10 things
you’ll learn homeschooling a special needs child
1. What struggle
truly means – you think it’s hard when they are babies. They may not
coo or make sounds like a normal baby. They may not roll over or walk within “normal”
time frames, if at all. They may have a VERY specific diet or be highly
allergic. They might not be able see or hear properly. No matter what you have gone
through with them before their school age years, nothing prepares you for the
struggles you will face when you are teaching them their academics.
2. How tired you will be – I’m sure
you have had MANY sleepless nights when they were tiny. It comes with the
territory, right? By the time your child is 3ish they definitely should sleep
through the night. Right? By the time they are 4 they should be able to dress
themselves, feed themselves, have a conversation with you, and play with other
children, right? What if that never happens? Or what if it doesn’t happen the
way it “should”? Homeschooling adds to that tiredness, that pure unexplainable
exhaustion. No matter how much sleep you get, you are always tired.
3. Stress builds up and up and up some days.
- The stress you feel isn’t imaginary and it seems to never end. It may
seem that you have a handle on your child’s needs and abilities, so why do you
feel stressed? The constant worry in the back of your mind never stops. It adds
to any outward pressure you feel about your child not being able to keep up with
their peers. There is always the “is everything ok?” question floating around
in your brain, no matter how well your child is doing. “Did I do enough?” “Will
they progress and be able to do x, y, or z?” “Are people comparing my child to their child?”
“How can I make my child ‘seem’ better so the comparison stops?” “What did the doctor
say again?” Maybe I should call the doctor, therapist, specialist?” The
questions never stop. They repeat themselves over and over and over. The stress
can feel too much at times.
4. There is hope! – No matter if
your child ever is able to live on their own, be able to work full time, or
drive, it’s ok. There is hope. It may not be the hope we expect, but it’s
there. Things may (or may not) get easier as time goes on but you get used to
it. You find your niche and your routine. Your life will continue. Your child
will grow up, in his/her own way. It’s ok. The hope is a comfort knowing that
God’s in control. The hope is that no matter what, no matter the struggles,
tears or discouragement, your child is doing their best and that’s all that
matters. God is in control. He knows the beginning from the end and all the
bumps in the road along the way. He is in control of all those bumps. He knew
all of this way before it even happened. He is there for you to lean on and
take refuge in. He knows your child because He made them. He knows your
struggles because he knows you. Lean on Him and He will direct your paths. He
will give you guidance, reassurance and peace. He will because He is God and
God is hope.
5. The amount of love you have for your child
will surprise you. Through struggles we see how much our love is
tested. The investment we make in our children who struggle brings to light the
love we have for them. Even on days when we hate our child’s behavior, when we
question if we even hate our child, the love we have for them is evident. It
keeps us up at night, makes us seek out every available resource and makes us
get through each and every day. It shows when we reteach them the same thing
for the 50h time or when we tie their shoe because they just cannot seem to
learn to do it on their own. It is there without our ever realizing it. They
feel it way more then we think they do, too.
6. There is NO ‘right’ curriculum – Each
child is different and each hild has their own uniqueness, so it goes to reason
that there is no “one size fits all” curriculum out there. Yes, of course that
is goes for nuerotypical children and healthy children, but it goes more so for
children with difficulties. You can look high and low for the best curriculum
for your special needs child and when you get it, guess what? It will need to
be adapted. Yup, all the money in the world and all the books in the world
cannot automatically come customized to your child. It will need to be tweaked.
Sometimes you will need to ditch it all together and find something else. That is
OK! Whatever you use, ADAPT as you see fit. As long as it works for your child,
that’s the important part. Some days you will need to adapt more, slow down or
speed up. So feel free to do so. J
It’s your homeschool, make it yours alone. J
7. Some days there will be no school. That’s ok,
too. Some days you just cannot get off the couch, or your child can
not handle any formal lessons. So take a breather. If taking frequent breaks
doesn’t help, ditch school for the day. You might want to plan extra school
days into your calendar so you have the flexibil.ity to do this. Be flexible. Go
with what your child needs that day. School will still be there tomorrow, It is
not going away all together; just being set aside for the moment. You have more
important things to address – like the needs of your child. J Don’t feel guilty
about this. Breathe, take in the moment, and cherish the time with your child.
It might be that you both need that break more than you think.
8. We do know more than the doctors and school
officials. We know our child.
Sure, we may not know the medical jargon at first, or what specific
medicine or therapies to prescribe. BUT we know our child in a way the professionals
never will. Do not be quiet and meek when it comes to standing up for the
medical and academic needs of your child. They need you to stand up for them.
They need you to advocate for them. For some children you are their only
advocate. Speak up, stand firm in what you know they need, even if it means
getting a second opinion or arguing (respectfully and politely) with the
professional. Your child needs you for fight for them and their needs. Their
progress will be more rewarding in ways you never dreamed. You
will become the doctor. You will read more books them you ever imagined.
You will research and Google everything. J
In order to help your child, you will need information and you will do practically
anything to get that information. There will be many long nights and early mornings
researching your child’s difficulties. Don’t let all the information overwhelm
you. Do not let it control you. Your child is still the same little person they
were before all the research. Don’t let the research start making you see them
in a different light. God made your child just the way they are, just as He
designed them to be. It’s one thing to
research for information and it’s quite another to research to “fix” your
child. Research all you want, just keep it all in perspective.
9. You will be lonely. When you
have a child with difficulties you will lose friends. It’s not something that happens
suddenly or something you will notice right way. Some people just do not know
how to handle the special needs of your child or the struggles that you are
facing. Some people just do not want to help as they have their own problems and
yours seem a bit overwhelming. Sometimes marriages also struggle with the addition
of a special needs child, even if the child is never diagnosed. The everyday
pressures, difficulties, stress, tiredness, busyness all adds up and stress out
relationships. Those without special needs children find it easier to live
their life without special needs children. Let them. You will be better off for
it. Those who stick by you will be your rock. They will help you when you need
it and know when to stand back when you need space. They will be the ones you
call in tears after your child has a huge meltdown. They will be the ones who
call you just to say hi or send you a card in the mail. Those are the keepers.
You might only have one friend like that all of your child rearing years.
Cherish that one. If you have more than one you are truly blessed.
10. MOST IMPORTANTLY – I saved the best for
last – GOD IS IN CONTROL!!! I’ve said this one before but is worth
repeating. God made your child and your child is not a defect, or something
needing fixing. Your child is a creature made by a loving, nurturing,
protective God.
Psalm 139:14
(KJV)
I will praise thee; for I am
fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul
knoweth right well.
John 1:3(KJV)
All things were made by him; and
without him was not any thing made that was made.
