Daniel's life growing up with Moebius. :)

I was asked to write out Dnaiel's "story" for the many faces of Moebius website. The following is what I wrote. I thought Iwould share it here also. :) 

Daniel Preston is my youngest son. He is 13 years old and is a vibrant and energetic, albeit at times shy, young teenage boy. He was born with Moebius in 1997. At the time of his birth we really had no idea what Moebius was, or that it was indeed what Daniel had. Upon his birth he was whisked away from us and we were told he had no vocal usage and no facial muscle usage. He had less then normal movement in his limbs, and although everything seemed to be working just fine the doctor’s feared he would be a vegetable for life. He confounded the doctor's the day he was born. Daniel could not close his eyelids and he didn’t produce enough moisture to keep his eyes from drying out. His mouth did not close and his jaw was recessed quite a bit. His ears were tilted back more and were smaller then normal and his nipples were farther apart then normal. Daniel was also allergic to his own urine and had to be changed quite frequently. On top of all that he had a congenital kidney problem that might need surgery very soon. We left the hospital with our newly born wonderful little boy not knowing what would be in his future, or ours for that matter. 

During his first few years we saw many doctor's including geneticist, nephrologists, neurologists, ophthalmologists, urologist and audiologist. No one could clarify exactly what was wrong with our child though. Daniel became a human pincushion for the many doctors he saw as they had never seen a child with this condition before and could not accurately diagnose him. This became very frustrating and energy sapping for us all. He was truly a conundrum.

Daniel didn’t cry until he was 2 months old and then only if he was really angry or upset. Even then, it was only a moan or whimper. He did wiggle a bit which helped us know when he needed attention. He didn’t cry normally until he was more then 4 months old. He was bottle-fed but we had to hold both his cheeks when feeding him and he was syringe-fed for a time also. Daniel was born with Multicystic Dysplastic Kidney Syndrome. (We knew he would be born with this as the pregnancy ultrasound showed it prior to his birth. We just didn’t know how severe it was until his birth.) This is a big fancy way to say that one kidney didn’t work at all and looked like a rubbery pile of white grapes. His other kidney was getting back-washed urine from his bladder, which could lead to kidney infections, which could result in hospitalization. Daniel was put on antibiotics the day he was born. He stayed on them daily for 14 months. Due to Daniel being very sick with his kidney problem he was inattentive and lethargic the majority of the time. At this time we had no idea if Daniel could hear or see, as he showed no signs of doing either. His brainwave-hearing test came back normal but we still had no idea if he could truly hear. Daniel was very sick from 3 months old until 10 months old. He could not keep food down for long, had high fevers frequently and was constantly sick. After many visits to the pediatricians and the emergency room we were still left with out any idea of what was truly making Daniel sick. (We also had no idea that facial muscle problem was called Moebius, not facial muscle paralysis.) The doctor’s could not find anything wrong with him and the idea of his body rejecting his own kidney seemed preposterous to them. After much prodding from us the doctor’s finally decided to remove Daniel’s malformed kidney. At the age of 10 months Daniel had surgery to remove his bad kidney. After the surgery Daniel became a much happier kid, proof that his body was indeed rejecting his own kidney because it did not function nor even resemble a regular kidney. He was no longer sick with fevers or vomiting and actually gained weight quicker. Since his body was no longer rejecting his own kidney, this gave Daniel more energy to be a kid. He was running and talking (a first for both of those) the day after the surgery, even at 10 months old!  After his surgery he started showing signs of hearing and seeing. To us this was amazing! His paternal grandparents honestly thought, as we did, that Daniel was really deaf and blind before the surgery. They were very worried that he was mentally retarded also but they were afraid to say anything to us about it. His behavior changed drastically after the surgery; proving that this assumption was wrong. It finally felt like we had a more normal child, although he still didn’t vocalize or blink.

At 4 months old Daniel received his very first pair of glasses. His glasses were the smallest manufactured and the smallest that LensCrafters have ever fitted for a child. Because of his Moebius (again we didn’t know this was what he had at that time), the glasses needed to have side guards, again something LensCrafters had never done for a child this young before. These side guards helped protect Daniel’s eyes from dust and debris and also helped keep his eyes moist. Due to the special circumstances, Daniel's lack of blinking and the danger to his eyes that causes, LensCrafters paid for Daniel’s first pair of glasses, custom fitted with specially designed side guards. The manager and the technician were a recognized and given an award for their hard work in helping Daniel with his glasses. They truly were a blessing. We are very thankful to them. At this time the glasses were strictly to help keep moisture in front of his eyes. They had no prescriptions in them at this time.  He wore the glasses anytime we were out of the house or when the windows were open. The prescription glasses came at 9 months old. Although his eye doctor recognized Daniel’s facial condition as Moebius we were not informed of this until Daniel was more then 2 years old. He wore glasses full-time from 9 months old until he was about 5 years old. At 5 years of age he no longer needed glasses on a daily basis. At this time he was still not a very vocal child but he was a happy one. Daniel still had no facial reflexives and very little facial muscle usage. This did not stop him though. Daniel has always been, since his surgery at 10 months old, a very energetic child who is playful and inquisitive. He has never let his Moebius get the best of him for long. He had a while, when he was about 5 or 6 when he would cry about not being able to smile. He knew, as we always told him, that God designed Daniel just the way He wants Daniel to be. God doesn’t make mistakes. Over the years Daniel has grown accustomed to his “half-smile” and will now also help encourage others that have difficulties in life.

Due to Daniel’s lack of facial muscle usage and lack of feeling in his cheeks he was a vegetarian until he was about 5 or 6 years old. (The food would get stuffed in the back of his mouth between his teeth and cheek.  He wouldn’t be able to feel it there and this caused a lot of gagging and refusal to eat on his part.) He then started to be able to chew meat enough to make it swallow-able. As he has gained, over the years, some feeling in his cheek muscles he is now able to eat almost all foods, including meats. He chooses not to eat some foods though as they are tougher for him to chew.

During this whole time Daniel’s pediatrician would not give up on finding out more information on Daniel’s condition. She took classes on facial muscle paralysis and researched Moebius extensively. Although Daniel might be the only patient she will ever have with Moebius she treated him with the best care she could give a patient. For this we are very thankful and blessed by God to have such a wonderful pediatrician.  

Daniel has outgrown his inattentiveness, his kidney problem and for the most part, his shyness. Daniel has also developed some feeling in his mouth, which has aided in his eating of foods. He has also learned, through our constant reminding for him to manually blink to keep his eyes moist, although he still has little or no blinking reflexes. As time has gone on this has become habitual for him and he does it as a subconscious "reflex". He can now smile half way when he desires and has gained some more usage of his lips. (He can even make a popping sound with his lips!!! This could never have been done when he was younger.) He still has some stomach issues due to allergies and anxieties though. He has also developed some jaw malformation due to the laxity of his jaw muscles, which will require full braces and a mouth spreader. Hopefully this treatment will prevent further problems with his jaw. If we do not get him braces Daniel will eventually require major surgery to correct the malformation of the jawbones due to the laxity of the muscles. Over all, Daniel has been - and still is - a normal, healthy, young, teenage boy that has been a blessing to us and to all those that know him. 

Daniel has always been and will always be our little Daniel in the lion's den. He has gone through trials after trials and come out unscathed just as Daniel did in the lions' den in the Scriptures. God has seen to protect our Daniel and keep him improving after all these years. Daniel is a wonderful reminder that through God all things are possible. Even though we may see a dark cloud God has a silver lining just waiting around the bend. 

We have met many people on facebook that have Moebius and this has helped encourage Daniel also. We are thankful to have met so many wonderful people.

what man will do to man........

Last night we watched tv, just Mike and myself. Thursday is supposed to be an enjoyable night of television as there are two shows we like one right after the other. We watch CSI and The Mentalist.

Although the shows are about criminals and how they get caught last night's shows we especially disturbing.
First, CSI was about a vampire and werewolf convention. Of course, someone was killed, but it was done is a very gruesome way. Then the Mentalist was about this cult called Visualize and it reminded me of the cults we have heard about in the news.

What bothered me the most is what man will do to man. In CSI, the man was killed basically because others didn't agree with his choices and who he fell in love with. So, the poor guy was brutally killed for loving someone. In The Mentalist, the cult group was not only controlling but also manipulative. A guy was shot at the end of the show, again, because he fell in love with a girl another guy liked.

This attitude I find very unsettling. who are we to take someone else's life just because we disagree with their choice of love? Who are we to decided that someone else's life is ours to take?After reading this you probably think I am anti capital punishment but that is a different story for a different time. I do agree, on some level, with capital punishment.

Man will steal, murder, cheat, lie and then try to hide it all. You may not think you are a bad person but you are. So am I. You have lied more then once, So have I. You may not have stolen anything from a store but I'm sure you have taken pens or things from work and brought it home with out permission. So have I. You may have not killed anyone but you have hurt others with your words at times. So have I. We were created in God's Image. No stealing, no lying, no cheating, no hiding it. Where have we all gone wrong? Why are we so opposite of God?

