I know that this is a copy of the note I put up on facebook but I thougth it would be good to post it here too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLJis6ZKRJE
When I was little my sister made this poem up. I have never forgotten it. It still brings joy to my heart.
God is love, that love surrounds us
In His love I safely dwell
'Tis above beneath around us
God is love and all is well.
*****************************************************
Tonight I heard this song on the radio and I thought of my sister's poem.
This song is from JJ Heller:
Love Me
He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, "Dear God won't you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?"
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman whose husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would've stayed
And she says... who'll love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
'Cause nobody has shown me what love,
what love really means
He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
"Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home"
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said...
"I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen, I'll tell you that I..."
I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew
Today on my way home from Bible Study I heard this song on the radio. I have heard it plenty of times before and each time it breaks my heart. I feel like the people this song is singing about. Well, I used to be like them, but with Christ, I feel whole.... :o)
When the song was over I turned off the radio and prayed, thanking God for who He is and who He has made me become. Then this poem came to mind. so before I forgot it I wrote it down as soon as I got home. I hope you enjoy it.
A Broken Heart Anew
You took me out of mother's beating hands
You took me out of my life of despair
You took my heart, its pieces all apart
You took it in your hands made it like brand new
You took me in your arms made me feel the love from you
There is nothing I can do to make that up to you
So I accept your loving gift and keep it treasured in my soul
Thanking you always for making me whole
God's goal for you in life.
Life goes on, move with it
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
my anger.....
Tonight I am angry. Why? Could it be the teens that are bugging the neighborhood? Or how about the lady that condemned me on facebook? Or even my children that have questioned me at every step today? Nope, none of those things are making me angry.
Today I am angry at myself. why? Well, lately there has been a whole lot of stress on my plate. I have been dealing with it on my own, with the help of some wonderful friends who have let me vent to them. So, since I have "reasons" to be angry at the things that are going on why am I angry at myself? Did you notice that I put the word reasons in quotations? There is a method to my madness. lol
So I have reasons to be angry, so what! Does that give me the right to take that stress on everyone else? NO! Does that give me the right to complain and vent to my friends? NO! Does it give me the right to be self-centered? (Well, I have had a rough day so that is why I am grumpy.) NO! Just because I have a reason to have those feelings I do not have to have them. I could go to God. I could give those feelings to Him. I could, but I didn't, until just now.
UGH!!!! Now I am angry at myself for not going to God lie I should have in the first place. But if there is one thing I have learned over the years I have been alive, it is not to dwell on the has beens and could haves; not to dwell on what should have been done or where I went wrong. You cannot change the past.
So right now, this second I pray that God corrects my selfish dirty heart. No matter how people treat me or how many bad things happen to me and my family, I have no write to complain or be grumpy. God has given me life! LIFE!!!!! Life beyond this Earthly body. He has given me ETERNAL LIFE! all for FREE
God is good and I am sorry. :o( I know He forgives me for my actions and my lack of actions. He is always there to hold me tight and make me feel better.
So, I thank you God for holding me tight and comforting me. I thank you for providing a way, through the shed blood of Jesus Christ, for me to spend eternity with you. I love you because you first loved me.
Today I am angry at myself. why? Well, lately there has been a whole lot of stress on my plate. I have been dealing with it on my own, with the help of some wonderful friends who have let me vent to them. So, since I have "reasons" to be angry at the things that are going on why am I angry at myself? Did you notice that I put the word reasons in quotations? There is a method to my madness. lol
So I have reasons to be angry, so what! Does that give me the right to take that stress on everyone else? NO! Does that give me the right to complain and vent to my friends? NO! Does it give me the right to be self-centered? (Well, I have had a rough day so that is why I am grumpy.) NO! Just because I have a reason to have those feelings I do not have to have them. I could go to God. I could give those feelings to Him. I could, but I didn't, until just now.
UGH!!!! Now I am angry at myself for not going to God lie I should have in the first place. But if there is one thing I have learned over the years I have been alive, it is not to dwell on the has beens and could haves; not to dwell on what should have been done or where I went wrong. You cannot change the past.
So right now, this second I pray that God corrects my selfish dirty heart. No matter how people treat me or how many bad things happen to me and my family, I have no write to complain or be grumpy. God has given me life! LIFE!!!!! Life beyond this Earthly body. He has given me ETERNAL LIFE! all for FREE
God is good and I am sorry. :o( I know He forgives me for my actions and my lack of actions. He is always there to hold me tight and make me feel better.
