a more splendid way to spend eternity. :) I hope you agree. :)

today is the day

Ok, I have no idea what today is the day for but it sure is the day for something. lol We really should wake up each day and think today is the day for God to show me something wonderful. :) I know, I know, I don't even wake up that way each morning but we should you know? It would make our days start out on a better footing I can tell you that.

Today is the day that God shows me something amazing... When I figure out what it is I will let you all know. :)

As for now I am going to go teach my children.... have a great day. :)

don't want to be awake, don't want to go to sleep...

Ok, so it's 12:07 am on October 15th. It is late and I really should go to bed. I know I should. I really do not want to though. I want to be able to stay up late and get up late. I want to be lazy and relax all day tomorrow. I want to volunteer at the school and come home and scrapbook.
We do not get what we want for a majority of our life. We have things to do, people to take care of and places to be. Children need to be taught, husband's need clothing washed and dishes done. So who does it all? Yup, that's right -- mom. mom has a full life of things to do and usually they are not done for her only done by her.
Does this make me unhappy? yes and no. Well, I have to say honestly, no it does not. I only say yes on the small point that it really would be nice for one day to do what I wish with no other obligations. No one to cook for. No one to clean for. No one to teach. Just me, my television a few good movies, some books and some popcorn. If I even got a bath without interruptions I would be happy. lol
I do know that no matter what little time I do get to myself, I always miss my fmaily when it's quiet. I have had a bit of time wiht out anyone home, and besides being weird... I was missing everyone. I got bored easier and felt strange with no noise around from the boys.
So I guess, if you ask me would I rather be in a quiet, peaceful house where I could relax all day if I wished to or would I rather be busy with chores taking care of my family. Well, my family time beats alone time any day!
God has given females an inner desire longing to nurture and provide emotional support for others. When we do not do that we miss out on a big part of the blessing God provides us as women. Frankyl, not only do I not want to miss out on that but I have gotten used to all the chaos and noise I am surrounded by,
After what happened last school year having my children home, safe and sound with my is a dream come true!
So, despite my wishes, I really must go to bed as I have two teens to teach in the morning. :)
God loves you so much! pleas don't ever forget that. :)
Good night.

Daniel's life growing up with Moebius. :)

I was asked to write out Dnaiel's "story" for the many faces of Moebius website. The following is what I wrote. I thought Iwould share it here also. :) 

Daniel Preston is my youngest son. He is 13 years old and is a vibrant and energetic, albeit at times shy, young teenage boy. He was born with Moebius in 1997. At the time of his birth we really had no idea what Moebius was, or that it was indeed what Daniel had. Upon his birth he was whisked away from us and we were told he had no vocal usage and no facial muscle usage. He had less then normal movement in his limbs, and although everything seemed to be working just fine the doctor’s feared he would be a vegetable for life. He confounded the doctor's the day he was born. Daniel could not close his eyelids and he didn’t produce enough moisture to keep his eyes from drying out. His mouth did not close and his jaw was recessed quite a bit. His ears were tilted back more and were smaller then normal and his nipples were farther apart then normal. Daniel was also allergic to his own urine and had to be changed quite frequently. On top of all that he had a congenital kidney problem that might need surgery very soon. We left the hospital with our newly born wonderful little boy not knowing what would be in his future, or ours for that matter. 

During his first few years we saw many doctor's including geneticist, nephrologists, neurologists, ophthalmologists, urologist and audiologist. No one could clarify exactly what was wrong with our child though. Daniel became a human pincushion for the many doctors he saw as they had never seen a child with this condition before and could not accurately diagnose him. This became very frustrating and energy sapping for us all. He was truly a conundrum.