God gave us all free will. He gave us the ability of mind to pick and chose. He gave us a conscience to know what is right and what is wrong. Why do we not use these God given abilities? We, as a human race, decide to follow our own thoughts and put God's aside. Why do we do this? Because we are an arrogant species. Arrogant, prideful, self-serving, narrow-minded are just some qualities that hinder us in our relationship with God.

Ok, how does our feeling good about ourselves and having a desire to fulfill our desires stand in the way of our relationship with God? When we live like this we put ourselves first. We put ourselves in a status above God. He becomes second place, or worse yet, he's further down the list. We drive a wedge between God and ourselves with this arrogant, prideful, self-serving personality. This wedge becomes like a wall that blocks our view of Christ.

I have also been reading Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand. This book describes the life Richard who suffered under the bloody regime of the Ceausescus in Romania for 14 1/2 years on the middle of the 1900's. He tells the somber tale of Christian martyrdom in the 20th century. He paints for us the portraits of men, women, and children who suffer because they are in love with the Saviour. If only I was like that...... In my humanity, to die for another seems unrealistic. It makes no sense. How would my death benefit another? It wouldn't in anyway. But God......... Well, God's life, the life of Christ, is worth so much more then mine! His life is LIFE. His life covers all sin. His life washes us clean as clean can be. His love passes all our human understanding. To my simple human brain I still can't fully comprehend or appreciate that.

But in the heat of the moment, as they say, when push comes to shove, when it is deny Him or die, I know with all my heart, I know with out any hesitation, I know with out blinking an eye that He will sustain me. If it means I have to die rather then deny him I know He will give me the strength to do so.

Humans are a cruel, cruel race. I am ashamed at times to be part of them. To think that humans will do unspeakable things to each other in the name of feeling good about one's self. In the name of  standing up for our thoughts and opinions. In the name of because we want to. I just do not get that!!! Why do we, as the human race, feel that we can do what we want as long as we find it pleasing? Why do we feel that we deserve to get our way? We feel that if we get rid of the "higher power" then we get our own way? How self-centered!!! God made us in HIS image. Who are we to throw that away and to slap God in the face by saying He doesn't exist.
I just don't get humanity. I really don't.

I do know that I love my God in every way I can imagine.

Give me wisdom and give me grace....
To teach my children to seek your face.
                                     Amen

a horrible book

Ok, I was at the library the other day, of course, looking for a book to read. (That is what you usually get at the library right? ok, just checking) lmbo!!! Ok, I'm silly today, I get that way when I am tired. Any way I found two books that looked sort of interesting but wouldn't be totally sure until I read them. I always review books for Adam and I thought these books might be ones he would like. BOY WAS I WRONG!!! The devil sure has a way of deceiving one doesn't he?

The book I was most interested in is titled The Garden, by Elsie V. Aidinoff.  The inside jacket's description looked sort of promising.

"   The book description:

"There was a serpent, there for Eve's awakening, and for all the days since. Teacher, mentor, companion, friend, and more.
The was God, The Creator. Quick to anger. Dangerous. Majestic.
There was Adam: as God said, a joy to behold.
And there was Eve.
These four hold the future in their hands. And only Eve -- or perhaps the Serpent, too -- wonders what lies outside the Garden of Eden. Passionate, witty, beautifully drawn, and utterly unforgettable, The Garden, a debut novel, remakes and offers insights into a story that forms the cornerstone of our understanding.  "

It doesn't sound so bad, right? Well, WRONG!

The book actually makes Eve out to be a strong willed, simple child who developed into a strong willed, independent woman who is not submissive to anyone, least of all to God.. Adam is portrayed to be a pawn in God's hands and a simple minded boy. The Serpent, is not Satan yet in this book, but rather God's helper in raising Adam and Eve. God raises Adam and the Serpent raises Eve. In this book, procreation was the main goal of creating humankind and God is a demanding and angry old man who only thinks of himself and his pleasure. God, in this book, forces Adam unwillingly have forced sex with eve, in a sense raping her. all this just to satisfy his own curiosity. The Serpent actually tried to reason with Adam and Eve about not eating the apple. The whole story is opposite to the Biblical records. I did not read the whole story as I was disgusted after only page two. I did however, skim the book to get the just of the story line before I condemn it completely.

Like I said, I was actually reviewing this book for a possibility for Adam to listen to. He will NOT be reading this book ever if I have anything to say about it! I know I won't have that right when he is an adult but for now, he reads what I approve of.

This book threw me for a loop as it was not what I expected. The attitudes of the characters were unimaginably messed up. It makes me stop and think of how easy it is for Satan to confuse us and make us question the Biblical accounts. Are they true? how do we know if they are really true? can we prove it?

All these questions can float in your mind at one time or another. This book just encourages that thinking. It is disgusting! It just goes to show that you need to be vigilant and watchful in all you do. Watch what you children watch, read what they read, befriend their friends, listen to their music. You are not a friend to your kid, you are their guidance, their conscience, their parent. in this day and age parents need to act more like parents instead of self absorbed people. If you want to be self absorbed you shouldn't have kids!
God gave these kids to you to raise. They really are His children, whom he loaned us for the time being. We are responsible for the way they are raised. Will you raise them in the way of the Lord? or in your way?
I do not mean to be so bold and bossy ubt I do mean to tell the truth. Please do not be mad at me. :)

I love books but some books need to be burned! This is one of them.

things that bug me to no end

Ok, maybe it's not really "things" that bug me but rather one thing in particular. My hearing. I am technically "borderline" hearing impaired in both ears due to genetic reasons. As a result, over time my hearing will slowly get worse and worse. Not that I mind that. It is what it is, a fact of life. Yeah, it sucks but lots of things on this Earth does so, to me, it's just one more thing.
What bothers me the most about it is the fact that some tv shows say they have closed captions but the typing is messed up. I don't mean a few words are messed up here and there but all the words are screwed up so badly that I cannot follow the story line. That wouldn't be so bad if television shows had a level volume but no, they have to be loud then quiet then loud then quiet... or the show's background noise is so loud that you can't make out the dialogue.
I watch some shows, like Dr. Who, that have this particular problem. I love watching Dr. Who but sometimes, like tonight it's just not worth it. I can hear some of the dialogue but not enough to actually follow the story line well enough to understand the plot line.
It's not even just tv. The movie theaters, certain people's voice, sounds the car makes, I can't hear a lot of things that my husband and my kids point out to me. It really irks me to no end!
I know you probably are thinking so? Just go get hearing aides, problem fixed, right? Well, problem fixed if we could afford it right now. With my youngest needing braces, homeschooling both kids, needing to get a newer car soon, all the dental work I seem to need frequently, and all the other day to day bills hearing aides are not a priority.
Just once, I wish money didn't matter.
I try not to use this blog as a complaint forum but tonight I just can't help it. 
Thanks for listening.