So, I thank you God for holding me tight and comforting me. I thank you for providing a way, through the shed blood of Jesus Christ, for me to spend eternity with you. I love you because you first loved me.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
wishing
Right now I am wishing my heart away. There are so many things that I wish were better then they are. Family, schooling, health, life. Ok, so that is really vague. lol I know. I'll try to be a bit more specific.
I wish:
I knew what was going on with Grandpa Mark.
I knew how to motivate my kids to do chores without being badgered.
That the house would get clean on it's own.
That emotions wouldn't be swayed from one extreme to the other so quickly.
That family members would communicate civilly with each other and at least attempt to have some sort of relationship.
I could sit here and be held by my husband watching a sweet movie together.
Ok, so there is my pity party, all done now. lol
I know that there isn't anything I can do about someone's salvation as long as I have witnessed to them, lived my life as Christ would and keep that person in prayer. Their salvation is their responsibility.
I know that teens are inherently lazy, especially boys. They are also oblivious to seeing messes and things that need to be straightened up.
I know for a fact that the house does not clean itself up. There are no cleaning fairies that come out while we are all sleeping and clean the place from top to bottom. Cleaning is my job and do it I must sooner or later.
Emotions are like roller coasters. You never know when they will spin you in circles or plunge you into the dark. The only thing you can do is hold on tight and go for the ride. Wearing the seat belt (Jesus Christ) keeps you place so when things even out you are still sitting comfortably. During the ride though try to keep some order of control over them, as best you can and remember, they do not define you or the situation.
Again, I know that I can not control other people's actions. Just like salvation, other people are responsible for their own attitudes towards their family members. The only thing we can do is be true to who God has made us become. Act like Christ wants us to act and treat those family member's just as you would treat those who love you as much as you love them.
Tonight is Wednesday night so it's Bible Study night. I have to drive Jen and I to church and back again. So the movie will have to wait for another night.
What I know most of all is that Christ loves us so much that He gave His life, knowing full well the whole time, that he would be beaten beyond recognition, tortured by many people, mocked horribly, nailed to a piece of wood, hung up to die and then buried in a grave. He did all this also full well knowing that He didn't have to give his life up. He is God Almighty, He could wish people to bow to Him, he could kill those who won't instantaneously, he could have legions of angels come and take him off that cross and heal His every wound. He did not have to come to the Earth, this creation of His, just to give us a way to once again be with Him for eternity.
But He did.
He did all that because He loves me. He love you. He loves us. His love is so vast and so strong tat we can't even begin to understand it's complexity and it's depth. But it is at the same it is so simple a child can grasp it.
He died, willingly, put his life on the line, so that we may have an opportunity to be with Him for eternity. That I cannot even begin to say thank you for. No one can. The only thing we can do, all He wants us to do, is to live as he lived, full of love, compassion, understanding, and to be true. While doing all those things do not give into the world's view of how things should be. Be in the world but not part of the world.
So, that is my goal today, to be His light. I pray (very deeply pray) that I will be able to do just that.
I wish:
I knew what was going on with Grandpa Mark.
I knew how to motivate my kids to do chores without being badgered.
That the house would get clean on it's own.
That emotions wouldn't be swayed from one extreme to the other so quickly.
That family members would communicate civilly with each other and at least attempt to have some sort of relationship.
I could sit here and be held by my husband watching a sweet movie together.
Ok, so there is my pity party, all done now. lol
I know that there isn't anything I can do about someone's salvation as long as I have witnessed to them, lived my life as Christ would and keep that person in prayer. Their salvation is their responsibility.
I know that teens are inherently lazy, especially boys. They are also oblivious to seeing messes and things that need to be straightened up.
I know for a fact that the house does not clean itself up. There are no cleaning fairies that come out while we are all sleeping and clean the place from top to bottom. Cleaning is my job and do it I must sooner or later.
Emotions are like roller coasters. You never know when they will spin you in circles or plunge you into the dark. The only thing you can do is hold on tight and go for the ride. Wearing the seat belt (Jesus Christ) keeps you place so when things even out you are still sitting comfortably. During the ride though try to keep some order of control over them, as best you can and remember, they do not define you or the situation.
Again, I know that I can not control other people's actions. Just like salvation, other people are responsible for their own attitudes towards their family members. The only thing we can do is be true to who God has made us become. Act like Christ wants us to act and treat those family member's just as you would treat those who love you as much as you love them.
Tonight is Wednesday night so it's Bible Study night. I have to drive Jen and I to church and back again. So the movie will have to wait for another night.