Daniel didn’t cry until he was 2 months old and then only if he was really angry or upset. Even then, it was only a moan or whimper. He did wiggle a bit which helped us know when he needed attention. He didn’t cry normally until he was more then 4 months old. He was bottle-fed but we had to hold both his cheeks when feeding him and he was syringe-fed for a time also. Daniel was born with Multicystic Dysplastic Kidney Syndrome. (We knew he would be born with this as the pregnancy ultrasound showed it prior to his birth. We just didn’t know how severe it was until his birth.) This is a big fancy way to say that one kidney didn’t work at all and looked like a rubbery pile of white grapes. His other kidney was getting back-washed urine from his bladder, which could lead to kidney infections, which could result in hospitalization. Daniel was put on antibiotics the day he was born. He stayed on them daily for 14 months. Due to Daniel being very sick with his kidney problem he was inattentive and lethargic the majority of the time. At this time we had no idea if Daniel could hear or see, as he showed no signs of doing either. His brainwave-hearing test came back normal but we still had no idea if he could truly hear. Daniel was very sick from 3 months old until 10 months old. He could not keep food down for long, had high fevers frequently and was constantly sick. After many visits to the pediatricians and the emergency room we were still left with out any idea of what was truly making Daniel sick. (We also had no idea that facial muscle problem was called Moebius, not facial muscle paralysis.) The doctor’s could not find anything wrong with him and the idea of his body rejecting his own kidney seemed preposterous to them. After much prodding from us the doctor’s finally decided to remove Daniel’s malformed kidney. At the age of 10 months Daniel had surgery to remove his bad kidney. After the surgery Daniel became a much happier kid, proof that his body was indeed rejecting his own kidney because it did not function nor even resemble a regular kidney. He was no longer sick with fevers or vomiting and actually gained weight quicker. Since his body was no longer rejecting his own kidney, this gave Daniel more energy to be a kid. He was running and talking (a first for both of those) the day after the surgery, even at 10 months old!  After his surgery he started showing signs of hearing and seeing. To us this was amazing! His paternal grandparents honestly thought, as we did, that Daniel was really deaf and blind before the surgery. They were very worried that he was mentally retarded also but they were afraid to say anything to us about it. His behavior changed drastically after the surgery; proving that this assumption was wrong. It finally felt like we had a more normal child, although he still didn’t vocalize or blink.

At 4 months old Daniel received his very first pair of glasses. His glasses were the smallest manufactured and the smallest that LensCrafters have ever fitted for a child. Because of his Moebius (again we didn’t know this was what he had at that time), the glasses needed to have side guards, again something LensCrafters had never done for a child this young before. These side guards helped protect Daniel’s eyes from dust and debris and also helped keep his eyes moist. Due to the special circumstances, Daniel's lack of blinking and the danger to his eyes that causes, LensCrafters paid for Daniel’s first pair of glasses, custom fitted with specially designed side guards. The manager and the technician were a recognized and given an award for their hard work in helping Daniel with his glasses. They truly were a blessing. We are very thankful to them. At this time the glasses were strictly to help keep moisture in front of his eyes. They had no prescriptions in them at this time.  He wore the glasses anytime we were out of the house or when the windows were open. The prescription glasses came at 9 months old. Although his eye doctor recognized Daniel’s facial condition as Moebius we were not informed of this until Daniel was more then 2 years old. He wore glasses full-time from 9 months old until he was about 5 years old. At 5 years of age he no longer needed glasses on a daily basis. At this time he was still not a very vocal child but he was a happy one. Daniel still had no facial reflexives and very little facial muscle usage. This did not stop him though. Daniel has always been, since his surgery at 10 months old, a very energetic child who is playful and inquisitive. He has never let his Moebius get the best of him for long. He had a while, when he was about 5 or 6 when he would cry about not being able to smile. He knew, as we always told him, that God designed Daniel just the way He wants Daniel to be. God doesn’t make mistakes. Over the years Daniel has grown accustomed to his “half-smile” and will now also help encourage others that have difficulties in life.

Due to Daniel’s lack of facial muscle usage and lack of feeling in his cheeks he was a vegetarian until he was about 5 or 6 years old. (The food would get stuffed in the back of his mouth between his teeth and cheek.  He wouldn’t be able to feel it there and this caused a lot of gagging and refusal to eat on his part.) He then started to be able to chew meat enough to make it swallow-able. As he has gained, over the years, some feeling in his cheek muscles he is now able to eat almost all foods, including meats. He chooses not to eat some foods though as they are tougher for him to chew.

During this whole time Daniel’s pediatrician would not give up on finding out more information on Daniel’s condition. She took classes on facial muscle paralysis and researched Moebius extensively. Although Daniel might be the only patient she will ever have with Moebius she treated him with the best care she could give a patient. For this we are very thankful and blessed by God to have such a wonderful pediatrician.  

Daniel has outgrown his inattentiveness, his kidney problem and for the most part, his shyness. Daniel has also developed some feeling in his mouth, which has aided in his eating of foods. He has also learned, through our constant reminding for him to manually blink to keep his eyes moist, although he still has little or no blinking reflexes. As time has gone on this has become habitual for him and he does it as a subconscious "reflex". He can now smile half way when he desires and has gained some more usage of his lips. (He can even make a popping sound with his lips!!! This could never have been done when he was younger.) He still has some stomach issues due to allergies and anxieties though. He has also developed some jaw malformation due to the laxity of his jaw muscles, which will require full braces and a mouth spreader. Hopefully this treatment will prevent further problems with his jaw. If we do not get him braces Daniel will eventually require major surgery to correct the malformation of the jawbones due to the laxity of the muscles. Over all, Daniel has been - and still is - a normal, healthy, young, teenage boy that has been a blessing to us and to all those that know him. 

