I'm not sure what to write today but I feel as though it might help me to feel better, so here I am. I am still feeling down since Adam's fit the other day. That was the worst I have ever seen him. Part of me is numb I guess, not wanting to believe he can act that way. Part of me is not surprised though. I think about his attitude and then I am reminded of our attitude to God. There really isn't a difference at times.
What does God think of us?!?!?!? We reject his guidance more often then not and we argue with Him just as much. He is our Father! We are supposed to obey, with out question, with out hesitation. Yet we don't. How must He feel about us when we behave that way?
Thinking about this makes me disgusted with myself. I guess that is part of what is making me feel so down today.
Dear Lord Jesus,
I am an ugly animated dirt ball. I am not worth the love and care you give me, but still you give it freely. Lord, I do not understand your love. It is unconditional, never ending, and all encompassing. I know my love for my children is nothing like that. I want it to be but reality sets in and although I love my child in my mind my heart rebels and at times, wants nothing to do with them. If only I had your kind of love to give them. I know I do. It is free for the asking. I really want it but then the feeling of not deserving it steps in and refuses to let me take a hold of your love.
We are only human. We are sinful, disgusting, bratty children in your eyes. But still you love us no matter what we do. I do not understand. with these human eyes I am not able to understand. wth this human mind I can not comprehend.
Lord, let me see with your eyes, let me feel with your heart, let me be like you. Only then can I truly be happy.
Thank you for loving me no matter how crappy I behave. Thank you for forgiving me no matter what the sin was that I committed. Thank you for never forsaking me, always being by my side patiently waiting for me to return to you.
Love your daughter, Trisha
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