garage sales - my musings for today

What a gorgeous day it is today. Rochester weather can be very annoying but not today. :) The weather is sunny but not too cool and not too breezy. The air felt great on our walk this morning...... :) I am not usually one to compliment the weather as I usually have not much of an opinion one way or the either. I like snow, don't mind driving in it but I hate that is is sooooooooo cold though! It is really pretty how it covers all the ugliness man kind has made on the earth.... I love the summer but I hate the sticky humidity that comes along with the heat. The spring is usually rainy and that is a good thing for our plants and crops. However, it is not so great for our moods. One can only take so many of those gloomy overcast spring days. The fall is probably my favorite season if I had to pick one. In the fall the weather is brisk, not too cold yet and still sunny most of the time. The air is filled with wonderful harvest scents; apple pies, pumpkins, spices, and so many other wonderful things. The farmer markets are still open and are selling eggplant, squash, corn, tomatoes, apples, mmmmm all the yummy things........ :)
The one thing I do not like at all about the fall is the darkness that creeps, all to fast, into our days. The sun rises later, sets earlier, the clouds are usually darker then in the spring, and people are usually busier and aggitated. So many people get so agitated over stupid things.
Like the holidays, I mean come on! We are celebrating wonderful things; the first Thanksgiving and the birth of our Saviour, so why do we get so agitated?
Mankind takes simple things, like taking pleasure in thanking our God, and turns it into such a huge commercialized event. You have the decorations. You have the food, and lots of it! You have the parades. You have the family and friend get togethers. you have the football games. My question is what in the world do any of these things have to do with Thanking God and celebrating His birth? Nothing! That is right nothing!!!  LOL... But we get so wrapped up in our traditions and our holidays that we loose sight of the reason for the season.
As a side note, I hate that saying at Christmas time, Jesus is the Reason for the Season. I know it is VERY, VERY TRUE but what I hate about it is has become a gimmick. It has become common saying through the Christian and Catholic communities that is really has lost it's meaning. I don't think we should stop saying it, I just think we should really appreciate the fact that it is true and mean every word  of it every time we say it.
Ok, back to what I was saying. The other thing I love about fall is the garage sales. Garage sales are so neat to go to because you can find so many nice things that other people no longer want. I have gotten some great bargains at garage sales. Hosting a garage sale however, can be a chore in itself. You have to sift through the things you have to find what you want to get rid of or what you no longer use or need. It is a great time to "clean house" and make room for things you do need and desire. Cleaning house makes life so much nicer to live. It makes your apartment or house more of a home and not just a place to live and sleep.
That got me thinking of where Jesus lives. I know that I need to do some cleaning up of my heart for Him to live comfortably there. (Not that I would want to have a garage sale from the things I need to get rid of in there because I would not want anyone to be bothered with my sins and have it stand in their way of a good relationship with Christ.) The idea of cleaning house has great merit though.
So what things do I need to get rid of to make Jesus' place of residence (IE: my heart) more comfortable for Him? hhhmmmm. I don't have to take much time to think this one thru. The things that have taken up my time and kept me from spending time with Him, those things need to go. If they can't go, (and I cannot stop doing them, such as my job) then I have to make them take a back burner to Christ. No matter what we do in life, it can be done for the Glory of the Lord if our hearts are right. No, I do not mean stealing or adultery can be done for the glory of the Lord for those are sins and He will have no part of them. What I mean is that is we wash cars or clean toilets we can do it to the best of our ability and in that we are glorifying the Lord with our hard work. We are to attribute all our work to Him, for without Him we would have nothing. If it is running a company, running a church of just fixing cars, prayer should be the first and foremost thing on our minds. Keeping our eyes on the Lord will help us keep our jobs being done well.
So, as you go about your day, keep your eyes focused on Him.
God Bless, Trisha

my favorite desserts

The last time I wrote in my blog a friend suggested that I relate desserts to sin and how tempting it is. I love to talk about desserts so I thought the idea had some merit.

My favorite desserts are chocolate.I love practically anything chocolate. If I had to pick a "healthier" dessert it would be strawberries. Strawberry Shortcake, strawberries and cool whip, plain strawberries, chocolate covered strawberries. They all are absolutely wonderful! There are really so many desserts that are appealing but not as tasty as strawberries and chocolate.


mmmmm.......mmmmm......mmmmmmmmmm.... good....... :)

If someone offered me a yummy wonderful dessert would I turn it down? most likely not! Now if someone offered me liver and onions, or cow's tongue, or ham hocks then NO WAY! please take the away before I get sick! But desserts....... mmmmm too good to dismiss without trying. You know that if you try a dessert that you absolutely love no matter how much willpower you have you will most likely finish that dessert. I know I would.


Ever think of sin like that? Do you think Satan would offer you some gross things to entice you with? Things that would turn your stomach and make you sick. That would not be tempting in the least. Temptation is defined as "something that seduces or has the quality to seduce". Seduce is defined as "to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises." So by definition temptation is desirable. Satan knows this. He knows what is desirable to me and what is desirable to you. It may or may not be the same thing. Just like we all love different desserts (Mike hates strawberries and will not touch them!) sin is also different for each of us. My sin issues are different then yours are. Just like my dessert choices are also different then yours. 

I know that if I eat chocolate I find it very hard to stop eating it if there is any left. I LOVE chocolate, ask Mike. I am notorious for taking any chocolate that is left in the house, even if he bought it for himself. I justify taking it because I think that when I go to the store I will buy him replacement candy bar. 


But what does that chocolate really do to me? It is a quick, yummy treat, true. But it also has high fat content and high calorie content. It is low in nutritional value which means that it isn't really healhty for us. It is a treat, plain and simple. If I ate only treats and no normal food, no veggies or meats, no fruits or breads I would be missing a lot of nutrients, vitamins and minerals. That loss of important building blocks can increase our inability to fight off sicknesses and make us more lethargic. We are unable to fight off sicknesses and to stay strong and healthy.

Sin is like that. If we indulge in sin we loose the ability to think clearly on God's desire for us. We become lethargic in our faith and sluggish in our response to correction from God. We become more suseptibale to fall into sin. Is that what you want for you life? It's not what I want that is for sure! 

I would rather feel healthy, strong and energetic. I love having the passion for life and the energy to spread that passion. With a good daily helping of God's Word and prayer (conversations with the Saviour) my day is filled with so much more then I could have ever imagined. I am energetic to spread His word and His love. I am strong to resist the attacks of sin that can be overwhelming to a weaker person. I look forward to eating more healthy foods. 
So have a bit of chocolate but keep it minimal as it is easy to over indulge. :)

so many people in the world

Wow, the world population is now 6,871,328,019 and the U.S. population is 310,344,759 according to US Census Bureau @ 20:07 UTC (EST+5) on Sep 26, 2010. 


HOLY COW!!! now that is a lot of people. 


Those with Moebius - 2,500 world wide
Bell's Pasly - 75,000 world wide
Disabled in some way: 100,000,000 world wide
Autism of some form: 1 in 150 (2,068,962 in the US)
Blind: 40,000,000 world wide
Hearing Impaired to some degree: 33,487,702 world wide
Depression: 120,000,000 world wide


NOTE: ALL NUMBERS ARE APPROXIMATIONS. All numbers were acquired through reputable websites siting researched data.


So, why do you care about these numbers? Why do I care about these numbers? Well, with all these people on Earth, and all the technology we have here on Earth (and in orbit of Earth) how come we still have these medical problems? We should be able to fight these problems with better results one would think. At least, I would think. 
Another common question is if there really is a God and he is loving, why do we still have all these problems/ Why has He allowed (or in some accusations caused) these problems to exists? 
Honestly, I don't have all the answers, however, I have a theory.
It all started with Adam and Eve. Yes, I know here we go again. blaming it all on the first sin in the garden. Think of it though, that is really how this whole thing started.... 
Adam and Eve were made in God's own image. That means they were like God. Healthy, without faults, with out defects. Yes, you heard me right. Humans are defective, whether you have a disability or not. When He created us, we had nothing wrong with us, no defects at all. So how did it happen to come that there are so many people with physical or mental difficulties? How come we as the human race have so many defects? 
Sin has crept into our lives so much that we barely see it for what it honestly is, sin. No, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that if you are sick or have some sort of disease that you are in sin and correcting that sin will get rid of the problem you are having. What I am saying i that in order to have the close relationship with Christ. We need to be honest with ourselves and with God, as to what our sin is and repent of it.  
I for one, want to admit to God and to the world, that I have sinned and continue to do so without intent or maliciousness. I pray that God restores me to my former beauty as he designed originally. Will you do that same? He desires a close relationship with you. All it takes is humbling yourself to admit your a sinful person and He is the only one that can clean you. :)

today happened.........

Ok, so today was busy. First, we woke up, feeling relaxed and not rushed. We spent some time together as a family, which we rarely are able to do first thing in the morning. I made eggs and toast for breakfast. (yummy!!!) I liked this family time a lot! Then Mike and I went to church for the prayer time. I never thought prayer could make me feel so good. I feel in awe at prayer. I know, I know, I know... I should have started going years ago. But I didn't so I shouldn't complain over things in which I have no control of. It certainly is not like I can go back and change things. I do think I did the right thing by postponing attend the prayer meetings though. Mike, now Mike and I, carpool to prayer with his long time friend, Terry. I know my husband rarely gets time to socialize with other men and I know he cherishes that time with Terry. I did not want to impose on that time. I still do not, but going to prayer has tunred out to be a blessing in more ways then I could imagine.

After prayer we moved some supplies around at church and then went to Wal-Mart.  We finally arrived home later then I had hoped. I was beat! My amazingly wonderful husband allowed me to sleep for nearly 2 hours when we arrived home. :) I really needed that nap.

Now here is the biggest event of the day. The person I was blogging about before, the one that I got into an argument about, well, I called her. We talked for over an hour. Although some of the talk was heated some it was good.  I have learned over the years to let things go. It's a hard lesson to learn but one that everyone must learn at one point or another. Sometimes it is better to let go then continue to argue. Being right isn't always the most important thing. (Not saying I was -or ever will be- COMPLETELY  right, mind you.) But being right is't all it's cracked up to be at times.

It got me thinking, why isn't it the best thing? You know, when you were a kid you would argue with your friends or siblings as to who was right? Back then being right was awesome! Being right gave you some aura of superiority, almost like standing on ground above those you are arguing with. But you see? There in lies the problem. You are above others, alone, singled out, set aside. For what? What do you really have to gain by being set apart, by being right? Well, for one, you have a great feeling of superiority. You also are proud of your stature. You are looked up to. But you are alone. ALONE. When you put yourself above others, in anyway, you loose sense of reality. You become egocentric, whether you believe me or not, you do.