Daniel has always been and will always be our little Daniel in the lion's den. He has gone through trials after trials and come out unscathed just as Daniel did in the lions' den in the Scriptures. God has seen to protect our Daniel and keep him improving after all these years. Daniel is a wonderful reminder that through God all things are possible. Even though we may see a dark cloud God has a silver lining just waiting around the bend. 

We have met many people on facebook that have Moebius and this has helped encourage Daniel also. We are thankful to have met so many wonderful people.

what man will do to man........

Last night we watched tv, just Mike and myself. Thursday is supposed to be an enjoyable night of television as there are two shows we like one right after the other. We watch CSI and The Mentalist.

Although the shows are about criminals and how they get caught last night's shows we especially disturbing.
First, CSI was about a vampire and werewolf convention. Of course, someone was killed, but it was done is a very gruesome way. Then the Mentalist was about this cult called Visualize and it reminded me of the cults we have heard about in the news.

What bothered me the most is what man will do to man. In CSI, the man was killed basically because others didn't agree with his choices and who he fell in love with. So, the poor guy was brutally killed for loving someone. In The Mentalist, the cult group was not only controlling but also manipulative. A guy was shot at the end of the show, again, because he fell in love with a girl another guy liked.

This attitude I find very unsettling. who are we to take someone else's life just because we disagree with their choice of love? Who are we to decided that someone else's life is ours to take?After reading this you probably think I am anti capital punishment but that is a different story for a different time. I do agree, on some level, with capital punishment.

Man will steal, murder, cheat, lie and then try to hide it all. You may not think you are a bad person but you are. So am I. You have lied more then once, So have I. You may not have stolen anything from a store but I'm sure you have taken pens or things from work and brought it home with out permission. So have I. You may have not killed anyone but you have hurt others with your words at times. So have I. We were created in God's Image. No stealing, no lying, no cheating, no hiding it. Where have we all gone wrong? Why are we so opposite of God?

God gave us all free will. He gave us the ability of mind to pick and chose. He gave us a conscience to know what is right and what is wrong. Why do we not use these God given abilities? We, as a human race, decide to follow our own thoughts and put God's aside. Why do we do this? Because we are an arrogant species. Arrogant, prideful, self-serving, narrow-minded are just some qualities that hinder us in our relationship with God.

Ok, how does our feeling good about ourselves and having a desire to fulfill our desires stand in the way of our relationship with God? When we live like this we put ourselves first. We put ourselves in a status above God. He becomes second place, or worse yet, he's further down the list. We drive a wedge between God and ourselves with this arrogant, prideful, self-serving personality. This wedge becomes like a wall that blocks our view of Christ.

I have also been reading Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand. This book describes the life Richard who suffered under the bloody regime of the Ceausescus in Romania for 14 1/2 years on the middle of the 1900's. He tells the somber tale of Christian martyrdom in the 20th century. He paints for us the portraits of men, women, and children who suffer because they are in love with the Saviour. If only I was like that...... In my humanity, to die for another seems unrealistic. It makes no sense. How would my death benefit another? It wouldn't in anyway. But God......... Well, God's life, the life of Christ, is worth so much more then mine! His life is LIFE. His life covers all sin. His life washes us clean as clean can be. His love passes all our human understanding. To my simple human brain I still can't fully comprehend or appreciate that.

But in the heat of the moment, as they say, when push comes to shove, when it is deny Him or die, I know with all my heart, I know with out any hesitation, I know with out blinking an eye that He will sustain me. If it means I have to die rather then deny him I know He will give me the strength to do so.

Humans are a cruel, cruel race. I am ashamed at times to be part of them. To think that humans will do unspeakable things to each other in the name of feeling good about one's self. In the name of  standing up for our thoughts and opinions. In the name of because we want to. I just do not get that!!! Why do we, as the human race, feel that we can do what we want as long as we find it pleasing? Why do we feel that we deserve to get our way? We feel that if we get rid of the "higher power" then we get our own way? How self-centered!!! God made us in HIS image. Who are we to throw that away and to slap God in the face by saying He doesn't exist.
I just don't get humanity. I really don't.

I do know that I love my God in every way I can imagine.

Give me wisdom and give me grace....
To teach my children to seek your face.
                                     Amen

a horrible book

Ok, I was at the library the other day, of course, looking for a book to read. (That is what you usually get at the library right? ok, just checking) lmbo!!! Ok, I'm silly today, I get that way when I am tired. Any way I found two books that looked sort of interesting but wouldn't be totally sure until I read them. I always review books for Adam and I thought these books might be ones he would like. BOY WAS I WRONG!!! The devil sure has a way of deceiving one doesn't he?