What I know most of all is that Christ loves us so much that He gave His life, knowing full well the whole time, that he would be beaten beyond recognition, tortured by many people, mocked horribly, nailed to a piece of wood, hung up to die and then buried in a grave. He did all this also full well knowing that He didn't have to give his life up. He is God Almighty, He could wish people to bow to Him, he could kill those who won't instantaneously, he could have legions of angels come and take him off that cross and heal His every wound. He did not have to come to the Earth, this creation of His, just to give us a way to once again be with Him for eternity.
But He did.
He did all that because He loves me. He love you. He loves us. His love is so vast and so strong tat we can't even begin to understand it's complexity and it's depth. But it is at the same it is so simple a child can grasp it.
He died, willingly, put his life on the line, so that we may have an opportunity to be with Him for eternity. That I cannot even begin to say thank you for. No one can. The only thing we can do, all He wants us to do, is to live as he lived, full of love, compassion, understanding, and to be true. While doing all those things do not give into the world's view of how things should be. Be in the world but not part of the world.
So, that is my goal today, to be His light. I pray (very deeply pray) that I will be able to do just that.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
standing firm, getting filled
Today is a blah day. Today Adam woke up and then threw up. UGH!!!! So, I stay home. That is ok with me I guess because I still don't feel the greatest. I really wish I felt better.
Today, I received a terrific private message on my Facebook page that was very encouraging. It is helping me stand firm on my faith, not that I was not firm already, mind you. It's just that some days I feel lost. It's sort of like why am I here? or why continue to try to get people to see that there is a huge bus coming really fast getting ready to plow those who don't believe in Christ down when no one seems to listen anyway? Then, today I get this nice sweet encouraging message. It was very uplifting.... So you know how you are and I thank you very much.
Sickness has been going around in our house for sometime now. I wish that all the germies would just go away. I hate being sick. Being sick reminds me of just how frail our human bodies are, physically and spiritually. It's the spiritual part that is bothering me the most lately. I just wish people would wake up. I wish people would see that the human race sucks. I wish that people would see that only life with God can fill us. We have become such a hedonistic society. It is very discouraging.
Hedonism is a school of thought which argues that pleasure is the only intrinsic good according to wikipedia.com. A hedonist is a person whose life is devoted to the pursuit of pleasure and self-gratification.
Well, that just about describes most of the people I know, even the Christian ones. Even myself at times. I find it sad that in our culture, in the US, people strive to have a better life by acquiring more stuff hoping it will fulfill in them the desires that they have. After all is said and done there is still this empty hole inside of us yearning to be filled. Nothing we do, or buy, or say, or get is able to fill that hole. Only one thing and one thing only ca fill that void, that hole, that abyss.
I know you are all thinking oh here we go again but it is so true!!! I have lived 36 years on this Earth. 7 of those years were in pain and fear, living with my biological parents being beaten and abused more way then you can imagine. 14 years I was in a foster home with a loving Christian family. 16 years (almost 17) have been with my wonderful husband. In all that time I have searched for a way to fill that void. Some days that void is full to the brim, other days it feels as though it will never be full. On the days that I feel it full to the brim are the days that I trust in the Lord, days that I relinquish my own desires and make His desires mine. On the days that it seems like it will never be full are the days that rely on my own strength and my own decision making. These days are the ones that I tend me be more depressed and more easily upset and moody. On the days that I am trusting in Him I feel a weight lifted off of me, at least to some degree.
You see, so for me it has held true, always has and always will, that trusting on the Lord, God Almighty, is not only holding my hand as I walk through life, he is carrying me when I can no longer stand.
Only God has been able to fill the void, that hole that abyss in my life. Only God ever can. I have learned that nothing I do will ever fill that void. I have learned that being hedonistic only digs that void deeper. I have done a lot of screwed up things in my life. I have seen others do messed up things in their life, too. Coming to the saving grace of our Lord Jesus is the only thing that can ever fill that void. I hve never found anything that comes close to His power and love.
I know I am babbling today. my mind is wandering a lot it seems. I pray you all have a terrifically blessed day and May you always rely in the salvation of our Lord and Saviour to help hold you strong and walking in His light. :o)
Today, I received a terrific private message on my Facebook page that was very encouraging. It is helping me stand firm on my faith, not that I was not firm already, mind you. It's just that some days I feel lost. It's sort of like why am I here? or why continue to try to get people to see that there is a huge bus coming really fast getting ready to plow those who don't believe in Christ down when no one seems to listen anyway? Then, today I get this nice sweet encouraging message. It was very uplifting.... So you know how you are and I thank you very much.