How can we protect ourselves from such a place but not always give in to others' way of thinking? I have really only found one way. I have tried other ways. I have tried convincing others to see things my way. I have tried to justify my way. I have stayed solid in my belief and bold in stating them, therefore lost friends. I have not succeeded in protecting myself. I have only succeeded on hurting myself in the long run. People could tend to think that I might be snobbish, conceited, judgmental, rude, or pushy. At times people have thought that. And at times, they have been right.  So again, how can we protect ourselves from people thinking that and still be right? Easy. Humble your self and give God the reins to guide your words. Now, this is not easy to do. But it is necessary if we want to keep our witness and keep our friends. As humans we want to do things our own way. We want to be in control, just like we want be right. As an example, think of children. They always want to be right. Remember when you were a kid? You always thought your parents were too hard, they were wrong and you were right, they were mean, they were punishing you for no reason and so on. I know I did at times. I pretty sure you did at times also. Now that we are adults, or almost in some cases, you can see the error of your ways. you can see how your attitude contributed in escalating the punishment or correction, even if you were right. It doesn't matter if you are right. It matters how you express that, or if you express that at all. Sometimes it does not needed to be pointed out.

Handing God the reins to guide our words keep us in check. It helps us stay humble and realize that to keep a good friend you have to be a good friend. Sometimes that means shutting your mouth and not pointing out all their faults.

That was my mistake. Yes my part of the argument was, in my eyes and in my memory, correct. Pointing that out caused a huge argument. I did follow the Scriptures about helping your brother if he is in sin. I did follow the Scriptures to do so in love. However, pointing out everything is not so good an idea... sometimes you need to stop in your tracks and start taking baby steps. We all needed to learn in baby steps when were young. Non-believers and young Christians alike, need do that too. Just like you cannot make a baby walk before their time you can not point things out to someone who refuses to see them. God will show them in His time. Until then, just be a friend. Humble yourself, I'm speaking to myself here too, before God and allow Him to take the reins in your relationships. You'll be glad you did.

not sure what to say

Boy these last couple of days have been pretty nuts here. Not in the usual way either. I mean in ways that I am not used to, I mean arguing. Yes, I know we all have arguments from time to time but they come and go and you move past them. This argument isn't one I can move past very easily. You see it is very complex and very frustrating. 

When you are a Christian you ask Christ to save your from your sins, to guide you in your life, each and everyday. You desire to learn more about Him. You desire to be around others of like minds. Those that love Christ want to be around others that love Christ. They want to continue to learn and grow closer to the Saviour. Their conscience keeps their hearts focused on Christ which keeps them more aware of when they sin. Sin is confessed and your heart is cleansed through forgiveness like only Christ can give. 

But what if you know someone who is not following that but insists that they are saved? Well, scriptures tell us to go to our brother if we have a problem. It also says to guide those that need it.  But it emphases to do so in love without condemnation. 

Matthew 18:15-16 (King James Version)

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

Galations 6:1

Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

(I encourage all of you to read this article at this link:
http://webhosting.mastertemplates.com/webhosting/division-within-the-body-of-christ-part-two.html )

 I am trying really hard not to judge this person who I argued with. I do not want to judge them as individuals but rather show them their sin issue and have them correct that, with my help if they desire. Is that so wrong? Not according to the Scriptures, from what I read.

So, I guess this my argument with this particular person. They asked me what was wrong, why I was frustrated with them. I told them as nice as I could with as much love as I could, that their actions were affecting our relationship and more importantly it was affecting their relationship with Christ. I was worried for their salvation and their Christian walk.

OH MY WORD! You would think this person thought I was going to literally kill them! 

This person got so defensive and upset. I feel horrible for upsetting them but at the same time I do not. You see I am torn. I did not intend for this person to take offense to my words or my pointing things out, but I also felt led to point these things out knowing this person would not like it very much. I did what I felt I  had to do according to the Scriptures. Am I wrong for that? I do not believe so. Would I change my actions and the way I worded my letter to this person if I could? No, I wouldn't despite knowing how angry they are with me right now. You see, to me my relationship with Christ is more important to me then any other relationship I have with anyone here on Earth, even my husband and my children whom I love more then any other human being. 

Ok, so if I knew ahead of time that this person would be so angry at me and that my saying something would ruin the friendship I have with them why would I go ahead and say it? You know, you come to a realization in life that Christ's way is the only answer and you have to follow it, not because you are being asked to or made to but because you want to make you Father happy and pleased with you. You see, the relationship I have with this person is only temporary, for as long as I live here on Earth. However, my relationship with Christ is for eternity, longer then I can ever imagine...... :) Which relationship is really worth in the end? Which one will make me happier in the end? I think you know the answer to that one but I will spell it out for you. The relationship with Christ is more important to me then any other relationship I could ever dream of having here on Earth. It is one to be cherished moment by moment and have every attempt to make it stronger and stronger each day. 

I am deeply sorry this person is angry at me. Please always know that I love this person dearly. They do mean a lot to me and I would never change the experiences I have with this person as they make me what I am today. :)

Ok, so now you now my life story! lol Have a great night!

a spur of the moment

I was sitting at my computer earlier today and thought of this poem. Just a random thought at the spur of the moment. :) 

My life to Him I give,

For it’s He that makes me live.

In ways I could never dream or see,

On my own I’m without humility.

I trip over every branch and stone,

Since my life I make my own.

Giving it away to thee

Is the only way to make me free.

my favorite desserts

The last time I wrote in my blog a friend suggested that I relate desserts to sin and how tempting it is. I love to talk about desserts so I thought the idea had some merit.
My favorite desserts are chocolate.I love practically anything chocolate. If I had to pick a "healthier" dessert it would be strawberries. Strawberry Shortcake, strawberries and cool whip, plain strawberries, chocolate covered strawberries. They all are absolutely wonderful! There are really so many desserts that are appealing but not as tasty as strawberries and chocolate.

mmmmm.......mmmmm......mmmmmmmmmm.... good....... :) 

If someone offered me a yummy, wonderful dessert would I turn it down? Most likely not! Now if someone offered me liver and onions, or cow's tongue, or ham hocks then NO WAY! Please take the away before I get sick! But desserts....... mmmmm, too good to dismiss without trying. You know that if you try a dessert that you absolutely love no matter how much willpower you have you will most likely finish that dessert. I know I would.

Ever think of sin like that? Do you think Satan would offer you some gross things to entice you with? Things that would turn your stomach and make you sick. That would not be tempting in the least. Temptation is defined as "something that seduces or has the quality to seduce". Seduce is defined as "to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises." So by definition temptation is desirable. Satan knows this. He knows what is desirable to me and what is desirable to you. It may or may not be the same thing. Just like we all love different desserts (Mike hates strawberries and will not touch them!) sin is also different for each of us. My sin issues are different then yours are. Just like my dessert choices are also different then yours. 

I know that if I eat chocolate I have a hard time stopping if there is any left. I LOVE chocolate, ask Mike. I an notorious for taking any chocolate that is left in the house, even if he bought it for himself. I justify taking it because I think that when I go to the store I will buy him replacement candy bar. No harm done. Or is there?



But what does that chocolate really do to me? It is a quick, yummy treat. It lasts only a few moments and then is digested. It turns into fat. Fat that goes right around my waste! Now even though the chocolate was yummy and I enjoyed it I do not particularly like the results of added weight. 


Think about sin like that. Sin is tempting, enjoyable and seducing at first. It feels good and it feels right (sometimes) but afterward you are left with guilt, shame and regret. You may wish that you could go back in time and not commit that sin. No matter how tempting it was at the time you now know the result of committing it. You can't get rid of the dessert that you ate without making your self sick. You can' go back and redo events to not commit that sin.

But there is hope! Just like exercise helps you loose the extra weight you have gained from all the desserts, Jesus helps you feel better by forgiving you when you repent from the sin you fell into temptation with. 

~~  Jesus is like execise for the soul. :)   ~~

I hope that when you regretfully indulge in sin that you go to get your spiritual exercise by talking to our Lord and Savior. Ask him to cleanse you. :)

workboxes!

Ok, so today is officially the 2nd day with the workbox system. I Love LOVE, LOVE it!! I'm not sure how the kids feel about it but it worked well for us for today. The weekly schedule leaves me free from scheduling the remainder of the week. It also lets the kids take charge of some of their own time and school work.
I think we may change Literature for Adam though. It is a bit above his understanding and  a huge amount of reading out loud for me considering that I read Biology, History and Literature out loud to both boys. By the end of the day my voice should be hoarse! lol

I want to put some pictures on here about the workboxes but I have two small problems; one is I have no idea how to do it and secondly I have no pictures taken yet. lol My batteries are charging so I can take pictures soon.