The book I was most interested in is titled The Garden, by Elsie V. Aidinoff.  The inside jacket's description looked sort of promising.

"   The book description:

"There was a serpent, there for Eve's awakening, and for all the days since. Teacher, mentor, companion, friend, and more.
The was God, The Creator. Quick to anger. Dangerous. Majestic.
There was Adam: as God said, a joy to behold.
And there was Eve.
These four hold the future in their hands. And only Eve -- or perhaps the Serpent, too -- wonders what lies outside the Garden of Eden. Passionate, witty, beautifully drawn, and utterly unforgettable, The Garden, a debut novel, remakes and offers insights into a story that forms the cornerstone of our understanding.  "

It doesn't sound so bad, right? Well, WRONG!

The book actually makes Eve out to be a strong willed, simple child who developed into a strong willed, independent woman who is not submissive to anyone, least of all to God.. Adam is portrayed to be a pawn in God's hands and a simple minded boy. The Serpent, is not Satan yet in this book, but rather God's helper in raising Adam and Eve. God raises Adam and the Serpent raises Eve. In this book, procreation was the main goal of creating humankind and God is a demanding and angry old man who only thinks of himself and his pleasure. God, in this book, forces Adam unwillingly have forced sex with eve, in a sense raping her. all this just to satisfy his own curiosity. The Serpent actually tried to reason with Adam and Eve about not eating the apple. The whole story is opposite to the Biblical records. I did not read the whole story as I was disgusted after only page two. I did however, skim the book to get the just of the story line before I condemn it completely.

Like I said, I was actually reviewing this book for a possibility for Adam to listen to. He will NOT be reading this book ever if I have anything to say about it! I know I won't have that right when he is an adult but for now, he reads what I approve of.

This book threw me for a loop as it was not what I expected. The attitudes of the characters were unimaginably messed up. It makes me stop and think of how easy it is for Satan to confuse us and make us question the Biblical accounts. Are they true? how do we know if they are really true? can we prove it?

All these questions can float in your mind at one time or another. This book just encourages that thinking. It is disgusting! It just goes to show that you need to be vigilant and watchful in all you do. Watch what you children watch, read what they read, befriend their friends, listen to their music. You are not a friend to your kid, you are their guidance, their conscience, their parent. in this day and age parents need to act more like parents instead of self absorbed people. If you want to be self absorbed you shouldn't have kids!
God gave these kids to you to raise. They really are His children, whom he loaned us for the time being. We are responsible for the way they are raised. Will you raise them in the way of the Lord? or in your way?
I do not mean to be so bold and bossy ubt I do mean to tell the truth. Please do not be mad at me. :)

I love books but some books need to be burned! This is one of them.

things that bug me to no end

Ok, maybe it's not really "things" that bug me but rather one thing in particular. My hearing. I am technically "borderline" hearing impaired in both ears due to genetic reasons. As a result, over time my hearing will slowly get worse and worse. Not that I mind that. It is what it is, a fact of life. Yeah, it sucks but lots of things on this Earth does so, to me, it's just one more thing.
What bothers me the most about it is the fact that some tv shows say they have closed captions but the typing is messed up. I don't mean a few words are messed up here and there but all the words are screwed up so badly that I cannot follow the story line. That wouldn't be so bad if television shows had a level volume but no, they have to be loud then quiet then loud then quiet... or the show's background noise is so loud that you can't make out the dialogue.
I watch some shows, like Dr. Who, that have this particular problem. I love watching Dr. Who but sometimes, like tonight it's just not worth it. I can hear some of the dialogue but not enough to actually follow the story line well enough to understand the plot line.
It's not even just tv. The movie theaters, certain people's voice, sounds the car makes, I can't hear a lot of things that my husband and my kids point out to me. It really irks me to no end!
I know you probably are thinking so? Just go get hearing aides, problem fixed, right? Well, problem fixed if we could afford it right now. With my youngest needing braces, homeschooling both kids, needing to get a newer car soon, all the dental work I seem to need frequently, and all the other day to day bills hearing aides are not a priority.
Just once, I wish money didn't matter.
I try not to use this blog as a complaint forum but tonight I just can't help it. 
Thanks for listening.