Sickness has been going around in our house for sometime now. I wish that all the germies would just go away. I hate being sick. Being sick reminds me of just how frail our human bodies are, physically and spiritually. It's the spiritual part that is bothering me the most lately. I just wish people would wake up. I wish people would see that the human race sucks. I wish that people would see that only life with God can fill us. We have become such a hedonistic society. It is very discouraging.
Hedonism is a school of thought which argues that pleasure is the only intrinsic good according to wikipedia.com. A hedonist is a person whose life is devoted to the pursuit of pleasure and self-gratification.
Well, that just about describes most of the people I know, even the Christian ones. Even myself at times. I find it sad that in our culture, in the US, people strive to have a better life by acquiring more stuff hoping it will fulfill in them the desires that they have. After all is said and done there is still this empty hole inside of us yearning to be filled. Nothing we do, or buy, or say, or get is able to fill that hole. Only one thing and one thing only ca fill that void, that hole, that abyss.
I know you are all thinking oh here we go again but it is so true!!! I have lived 36 years on this Earth. 7 of those years were in pain and fear, living with my biological parents being beaten and abused more way then you can imagine. 14 years I was in a foster home with a loving Christian family. 16 years (almost 17) have been with my wonderful husband. In all that time I have searched for a way to fill that void. Some days that void is full to the brim, other days it feels as though it will never be full. On the days that I feel it full to the brim are the days that I trust in the Lord, days that I relinquish my own desires and make His desires mine. On the days that it seems like it will never be full are the days that rely on my own strength and my own decision making. These days are the ones that I tend me be more depressed and more easily upset and moody. On the days that I am trusting in Him I feel a weight lifted off of me, at least to some degree.
You see, so for me it has held true, always has and always will, that trusting on the Lord, God Almighty, is not only holding my hand as I walk through life, he is carrying me when I can no longer stand.
Only God has been able to fill the void, that hole that abyss in my life. Only God ever can. I have learned that nothing I do will ever fill that void. I have learned that being hedonistic only digs that void deeper. I have done a lot of screwed up things in my life. I have seen others do messed up things in their life, too. Coming to the saving grace of our Lord Jesus is the only thing that can ever fill that void. I hve never found anything that comes close to His power and love.
I know I am babbling today. my mind is wandering a lot it seems. I pray you all have a terrifically blessed day and May you always rely in the salvation of our Lord and Saviour to help hold you strong and walking in His light. :o)
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Mike is sick, I am sick, Adam is sick - Daniel not so much.
Today is an unusual day. Mike is home from work, sick. Yup, I said it. The man who NEVER EVER calls into work sick called in this morning.
No, he does not have a runny nose, a cough or a stomach ache. He is dizzy still. He said he feels a bit like he is drunk. lol Now anyone who knows Mike knows he doesn't drink hardly and when he does he is a "lightweight" as the saying goes. It takes very little alcohol to make him feel buzzed. (Not that it takes a lot of alcohol to make me feel buzzed though, In fact I drink less then he does and I can't even finish one wine cooler!)
Today Mike is still in bed. He is never in bed this late! Well, I can't say never because he is in bed right now so saying never wouldn't be accurate. lol
I find it funny in a weird sort of way as to how our bodies react to situations. We can make ourselves more comfortable just by thinking of happy thoughts and relaxing places. We can make ourselves sick by worrying and/or being anxious. Our body can break out in hives from being nervous. God's creation can be ruled by emotions. If we let it, that is.
I know sometimes, it is hard to avoid the way our body reacts to situations. If we try I think we can change, even if it is ever so slightly, the natural bodily reactions to some situations. I am not sure how though. I'm sure there has to be a way though. God didn't make us defective or imperfect. He made us in His image, He is perfect. In His image, is a reflection of Him, perfection.
I found a site this mornign that talks about how you can help common ailments through food. I am going to see if it helps Mike today. I'll let you know. Right now I have to say good bye and go take care of my family.
Talk to you again soon I hope.
No, he does not have a runny nose, a cough or a stomach ache. He is dizzy still. He said he feels a bit like he is drunk. lol Now anyone who knows Mike knows he doesn't drink hardly and when he does he is a "lightweight" as the saying goes. It takes very little alcohol to make him feel buzzed. (Not that it takes a lot of alcohol to make me feel buzzed though, In fact I drink less then he does and I can't even finish one wine cooler!)
Today Mike is still in bed. He is never in bed this late! Well, I can't say never because he is in bed right now so saying never wouldn't be accurate. lol
I find it funny in a weird sort of way as to how our bodies react to situations. We can make ourselves more comfortable just by thinking of happy thoughts and relaxing places. We can make ourselves sick by worrying and/or being anxious. Our body can break out in hives from being nervous. God's creation can be ruled by emotions. If we let it, that is.