So far the workboxes are set up, instead of drawers the way Sue Patrick designed it, as binders. Each kid has two binders. one binder is for this week we are working in. The second binder is for completed and graded work. In each binder each subject has it's own folder. Int he "this week's" binder the work to be completed goes in the left pocket. Once it is completed it is then moved to the right pocket. at the end of each week there should be nothing in the left pockets. Once all the work is graded the kids put it in their completed work binder in that subjects folder. In the front of each "this week's" binder each kid has their assignments listed for the whole week. It is up to them to make sure the work gets completed. They can do it in any order they want as long as it is all done by Friday afternoon.
Each kid gets a drawer to put their binder and pencils/pens in so they know right where their supplies are. We use a bookshelf for all the text and work books and their completed work binder. Each child gets their own shelf also. Their text/work books stay on their shelf. All the teacher's manuals are on a shelf for me. Everything is easy to find and in clear site. 
this has made my mind clearer then it was last year. Last year we went day by day. I know it wasn't a good system but I was just to lazy to figure it out and to plan ahead. This year I am determined to plan ahead. lol
The original system can be found at http://www.workboxsystem.com/ .As you ca see I have adapted it to use binders instead of drawers so it would work in the small space we have and so the kids would be more interested in using it. I thought they might think it was babyish if I used drawers for each subject. After talking to them about it I was right. They said no way... hahaha
You can also google workboxes and find ways others have adapted it. 
Well, I think that is all for this post. I will keep you posted as to how it continues to wrk (or not work) for us.

Always make your homeschool cool for you and your family. Don't make it a school but a place of learning. :)

a few things on my mind

First and fore most may I say that my husband has got to be the most wonderful husband there is! Why do I say this? Not because he did something special like get me flowers or chocolates. He didn't take me to dinner, in fact I cooked for him. He didn't need to discipline the kids for me either as they have been great all day. :) I just think he is a wonderful husband because I love him so much. He loves me and shows me each day with the little things he does. Each morning, whether I am awake or not he has kissed my cheek before leaving for work. He calls me each day on his lunch break just to say hi. The first thing he does upon entering our home after work is give me a hug and kiss and ask me how my day was. There is so much for him that I could do but since I get wrapped up in my own life I don't always show him the attention I should. So, I would like to shout to the world that my husband is awesome!!!
I was going to write a few other things on other subjects, in the blog today but I want to keep this particular entry just about my husband. It's the least I could do seeing as how much he does for me.
So Mike, I love you!!!!

How to Identify a Fool

This is originally posted on FaceBook by Ellen Gerwitz. Thank you for allowing me to repost it Ellen. :)
We've been studying Proverbs on Sunday mornings and this morning I had the thought that it might be interesting to put together a "checklist" if you will of the characteristics of fools so as to identify them more easily.  Below is my result.  I've included the scripture references, but have only summarized the concept of each verse.  It was convicting on a few points.  Let me know what you think!

How to Identify a Fool
Pro 1:7     Despises wisdom and instruction.
Pro 1:22   Hates knowledge.
Pro 1:32   Prosperity will destroy him.
Pro 3:35   Inherits shame.
Pro 10:1   Causes his mother grief.
Pro 10:14 Speech is full of foolishness.
Pro 10:18 Hides hatred with lies and slanders others.
Pro 10:21 Dies for lack of wisdom.
Pro 10:23 Finds getting into mischief entertaining.
Pro 11:29 Causes trouble in his own house.
Pro 12:15 Thinks he's always right.
Pro 12:16 Shows his anger.
Pro 12:23 Heart proclaims foolishness.
Pro 13:16 Shows his foolishness.
Pro 13:19 Hates to depart from evil.
Pro 13:20 Companions will be destroyed.
Pro 14:3   Has prideful speech.
Pro 14:8   Deceives himself.
Pro 14:9   Mocks sin.
Pro 14:16 Continues bad actions, despite being warned.
Pro 14:24 Wastes time with his foolishness.
Pro 14:33 Shares his foolishness with the whole world.
Pro 15:2   Mouth pours out foolishness.
Pro 15:5   Hates being instructed by his parents.
Pro 15:7   Does not speak with knowledge.
Pro 15:14 Loves to talk about foolishness.
Pro 15:20 Hates his mother.
Pro 16:22 Instructing him is a waste of time.
Pro 17:16 Has no desire to gain wisdom or knowledge.
Pro 17:21 Causes parents grief.
Pro 17:24 Focuses on anything except wisdom.
Pro 17:25 Causes grief and bitterness to parents.
Pro 18:2   Doesn't want to understand anything, focuses only on himself.
Pro 18:6   Constantly argues and seeks violence.
Pro 18:7   Mouth gets him in trouble.
Pro 19:13 Causes disaster to his father.
Pro 19:29 Constantly in need of punishment.
Pro 20:3   Seeks out strife.
Pro 21:20 Wastes resources.
Pro 23:9  Despises words of wisdom.
Pro 26:7  What he says is not reliable.
Pro 26:9  What he says causes pain.
Pro 26:11 Continually returns to the same behavior over and over again.
Pro 29:9  Argues and contends in every situation.
Pro 29:11 Speaks his mind all the time even when it's inappropriate.

too scared to be near it

Hi. Right now my kids are playing with their Nerf blow dart guns their father made for them. To see my kids laughing and playing, and their father being silly with them, has sure made this day wonderful!
Adam, my oldest, has been suffering all weekend with side pain and nausea due to a kidney infection. Daniel, my youngest, was sick this morning also. :( I hate when the kids are sick.
Anyhow, today Mike and I went to church by ourselves because both boys were sick. It was an enjoyable teaching but I did miss my children. The teachings at church have been phenomenal lately. I have learned so much! My pastor's wife, Ellen, has come up with a list of foolish traits one might have in regards to their relationship with Christ, as found in Proverbs. I will include that list in another blog. Right now I want to tell you what happened to me on the way home from church. It scared me beyond my imagination. I feel quite stupid about it but I wanted to share because I had a thought when it happened that I got excited about. ~~~ If only....... mmmmmmmmmm (sorry daydreaming! lol) ~~~~~

Ok, I'm awake now. We own a Dodge Caravan, gold in color. It has bucket seats in the front and two benches in the back. I was sitting in the front (bucket) passenger seat and Mike, of course, was driving. We were going along with no problems when I happened to look down at my lap. OM MY GOODNESS!!!!!

If you know me you know I hate spiders. I have tried and tried and tried till I am blue in the face not to be and I have gotten much better over the years. I am not sure why they freak me out so much as I know that I am bigger then then and I can kill them with barely a thought but for some illogical reason they still scare me.

Right next to my leg was a small hairy, black and yellow (or so it looked) spider. If you can imagine this happening to someone who hates spiders, but trying to be brave, you can see how I would feel. I was trying to keep "brave" and not be squeamish, just gasped a little bit. (Enough for Mike to look over at me though.) then it happened!
IT JUMPED!!!! on to my LEG!!!!!!!  That was it! I shot across -- towards mike, who is driving, -- the passenger seat until less that half my body is on the seat. Most of it was suspended in the air between the seats. I was not happy at this moment. In fact, much to my dismay (and embarrassment) I was terrified. I have no reasonable reason though as I know I m bigger then this spider.

So, Mike pulled over, being the wonderful husband that he is, and spider killer to boot. He got out of the car, opened my door while I jumped into the driver seat, to kill that big (rather tiny actually) ugly, hairy. jumping spider. Only he couldn't find that stupid icky spider!!!!! So, I trying again to be brave feeling stupidly scared, move back to my seat and he gets in his seat. We start to drive home. Then, as I am taking a sip of my water, I see the spider again, close to me! My heart races, I gasp again and jump towards Mike. My lovely, wonderfully supportive husband again pulls over to get the mean ole spider. This time he finds it and swooshes it out of the car, freeing me from it's terror. Meanwhile, I am having a hard time keeping my breath steady and almost on the verge of tears, again, feel so stupid while sitting in the driver's seat again.

All the way home I am peeking everywhere I can see from my seat while I am buckled safely in, and UNABLE to jump out of the way if a wayward spider decides to scare me again. My breathe is not steady and my heart is beating out of my chest. I am left feeling scared and worried and much to my embarrased thoughts, feeling really stupid for being scared.

So why am I talking about all this if it embarrassing? Well, because of the thought that crossed my mind on the way home of course! lol

What if we could jump out of the way of sin when it comes near us? it sure would save us a lot of time, energy wasted on the sin and the frustrating, humbling time picking up ourselves after the sin is done. If only we could just, like Mike, swoosh it out of the way. That would be so nice! It would be much easier for us to keep the relationship with Christ free and clear so we can be more intimate with Him.