garage sales - my musings for today

What a gorgeous day it is today. Rochester weather can be very annoying but not today. :) The weather is sunny but not too cool and not too breezy. The air felt great on our walk this morning...... :) I am not usually one to compliment the weather as I usually have not much of an opinion one way or the either. I like snow, don't mind driving in it but I hate that is is sooooooooo cold though! It is really pretty how it covers all the ugliness man kind has made on the earth.... I love the summer but I hate the sticky humidity that comes along with the heat. The spring is usually rainy and that is a good thing for our plants and crops. However, it is not so great for our moods. One can only take so many of those gloomy overcast spring days. The fall is probably my favorite season if I had to pick one. In the fall the weather is brisk, not too cold yet and still sunny most of the time. The air is filled with wonderful harvest scents; apple pies, pumpkins, spices, and so many other wonderful things. The farmer markets are still open and are selling eggplant, squash, corn, tomatoes, apples, mmmmm all the yummy things........ :)
The one thing I do not like at all about the fall is the darkness that creeps, all to fast, into our days. The sun rises later, sets earlier, the clouds are usually darker then in the spring, and people are usually busier and aggitated. So many people get so agitated over stupid things.
Like the holidays, I mean come on! We are celebrating wonderful things; the first Thanksgiving and the birth of our Saviour, so why do we get so agitated?
Mankind takes simple things, like taking pleasure in thanking our God, and turns it into such a huge commercialized event. You have the decorations. You have the food, and lots of it! You have the parades. You have the family and friend get togethers. you have the football games. My question is what in the world do any of these things have to do with Thanking God and celebrating His birth? Nothing! That is right nothing!!!  LOL... But we get so wrapped up in our traditions and our holidays that we loose sight of the reason for the season.
As a side note, I hate that saying at Christmas time, Jesus is the Reason for the Season. I know it is VERY, VERY TRUE but what I hate about it is has become a gimmick. It has become common saying through the Christian and Catholic communities that is really has lost it's meaning. I don't think we should stop saying it, I just think we should really appreciate the fact that it is true and mean every word  of it every time we say it.
Ok, back to what I was saying. The other thing I love about fall is the garage sales. Garage sales are so neat to go to because you can find so many nice things that other people no longer want. I have gotten some great bargains at garage sales. Hosting a garage sale however, can be a chore in itself. You have to sift through the things you have to find what you want to get rid of or what you no longer use or need. It is a great time to "clean house" and make room for things you do need and desire. Cleaning house makes life so much nicer to live. It makes your apartment or house more of a home and not just a place to live and sleep.
That got me thinking of where Jesus lives. I know that I need to do some cleaning up of my heart for Him to live comfortably there. (Not that I would want to have a garage sale from the things I need to get rid of in there because I would not want anyone to be bothered with my sins and have it stand in their way of a good relationship with Christ.) The idea of cleaning house has great merit though.
So what things do I need to get rid of to make Jesus' place of residence (IE: my heart) more comfortable for Him? hhhmmmm. I don't have to take much time to think this one thru. The things that have taken up my time and kept me from spending time with Him, those things need to go. If they can't go, (and I cannot stop doing them, such as my job) then I have to make them take a back burner to Christ. No matter what we do in life, it can be done for the Glory of the Lord if our hearts are right. No, I do not mean stealing or adultery can be done for the glory of the Lord for those are sins and He will have no part of them. What I mean is that is we wash cars or clean toilets we can do it to the best of our ability and in that we are glorifying the Lord with our hard work. We are to attribute all our work to Him, for without Him we would have nothing. If it is running a company, running a church of just fixing cars, prayer should be the first and foremost thing on our minds. Keeping our eyes on the Lord will help us keep our jobs being done well.
So, as you go about your day, keep your eyes focused on Him.
God Bless, Trisha

my favorite desserts

The last time I wrote in my blog a friend suggested that I relate desserts to sin and how tempting it is. I love to talk about desserts so I thought the idea had some merit.

My favorite desserts are chocolate.I love practically anything chocolate. If I had to pick a "healthier" dessert it would be strawberries. Strawberry Shortcake, strawberries and cool whip, plain strawberries, chocolate covered strawberries. They all are absolutely wonderful! There are really so many desserts that are appealing but not as tasty as strawberries and chocolate.


mmmmm.......mmmmm......mmmmmmmmmm.... good....... :)

If someone offered me a yummy wonderful dessert would I turn it down? most likely not! Now if someone offered me liver and onions, or cow's tongue, or ham hocks then NO WAY! please take the away before I get sick! But desserts....... mmmmm too good to dismiss without trying. You know that if you try a dessert that you absolutely love no matter how much willpower you have you will most likely finish that dessert. I know I would.


Ever think of sin like that? Do you think Satan would offer you some gross things to entice you with? Things that would turn your stomach and make you sick. That would not be tempting in the least. Temptation is defined as "something that seduces or has the quality to seduce". Seduce is defined as "to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises." So by definition temptation is desirable. Satan knows this. He knows what is desirable to me and what is desirable to you. It may or may not be the same thing. Just like we all love different desserts (Mike hates strawberries and will not touch them!) sin is also different for each of us. My sin issues are different then yours are. Just like my dessert choices are also different then yours. 