I would love to be able to wake up one morning and not have to worry about if I sin that day. I could just look at the day and jump out of the way of sin that is trying to distract me from my Saviour. :)

If only.... I would love to be too scared to be near it. wouldn't you?

what a day. :)

So, today I woke up feeling fairly good for a change. So many things have gone on in my life recently that I feel as though I barely have anytime to breathe. :) Although this week did not go as I had planned, or at least had hoped it would go, I am here to tell you all about it now. This week consisted of a migraine, a trip to the docs for me to get rid of my migraine, some school (although not nearly as much as I had hoped), lots of phone calls (way too many!), cleaning house, laundry, going through curriculum books, organizing the school bookcase, a major (MAJOR) fight with Adam, friends visiting (love ya Jennie!!), Adam's doctor appointment, Wal-Mart a couple of times, library a couple of times, baby sitting, blood work, and finally a cranky teenage boy in pain with a kidney infection. I think that about sums up my week. Oh! Did I mention Adam's bike got stolen? lol Oh MY! What a week we have had here!

So what did I get out of this week? Make the most of what I am given each day, despite how I felt physically. I was able to breathe. I was able to walk. I was able to cook a wide variety of foods to satisfy my family. I had clothes (too many Mike would say!) to keep me warm. A roof over my head that keeps me dry when it rains and in the shade when the sun shines. Medicine to make me feel better and a family to love me.

All in all, I think it was a pretty good week.

I know each of us has our bad days, some more then others. I also know some of us aren't as lucky (actually blessed) as others to have all the things that we have. But, I also know that if you are reading this you are alive and that is something to be thankful for!

You know, you might look at my life and think what does she have to be unhappy for? She's happily married, has a nice place to live, goes to church and has great friends. How could she relate to the life I have? Well, there is so much you do not know about me and tonight I feel led to share.

When I was a wee babe I lived with my biological mom and dad and 5 siblings. We lived in a run down house that we rented, in a crime ridden, cockroach infested part of the city. I was beaten so bad that I should have died. I have had all the bones in my body broken at least once, including my neck. Actually we all were, all six of us kids. When I was 7 my whole world fell apart.

My father and mother had signed all of their kids over to the State of NY. They didn't want us anymore, or so it felt at the time. All 6 of us kids were placed in foster homes. God blessed me with two wonderful things that year. One, that I was one of only two of the 6 kids to live with a sibling. The other one was my older sister, Loana. We lived, for the next 14 years, with our foster parents. They were amazing parents. I never went hungry anymore, I always had fresh clean clothes that actually fit me and were not hand me downs with tons of stains and holes, I went to a nice school where I did not get ridiculed each day, I was no longer beaten daily, and most of all I learned that Jesus died to save my soul.

When I turned 21 I married the most wonderful man I had ever met. Our life started out great, so I thought. I had a horrible pregnancy with my oldest son right after we got married. I had always had muscle and joint pains but now they were getting much, much worse. I couldn't take care of my family like I needed to because of the pain and the post-postpartum depression. I started my marriage thinking life would be glorious once I got married. Boy, was I wrong! Having all these new responsibilities, having a new baby and being in more pain then before all the time was a bit too much for me. My new husband had no idea what he had got himself into either! He thought he was marrying someone that was healthy only to find out she (me) had one medical problem after another.I found out I had Fibromyalgia and Endometriosis. I have had a complete hysterectomy and two foot surgeries. I am on meds for the rest of my life for health issues and pain. We had unresolved issues for a long time. After while we started to talk about the issues and, with God's guidance, we were able to work things out.

As the years have gone on we have not only grown closer to each other but, more importantly, grown closer to God. It takes each day waking up and putting God first in your life, in your marriage, in your parenting to stay close to Him and have a happy marriage. Parenting isn't all it's cracked up to be either! I thought when I had kids things would be ok. We would live the normal "2.5 kids, a house and a dog" lifestyle that is so common in the US. After that first rough pregnancy and delivery Mike wanted no mare kids. Adam was a handful too, so having kids right away wasn't really an option for either one of us. Then after a bit we changed our minds (and God creates in woman the ability to forget what having a baby is really like!) and we had Daniel. Now I thought Adam was a handful. I had no idea what having Daniel would be like.

Both my kids have special needs that each have their own challenges. Adam has severe learning disabilities with reading and writing, Asperger's, Sensory Processing issues, and hypermobility. Daniel has Moebius, Sensory Processing Issues and Anxieties. Daniel was also born with a malformed kidney that needed to be removed when he was 10 months old. Between both kids we have seen a ton of doctor's and read a ton of books. We have talked to other parents that have kids like ours and gleamed a lot of useful information. But no matter what help you get, having special needs children requires a lot of time and effort. Now we are homeschooling both boys again after having 3 - 4 years off (they were in public school).

So you see, life isn't all peachy keen and a bed of roses. Life is hard, for everyone. I know life can give you lemons and you should make lemonade with them. Easier said then done! lol With God though, things sort of fall in to place and He provides help and comfort from the oddest places.

I know life can be rough. Alright, it can be down right crappy at times! But God is there through it all. He is waiting for you to take His hand and let Him lead you. I guess that is why, after such a horrible week, I am thrilled to have experienced it. God has been great to me this week. I still have my health (even if that has problems too), my wonderful family, a great place to live, clothes on my back, food to eat, and a car to drive. I could go on and on and on with the blessings God gives me each day but I think you get the point.

So, think about what God has given you the next time you think life is rough. Think of those that are less fortunate then you. Remember that God loves you so much that He doesn't want you to suffer. All He asks in return is for you to love Him back and follow His lead. I hope you do that. I know I will!

what to feel

I'm not sure what to write today but I feel as though it might help me to feel better, so here I am. I am still feeling down since Adam's fit the other day. That was the worst I have ever seen him. Part of me is numb I guess, not wanting to believe he can act that way. Part of me is not surprised though. I think about his attitude and then I am reminded of our attitude to God. There really isn't a difference at times.
What does God think of us?!?!?!? We reject his guidance more often then not and we argue with Him just as much. He is our Father! We are supposed to obey, with out question, with out hesitation. Yet we don't. How must He feel about us when we behave that way?
Thinking about this makes me disgusted with myself. I guess that is part of what is making me feel so down today.

Dear Lord Jesus,
I am an ugly animated dirt ball. I am not worth the love and  care you give me, but still you give it freely. Lord, I do not understand your love. It is unconditional, never ending, and all encompassing. I know my love for my children is nothing like that. I want it to be but reality sets in and although I love my child in my mind my heart rebels and at times, wants nothing to do with them. If only I had your kind of love to give them. I know I do. It is free for the asking. I really want it but then the feeling of not deserving it steps in and refuses to let me take a hold of your love.

We are only human. We are sinful, disgusting, bratty children in your eyes. But still you love us no matter what we do. I do not understand. with these human eyes I am not able to understand. wth this human mind I can not comprehend.
Lord, let me see with your eyes, let me feel with your heart, let me be like you. Only then can I truly be happy.

Thank you for loving me no matter how crappy I behave. Thank you for forgiving me no matter what the sin was that I committed. Thank you for never forsaking me, always being by my side patiently waiting for me to return to you.


Love your daughter, Trisha

the kids are in bed

You ever feel so angry or disappointed in your children that you can't wait for them to go to bed? Sometimes it's hard to even look at them when you get that upset at them. Well, that was sort of how I felt today. No I did not hate my child, nor was I rude to him, but I was not interested in being around him today.
Adam is in a stage of life that we all have been in. He is trying to find his place in the world and trying to find out his status in society. He is a teenager.

All day this has been irritating me, nipping at my emotions, making me upset and feeling hurt. Tonight, however, I am left feeling somewhat different. I am left hinting of questions whose answers bother me a great deal.

Do we ever really grow up? Aren't well teenagers in God's eyes? Yes and no. Yes, I think that no matter how old we get we will always have more to learn from God. We will always need to be corrected by our Father. Yes, I feel that in some respects we all act like spoiled teenagers at some point in ours lives. Some of us (this is the no part) do learn and humble ourselves before God. Some of us, like my son Adam, have a really hard time with that. humbleness makes you realize that no matter how important you feel you are there is always someone you are accountable to. Someone is in authority over you... That is something you can never escape.

Today I think Adam has started to understnad that no matter what he feels is right we will not abide by his interpretation of how the world works. He feels that God put us all equal. That the Constitution states we are all equal. Well, after lots of research tonight I came to find out that it really doesn't say that at all. The Declaration of Independence does but not in the context Adam is thinking.

You see what dawned on me tonight is that we all act like Adam at some point in our loves. How many times have you stuck to your own thoughts about something because you feel you are right?  How many times have we 'manipulated' things to make it fit what we want it to fit? I know I have. I know you have also at one point or another.

What does God think of all that? WE ARE ALL SINNERS. No matter what sin we commit, it is all sin. But, just like I will eventually forgive my son for his attitude God forgives us even more so each time we sin. All we have to do is believe in Him, follow Him, and ask him to forgive our sinfulness.

For that to happen though we have to humble ourselves and submit ourselves to His authority. Tonight, I am doing that.... are you? Will Adam? I do not know what the answers to those questions are but I do now that one day we will all have to submit to God whether we like it or not. It's just easier to do it willingly.

today is almost done - good

ok, so now it is 5:32 and I can not wait till bed time. Yesterday was a horrible day despite my best friend coming to visit with me. Although I totally enjoy her visits my son's do not always share my thoughts. My oldest is in a rebellious stage where he feels he is always right and therefore doesn't have to respect me or obey me. My youngest is one who likes to be active so sitting around and chatting is not to his tastes.

Yesterday started our with a huge migraine. Then I went to the  doctor's for two shots to get rid of the migraine and that made my arms hurt a great deal. Today my one arm, the right of course! hurts even more then before. After arriving home from that my son starts up with this attitude of "I'm not doing anything you say, do it yourself." So now I am tired, sore, embarrassed in front of my friends and upset. Not a good mix of feelings.

Mike arrived home to an angry house. He dealt with it and now he is frustrated and depressed. Today we are feeling the same way as we did when we went to bed, worn out and unmotivated. Adam's behavior is better today but he is still in an upset mood also. At least he is obeying now.Daniel was fine from the beginning and has been helpful yesterday and today.
I'm not sure why I am writing this except to ask for prayer. What is rebellion and what is asperger's? What disciplines work for our son? I know every person has their price and we have to find that price for Adam. Right now he has no privileges (computer ps2 friends...) and he was punished last night too. I just pray this helps.
I am worn out and ready for bed now... and it's only 5:40.........

being healthy

Today feels like a long tiring day but there really is no reason for that to be. The house has been straightened up a lot over the last couple of days, and this morning. The laundry is folded and put away, except the socks which I will fold this afternoon. The dishes are all done and the kitchen is clean. So I feel like I have been productive. No wonder I am tried right? Nope, you are not correct. Yes, I have done lots of things over the last few days between helping with a birthday party, cleaning house and getting ready to start school today with my boys.

I think I am tired because all of these things are mundane, boring meaningless mind-numbing tasks... My brain is tired which makes my body tired. 

What do you to when you are physically or emotionally tired? I don't know about you but I do one of two things, eat junk foods or fall asleep. So, what do you do when you are spiritually tired? I usually "eat" "junk food"or sleep. Again, neither are beneficial to my over all, long term health

We all know what junk food is, you know chips, cookies, drive thru fast food, high carbs and high salts usually. So what is spiritual junk food? It can't be cookies or candy, can it? Actually metaphorically, yes it can. Things such as listening to the world's way of solving our problems, always taking meds for things rather then finding out the rot of the problem, getting therapy instead of talking to God, reading self help books, not disciplining our children so we do not ruin their self esteem, you get the idea. 

I know plenty of people who would disagree with me on this and that is ok. They have every right to disagree but that doesn't make them right. Based off the Word of God being a Christian is not always easy. He never promised us an easy road thru life. Narrow is that way, thru the eye of a needle, those who are persecuted for my sake, brother against brother sister against sister, etc... etc... 

So why would anyone want to become a Christian, if it is dry difficult to do? Well, let's back up a step. What is the benefit of eating healthy and exercising? You have a happier, less medically-stressful, longer life. So what would be the benefit of living spiritually healthy and doing spiritual exercise (reading the Word)? You not only live a happier Christian life and are a witness others while doing so but you live a more fulfilled life. One that is more rewarding to Christ.

Think ofit this way, if you could switch bodies with anyone in the world for a day, (they had your body and you had theirs), how would you want your body treated? Would u want this other person taking care of it or woul you mind if they gorged themselves with all the unhealthiest of foods, smoked, did drugs and drank? Of course you would mind! After all, it is your body that you live in. You will be getting it back and you want to make sure it is in good shape when it is returned to you, right?

Well, think of it this way. God lives in us, He has given these bodies to us to use while we were here on Earth. We will one day be returning them to Him to do with as He wishes. Do you want to give him a crappy, run down, dilapidated body that died early from the addictions you allowed it to get into? Or do you want to give God back this body well taken care of and working good?

Me? I want to hear Him say "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have treated this vessel with care. Thank you."

I know some days I do not eat healthy physically or spiritually, but I do try to make sure my over all eating habits stay healthy. I hope you do too. :)

getting burned

Ok, so maybe you all think I got burned tonight. Not that it would surprise me, but no I did not actually ge burned in the typical sense of the word. I do however has a burning sensation on my lips. It is all Adam's fault! hahahaha Ok, not really his fault, it's mine. I can blame him though, right? lol

I bought the kids some fresh picked hot peppers the other day. I thought they could make hot sauce with them. Adam loves (LOVES) spicy foods. He gets very proud of himself when he mixes spies to BBQ sauce to make a hot and spicy BBQ sauce. So, being a nice mom, and being bored tonight, after everyone went to bed, I roasted the peppers to give a nice flavor and remove the skins. This way the kids (mostly Adam) can make the hot sauce in the morning with out help from me. :o)

I was careful not to wipe my eyes or lick my fingers and stuff like that. I know these peppers are spicy hot. I do not like spicy hot anything so I was very careful. Apparently I wasn't careful enough though. lol You see, hot peppers that are having the skins removed let off some juice in the air. OH MY! My face is right above the plate I am using to put the peppers on. My eyes get the heat and I blink quite a bit. It gets better, no problems. My lips though!!! HOLY COMOLY!!! It is as if all the juice that the pepper let off seemed into the skin around my lips. Fifteen minutes later I am sitting here and my lips are still burning!!!

I try to do something nice and I get burned. Ever feel that way? I sure do at times. I try to help someone and they get mad at me. Or I get someone a gift and they hate it. Or, well, you get the idea.

It's at times like that I wonder if I did what God asked me to do, or, did I read more into it then God actually said. I fel like I got burned when things don't go as I expect them because someone changed their ideas of the situation. It is like the hot spicy burning sensation burning my lips. It hurts at first, then the pain lingers, trying to make it go away irritates it more, then I get upset at what ever caused the burning sensation in the first place.

Getting mad at the peppers is pretty senseless and ridiculous, right? Well, so is getting mad at someone else, or even at God Himself, when you get burned. If I had waited for the peppers to cool I might have had thta burning sensation as bad as I did. If I wait for God to show me what to do I won't feel as though I am being burned by God, circumstances and other people.

Wait on the lord to avoid getting burned. He will always direcxt our paths straight if we jsut humble ourselves and ask Him.

a headache kind of day.........

Today has been a day full of lots of things, including a migraine!!! Oh how I dislike migraines. I have not had this bad of one in about a year or so and I was blessed with only minor headaches regularly rather then major ones. God sure has been good to me for the last year. For this alone do I feel honored and blessed beyond measure!

That got me thinking........ God is so good to me. I was severely beaten as a young child, but God protected me and I am still alive today. He had me raised in a foster home that loved the Lord and went to a born again church.  My foster parents were wonderful and they raised me as if I was one of their own. Over the years I was never in need of anything and barely in want of anything for it was all, and them some, provided for me. I felt welcomed and loved......

As an adult, even tough I do not have foster kids of my own, I still try to give back. I am not giving back because I want to justify why I was treated so well, not because I think I can earn anything by doing so, not to look good in front of people. I give back to show my god I love Him and am thankful for protecting me all those years, and still doing so now. 

For I the Lord your God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, Who says to you, Fear not; I will help you! (Isaiah 41:13)

Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost; Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour; That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life. 

(Titus 3: 5-7)


So, now as an adult I try to live my life for Jesus each and everyday. I admit I am not perfect, actually I am far from it!!! Neither and I sinless but rather I just sin less. So today, I thank Jesus Christ the Son, God the Father and the Holy Spirit in helping me sin less and less each day. I will never be sinless but I can try to always sin less. :o)

As another note of interest I have been receiving a lot of rebuke from one person on facebook. I shared, very briefly and nicely, an invite to my church. I could have just put it on my facebook profile wall page but I felt led to ask people thru a private message instead. Well, as I expected just not to this extent, someone thought I was being "pushy" in my religion. pushy? Me? Obviously he has no idea what I am like. lol!!! Too funny!!!!!! I mean, if you know me well, I am honest and open about my faith and my relationship with Christ, however you would also know I am not pushy.

so my point is if you feel lled to share, by all means LISTEN TO IT!!!
SHARE YOUR FAITH!!
Jesus requires it. After all Scriptures talk about not hiding your light, to go forth and spread the good news, to be bold. They will know you by your fruit. If we are timid and do not share then we will produce no fruit. I'm sorry but I do not want to be hewn down!!! I do not want to be cast into the fire!!!!!!!
So, despite the slack I received, and will expect to continue to receive, I will be vocal about my beliefs. If you do not like it, please ignore me. delete me or do not read this blog.