I know that if I eat chocolate I find it very hard to stop eating it if there is any left. I LOVE chocolate, ask Mike. I am notorious for taking any chocolate that is left in the house, even if he bought it for himself. I justify taking it because I think that when I go to the store I will buy him replacement candy bar. 


But what does that chocolate really do to me? It is a quick, yummy treat, true. But it also has high fat content and high calorie content. It is low in nutritional value which means that it isn't really healhty for us. It is a treat, plain and simple. If I ate only treats and no normal food, no veggies or meats, no fruits or breads I would be missing a lot of nutrients, vitamins and minerals. That loss of important building blocks can increase our inability to fight off sicknesses and make us more lethargic. We are unable to fight off sicknesses and to stay strong and healthy.

Sin is like that. If we indulge in sin we loose the ability to think clearly on God's desire for us. We become lethargic in our faith and sluggish in our response to correction from God. We become more suseptibale to fall into sin. Is that what you want for you life? It's not what I want that is for sure! 

I would rather feel healthy, strong and energetic. I love having the passion for life and the energy to spread that passion. With a good daily helping of God's Word and prayer (conversations with the Saviour) my day is filled with so much more then I could have ever imagined. I am energetic to spread His word and His love. I am strong to resist the attacks of sin that can be overwhelming to a weaker person. I look forward to eating more healthy foods. 
So have a bit of chocolate but keep it minimal as it is easy to over indulge. :)

so many people in the world

Wow, the world population is now 6,871,328,019 and the U.S. population is 310,344,759 according to US Census Bureau @ 20:07 UTC (EST+5) on Sep 26, 2010. 


HOLY COW!!! now that is a lot of people. 


Those with Moebius - 2,500 world wide
Bell's Pasly - 75,000 world wide
Disabled in some way: 100,000,000 world wide
Autism of some form: 1 in 150 (2,068,962 in the US)
Blind: 40,000,000 world wide
Hearing Impaired to some degree: 33,487,702 world wide
Depression: 120,000,000 world wide


NOTE: ALL NUMBERS ARE APPROXIMATIONS. All numbers were acquired through reputable websites siting researched data.


So, why do you care about these numbers? Why do I care about these numbers? Well, with all these people on Earth, and all the technology we have here on Earth (and in orbit of Earth) how come we still have these medical problems? We should be able to fight these problems with better results one would think. At least, I would think. 
Another common question is if there really is a God and he is loving, why do we still have all these problems/ Why has He allowed (or in some accusations caused) these problems to exists? 
Honestly, I don't have all the answers, however, I have a theory.
It all started with Adam and Eve. Yes, I know here we go again. blaming it all on the first sin in the garden. Think of it though, that is really how this whole thing started.... 
Adam and Eve were made in God's own image. That means they were like God. Healthy, without faults, with out defects. Yes, you heard me right. Humans are defective, whether you have a disability or not. When He created us, we had nothing wrong with us, no defects at all. So how did it happen to come that there are so many people with physical or mental difficulties? How come we as the human race have so many defects? 
Sin has crept into our lives so much that we barely see it for what it honestly is, sin. No, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that if you are sick or have some sort of disease that you are in sin and correcting that sin will get rid of the problem you are having. What I am saying i that in order to have the close relationship with Christ. We need to be honest with ourselves and with God, as to what our sin is and repent of it.  
I for one, want to admit to God and to the world, that I have sinned and continue to do so without intent or maliciousness. I pray that God restores me to my former beauty as he designed originally. Will you do that same? He desires a close relationship with you. All it takes is humbling yourself to admit your a sinful person and He is the only one that can clean you. :)

today happened.........

Ok, so today was busy. First, we woke up, feeling relaxed and not rushed. We spent some time together as a family, which we rarely are able to do first thing in the morning. I made eggs and toast for breakfast. (yummy!!!) I liked this family time a lot! Then Mike and I went to church for the prayer time. I never thought prayer could make me feel so good. I feel in awe at prayer. I know, I know, I know... I should have started going years ago. But I didn't so I shouldn't complain over things in which I have no control of. It certainly is not like I can go back and change things. I do think I did the right thing by postponing attend the prayer meetings though. Mike, now Mike and I, carpool to prayer with his long time friend, Terry. I know my husband rarely gets time to socialize with other men and I know he cherishes that time with Terry. I did not want to impose on that time. I still do not, but going to prayer has tunred out to be a blessing in more ways then I could imagine.