Matthew 7:15-20 (King James Version)

Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

If you do share my thoughts please comment below how you share your faith each day. Are you a quiet secret person who helps in the background or are you front and center helping out where ever needed? Do your friends know you are saved? If not... why? Do strangers you meet get the feeling that you are different because of your beliefs or do you resemble everyone else in your actions? 

They (the world) will know believers (us) by our fruits. Are you known by yours? 

 I pray daily that the people I meet will always see Jesus before they see me. :) 

lesson learned

Today has been a rough day for me with my walk with God. Not that I have not felt close to Him or anything. I have not been disobedient, to my knowledge. I have actually prayed quite a bit today, feeling thankful for all He has done for me. So why has it been rough? Well, not only was I taught one lesson today, I was taught 2!

First might I explain what happened today... Well, I have been in a slump, feeling frustrated and sad because I feel compelled, almost "required" to break contact with someone I once was very, very close with.  Due to once being close to this person breaking off the relationship, in my mind, is inconceivable... It is not something I want to do. This someone has always claimed to be saved, to Love the Lord God with all their heart. This person and I have been through a lot (I mean A LOT!!) together. Not talking to this person, albeit very seldom as of late, brings sadness to my heart. If I feel so close to this person why do I feel compelled to break contact? Well, it is easy. They have offended my God, the one True God. Their behavior is not only atrocious and wrong (according the the Word that they say they follow) but they have lived their life this way for some time, a lot longer then I care to admit. To sit idly by and watch this person disgrace the God that I love so much hurts me deeply. I have tried to talk to this person. I have tried to reason with this person. I have prayed and prayed and prayed.......... but my compelling feelings have not changed, nor has their behavior.

Then a couple of days ago, this person was very rude to me because their views differed from mine, which were based on Scriptures. When I asked this person not to be rude, I was then told off... This was not the first time this type of situation has come up. So, you see I have a choice........ do I sit back quietly while they continue to act opposite the Scriptures while telling everyone they are Saved, and stay friends with them therefore seeming to condone their behavior? OR Do I cut my losses, end the friendship, live for Christ and leave it all up to God?

Gee, let me think.................. It's a no-brainer right? Yes, but, (you knew there would be a but, right?) since I was really, really close to this person it is hard to let things end. I know I haven't had much of a relationship with them lately but to say we are done for good is such finality......... It has been troubling me so much lately. I feel betrayed by this person, hurt deeply. They know the truth yet they will not live by the truth, but they say they are Christians...... To me, that is slapping God in the face by saying you worship him but live opposite to His Word. I can not, nor will I, sit idly by and watch them slap my God in the face. I can't just do that... It's wrong!

So, where did I learn my lesson? At dinner tonight of all places!!! We always read a devotional to the kids while we eat dinner as a family. Tonight we chose to read My Utmost for His Highest. We do not always read that day's reading; we sometimes open it up and read what it opens to, other times we "search" (skim) for something that may pertain to what we are going through. I did the last option today. Since I had been struggling with this situation I thought Jan 11th sounded promising. It is titled "What my obedience to God costs other people". It talks about how if we live our lives according to Scriptures and keep obeying God people around us will ridicul, be upset, or angry at us because sometimes our obedience to God causes them an inconvience......

Like going to the movies. If a friend asks me to go to the movies with her and some friends, and I say yes. then I find out it's a horror movie they are going to see. I then change my mind because I don't agree that watching a horror movie is edifying. They might get mad at me and call me little miss goodie two shoes...

So you see, in that circumstance my living for God inconvenienced and upset my friends... So getting back to my situation I learned that no matter what this person feels about me, whether they get mad at me or think I am stuck up or whatever it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things........ My God is happy with my obedience and that makes me happy. :)

Ok, so one lesson learned now about the second lesson......... That was caused my the disobedience of my son. My oldest son has never really "got things" and understood why in fact something was wrong that he did. As he has gotten older this has happened less often but it happened tonight. Mike and I found out that Adam defaced property belonging to our apartment complex. He did it when his friends were around a while ago, apparently. We just found out about it tonight. Of course we were furious!!! Mike was extremely upset because eviction can be the end result of defacement of complex property... We have lived here 14 years already, with never a problem. We do not want any problems, especially caused by our children. Most kids would have remorse and understand the depth of their sin. Adam, not so much. He was confused. Although he knew it was wrong, he understood he did it willfully, he was lost on the idea that his friends were around when he did it and no one told him he was wrong for doing it. (I know I know! Most people would totally get that without an explanation, but not Adam, not with his Asperger's.) So it took some time to get it through to him it doesn't matter what others thought, or said. He knew the right way to behave. They are not his conscience. God is... then it dawned on me.......

Here is the second lesson. How many times have we acted that same way towards God? How many times have we told God (directly or indirectly) that "everyone's doing it" ~~ I don't understnad why we can't do it? What is so wrong with it? It's not all that bad. ~~  You see where I am going with this.

It doesn't matter who is doing what, or when or how. We have the Scriptures to guide us, we need to take responsibility for our own actions. We need to stop leaning on our friends to help us stay out of trouble. We need to stand up in our faith and live for Christ, even when we don't understand or when everyone else is disobeying... It is up to us to behave and act responsible. God expects us to. I expect me to...

So that is my lessons learned today. You know I feel much better now that I have shared all that. :)

:o)

animated dirt balls

I do the things I ought not to do and do not do the things I ought to do...
This is the story of my life. My pastor, Matt Gerwitz has a saying that I really love becuase it really puts things into focus for me. He calls humans, mankind, animated dirtballs. well, It sure is true...

Tonight for instance, after a busy but wonderful two days I had had enough emotional stress..... Dnaiel, being my lovely, wonderfully caring son, was asking me to take care of something that someone did to him today. I had already taken care of that problem earlier in the day... I didn't understnad why I was being asked again about it.... so, I got upset.... I became a dirt ball.

A living, talking, walking animated dirt ball...

Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for loving me despite my faults. Thank you for being willing to be born to this filthy Earth sot ath you might willingly be put to death for crimes you were not guilty of just so I could be with you in Heaven for eternity... I love you because you first loved me.
                                                                                       your beloved, Trisha

Remember that next time you do something you know better then to be doing it, we are all animated dirtballs but are washed clean and accepted in to the fold of the Lord by His flowing blood and resurrection.

sorry it has been so long

As I sit here I think "ok what am I going to write about?" Even though I have been busy getting ready for the new school year and Mike has been on vacation a few times this summer it seems as though there isn't a lot to write home about. this summer we have done many family things around the Rochester area. I love spending time with my family.
At church we have had a number of extremely good teachings, not that Matt's teachings are always good mind you. Lately he has focused on challenging the congregation to improve their walk with Christ and here on Earth. Recently his biggest challenge was to get someone you know to hold you accountable for something you need to improve in your life, a sin issue. so, I took the challenge, in fact Mike and I both did. My accountability person is Ellen. (THANK YOU ELLEN!!!) So how does one hold someone else accountable when they do not see them daily? It is based on trust.... trust is funny thing.

Trust is a two way street, like most things in any relationship. Does Ellen trust me to tell her the truth about my sin issue and how I have progressed with making it better? Do I trust Ellen to hold me accountable for behaving in an inappropriate way against God? I sure hope so. I know I trust her, otherwise I wouldn't have asked her. I pray she trusts me to be honest. I am, you know, really...despite how it hurts how I look.

So how do I look? Not to people, silly lol, but to God? When we sin it is gross, disgusting, dirtier then anything we have ever seen or imagined in God's eyes. Can you imagine bringing something into your house that is so gross it makes you physically sick? that is makes your family want to run out of the house throwing up? that is how it is between us and God. OH WOW! When you put it like that it is really cruel that we sin against God. so why do we do it?
Honestly, because it feels so good... Our human nature desires to do what feels good to us. when we sin it makes us feel like we can do anything. Oh it's just a white lie, nothing big. Or it's just a pen I took from the bank when I wrote my check, no biggie... Even, taking a longer break then you are supposed to (by even 5 minutes) is stealing. So you do not have to be a murdered, commit armed robbery or be a pathological liar to not be looked upon favorable in God's eyes. We all do. All the time.More then we ever know.
So, can we ever be found favorable to God?

YES!!!!! YES AND YES!!!! That is the awesome thing about God. He is not one to hold grudges. He forgives you each and every time as long as confess your sin and repent. God loves us all the time, no matter how disgraceful we behave. He wants to have that close relationship with us and wants us to desire to have one with Him. If we are always bringing dirty gross sin into the relationship He has to turn his nose at it. How can He not? But if we clean the house, (repent our sins) and invite Him to join us in a clean place washed by His blood He rejoices to spend time wiht us. Do you rejoice at that too? I certainly do!
well, this was much longer then I anticipated, but I think it turned out well.
Remember that in order to be close to Christ, you need His blood to clean you.

God Bless, Trisha