After prayer we moved some supplies around at church and then went to Wal-Mart.  We finally arrived home later then I had hoped. I was beat! My amazingly wonderful husband allowed me to sleep for nearly 2 hours when we arrived home. :) I really needed that nap.

Now here is the biggest event of the day. The person I was blogging about before, the one that I got into an argument about, well, I called her. We talked for over an hour. Although some of the talk was heated some it was good.  I have learned over the years to let things go. It's a hard lesson to learn but one that everyone must learn at one point or another. Sometimes it is better to let go then continue to argue. Being right isn't always the most important thing. (Not saying I was -or ever will be- COMPLETELY  right, mind you.) But being right is't all it's cracked up to be at times.

It got me thinking, why isn't it the best thing? You know, when you were a kid you would argue with your friends or siblings as to who was right? Back then being right was awesome! Being right gave you some aura of superiority, almost like standing on ground above those you are arguing with. But you see? There in lies the problem. You are above others, alone, singled out, set aside. For what? What do you really have to gain by being set apart, by being right? Well, for one, you have a great feeling of superiority. You also are proud of your stature. You are looked up to. But you are alone. ALONE. When you put yourself above others, in anyway, you loose sense of reality. You become egocentric, whether you believe me or not, you do.

How can we protect ourselves from such a place but not always give in to others' way of thinking? I have really only found one way. I have tried other ways. I have tried convincing others to see things my way. I have tried to justify my way. I have stayed solid in my belief and bold in stating them, therefore lost friends. I have not succeeded in protecting myself. I have only succeeded on hurting myself in the long run. People could tend to think that I might be snobbish, conceited, judgmental, rude, or pushy. At times people have thought that. And at times, they have been right.  So again, how can we protect ourselves from people thinking that and still be right? Easy. Humble your self and give God the reins to guide your words. Now, this is not easy to do. But it is necessary if we want to keep our witness and keep our friends. As humans we want to do things our own way. We want to be in control, just like we want be right. As an example, think of children. They always want to be right. Remember when you were a kid? You always thought your parents were too hard, they were wrong and you were right, they were mean, they were punishing you for no reason and so on. I know I did at times. I pretty sure you did at times also. Now that we are adults, or almost in some cases, you can see the error of your ways. you can see how your attitude contributed in escalating the punishment or correction, even if you were right. It doesn't matter if you are right. It matters how you express that, or if you express that at all. Sometimes it does not needed to be pointed out.

Handing God the reins to guide our words keep us in check. It helps us stay humble and realize that to keep a good friend you have to be a good friend. Sometimes that means shutting your mouth and not pointing out all their faults.

That was my mistake. Yes my part of the argument was, in my eyes and in my memory, correct. Pointing that out caused a huge argument. I did follow the Scriptures about helping your brother if he is in sin. I did follow the Scriptures to do so in love. However, pointing out everything is not so good an idea... sometimes you need to stop in your tracks and start taking baby steps. We all needed to learn in baby steps when were young. Non-believers and young Christians alike, need do that too. Just like you cannot make a baby walk before their time you can not point things out to someone who refuses to see them. God will show them in His time. Until then, just be a friend. Humble yourself, I'm speaking to myself here too, before God and allow Him to take the reins in your relationships. You'll be glad you did.

not sure what to say

Boy these last couple of days have been pretty nuts here. Not in the usual way either. I mean in ways that I am not used to, I mean arguing. Yes, I know we all have arguments from time to time but they come and go and you move past them. This argument isn't one I can move past very easily. You see it is very complex and very frustrating. 

When you are a Christian you ask Christ to save your from your sins, to guide you in your life, each and everyday. You desire to learn more about Him. You desire to be around others of like minds. Those that love Christ want to be around others that love Christ. They want to continue to learn and grow closer to the Saviour. Their conscience keeps their hearts focused on Christ which keeps them more aware of when they sin. Sin is confessed and your heart is cleansed through forgiveness like only Christ can give. 

But what if you know someone who is not following that but insists that they are saved? Well, scriptures tell us to go to our brother if we have a problem. It also says to guide those that need it.  But it emphases to do so in love without condemnation. 

Matthew 18:15-16 (King James Version)

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

Galations 6:1

Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

(I encourage all of you to read this article at this link:
http://webhosting.mastertemplates.com/webhosting/division-within-the-body-of-christ-part-two.html )

 I am trying really hard not to judge this person who I argued with. I do not want to judge them as individuals but rather show them their sin issue and have them correct that, with my help if they desire. Is that so wrong? Not according to the Scriptures, from what I read.

So, I guess this my argument with this particular person. They asked me what was wrong, why I was frustrated with them. I told them as nice as I could with as much love as I could, that their actions were affecting our relationship and more importantly it was affecting their relationship with Christ. I was worried for their salvation and their Christian walk.

OH MY WORD! You would think this person thought I was going to literally kill them! 

This person got so defensive and upset. I feel horrible for upsetting them but at the same time I do not. You see I am torn. I did not intend for this person to take offense to my words or my pointing things out, but I also felt led to point these things out knowing this person would not like it very much. I did what I felt I  had to do according to the Scriptures. Am I wrong for that? I do not believe so. Would I change my actions and the way I worded my letter to this person if I could? No, I wouldn't despite knowing how angry they are with me right now. You see, to me my relationship with Christ is more important to me then any other relationship I have with anyone here on Earth, even my husband and my children whom I love more then any other human being. 

Ok, so if I knew ahead of time that this person would be so angry at me and that my saying something would ruin the friendship I have with them why would I go ahead and say it? You know, you come to a realization in life that Christ's way is the only answer and you have to follow it, not because you are being asked to or made to but because you want to make you Father happy and pleased with you. You see, the relationship I have with this person is only temporary, for as long as I live here on Earth. However, my relationship with Christ is for eternity, longer then I can ever imagine...... :) Which relationship is really worth in the end? Which one will make me happier in the end? I think you know the answer to that one but I will spell it out for you. The relationship with Christ is more important to me then any other relationship I could ever dream of having here on Earth. It is one to be cherished moment by moment and have every attempt to make it stronger and stronger each day. 

I am deeply sorry this person is angry at me. Please always know that I love this person dearly. They do mean a lot to me and I would never change the experiences I have with this person as they make me what I am today. :)

Ok, so now you now my life story! lol Have a great night!

a spur of the moment

I was sitting at my computer earlier today and thought of this poem. Just a random thought at the spur of the moment. :) 

My life to Him I give,

For it’s He that makes me live.

In ways I could never dream or see,

On my own I’m without humility.

I trip over every branch and stone,

Since my life I make my own.

Giving it away to thee

Is the only way to make me free.

my favorite desserts

The last time I wrote in my blog a friend suggested that I relate desserts to sin and how tempting it is. I love to talk about desserts so I thought the idea had some merit.
My favorite desserts are chocolate.I love practically anything chocolate. If I had to pick a "healthier" dessert it would be strawberries. Strawberry Shortcake, strawberries and cool whip, plain strawberries, chocolate covered strawberries. They all are absolutely wonderful! There are really so many desserts that are appealing but not as tasty as strawberries and chocolate.

mmmmm.......mmmmm......mmmmmmmmmm.... good....... :) 

If someone offered me a yummy, wonderful dessert would I turn it down? Most likely not! Now if someone offered me liver and onions, or cow's tongue, or ham hocks then NO WAY! Please take the away before I get sick! But desserts....... mmmmm, too good to dismiss without trying. You know that if you try a dessert that you absolutely love no matter how much willpower you have you will most likely finish that dessert. I know I would.

Ever think of sin like that? Do you think Satan would offer you some gross things to entice you with? Things that would turn your stomach and make you sick. That would not be tempting in the least. Temptation is defined as "something that seduces or has the quality to seduce". Seduce is defined as "to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises." So by definition temptation is desirable. Satan knows this. He knows what is desirable to me and what is desirable to you. It may or may not be the same thing. Just like we all love different desserts (Mike hates strawberries and will not touch them!) sin is also different for each of us. My sin issues are different then yours are. Just like my dessert choices are also different then yours. 

I know that if I eat chocolate I have a hard time stopping if there is any left. I LOVE chocolate, ask Mike. I an notorious for taking any chocolate that is left in the house, even if he bought it for himself. I justify taking it because I think that when I go to the store I will buy him replacement candy bar. No harm done. Or is there?



But what does that chocolate really do to me? It is a quick, yummy treat. It lasts only a few moments and then is digested. It turns into fat. Fat that goes right around my waste! Now even though the chocolate was yummy and I enjoyed it I do not particularly like the results of added weight. 


Think about sin like that. Sin is tempting, enjoyable and seducing at first. It feels good and it feels right (sometimes) but afterward you are left with guilt, shame and regret. You may wish that you could go back in time and not commit that sin. No matter how tempting it was at the time you now know the result of committing it. You can't get rid of the dessert that you ate without making your self sick. You can' go back and redo events to not commit that sin.

But there is hope! Just like exercise helps you loose the extra weight you have gained from all the desserts, Jesus helps you feel better by forgiving you when you repent from the sin you fell into temptation with. 

~~  Jesus is like execise for the soul. :)   ~~

I hope that when you regretfully indulge in sin that you go to get your spiritual exercise by talking to our Lord and Savior. Ask him to cleanse you. :)