I know sometimes, it is hard to avoid the way our body reacts to situations. If we try I think we can change, even if it is ever so slightly, the natural bodily reactions to some situations. I am not sure how though. I'm sure there has to be a way though. God didn't make us defective or imperfect. He made us in His image, He is perfect. In His image, is a reflection of Him, perfection.
I found a site this mornign that talks about how you can help common ailments through food. I am going to see if it helps Mike today. I'll let you know. Right now I have to say good bye and go take care of my family.
Talk to you again soon I hope.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
worried sick
Literally.
Have you ever worried so much that it physically maked you sick? Well, that is what is happening here. I am actually sick, so is Adam. Ok so we are not horribly sick but mildly so, with actual viruses or germs of some sort. We have been for a bit now. I have a mild sore throat and a very mildly sore ear. Adam has the tail end of a cold. Daniel seems to be feeling just fine. Mike however, was perfectly fine until he heard news of his grandfather being admitted to the hospital agian. His grandfather is 93 and unsaved.
You see, it is totally human and normal to worry about those we love. When things are beyond our control we tend to worry about the outcome. For Mike though, he is not normal. lol I mean that in the nicest, most loving way possible, just to inform you. My husband is an Aspie, meaning he has Asperger's Syndrome. He is mildly affected but still has a lot of issues with handling and experiencing emotions. We have been married for 16 years now and he has only cried one time since I met him 18 years ago. He usually closes off any emotions he might have because he doesn't understand them and then make him feel uncomfortable. (Aspies tend to do that.) he is terrific (not in a good way) at compartmentalizing his feelings and explaining, logically, why he shouldn't and doesn't feel a certain way. He is very logical and it bugs me sometimes! lol
Ok, so what does Mike being an Aspie have to do with getting sick? Well, let me tell you that the mind is a confusing thing. One can actually make themselves sick with worry and anxiety. Mike wasn't sick before hearing the news of his grandfather's condition, which I will tell you later in this post. He only started feeling off AFTER I told him the news, then even worse when he couldn't meet up with his mom at the hospital this evening. All night he has felt "off" he says, sort of dizzy but not exactly, not actually "sick" but certainly not well either.
What do I mean by being sick? Well his stomach is off and he has little appetite. He feels a bit might headed and slightly dizzy. By the time he went to bed (about a half hour ago) he was feeling worse then he did when he arrived home. I know most of you probably think I am blowing things out of proportion and seeing things that are not there. I am not. I know my husband. This has happened many times before. Some might say it it can be easily rectified by giving it to God and I would totally agree with you. It is a very hard thing to do. It is. I know. Mike's anxiety, and feeling out of control makes his anxieties worse, has made his feel off more times then I can count. Usually it only lasts a short while, a day or two. I pray that is the case this time.
Anyhow, Mike's grandfather, Mark, was having chest pains all last week and the doctor did some tests on his heart. His medicine was adjusted on Friday and he was sent home. Then earlier today he started having really bad chest pains again. He called 911 and was taken to the ER where he was found to have had a heart attack. During an angioplasty surgery 2 small blockages were found in an area that cannot be reached and his stint, which was placed two years ago, had collapsed. They reopened the stint. After surgery he was experiencing even more pain and the doctor's were worried. Mark went in for a second surgery where more work was done on his heart. He is now recovering slowly in the hospital. His heart is in bad condition as it is and his kidneys are barely working. The tests and the surgeries have made both those issues worse. The next 24 hours are critical for his health, and more so for his salvation.
This is where all the worry and feeling sick comes in. Mark is not saved. I love the man very much so. I have never really known my own grandfather and over the years I have gotten very close to Mike's grandfather, Mark. He is knowledgeable and smart. He is funny and enjoyable to talk to. He cares about those he loves very much. He wants to see nothing but the best for his family and friends. He is a self made man. He started his own business and did very well for himself over the years. His knowledge has helped him acquire a lot in this world, tangible things and not so tangible things. He feels he does not need salvation. He has been a good enough person. But oh how he is wrong!!!!!! Even the best person in the world is still a sinner. He will not listen to us about salvation and when God is brought up (as it usually is with us) he shuts down and changes the subject. He is a stubborn, old, catholic, Italian man who is very prideful but we do love him so.
None of us are perfect, especially me. I am not here to condemn the man just to point out his refusal for salvation. This is what is making Mike sick. He is worried more about Mark's salvation and eternal resting place, then he is about whether or not Mark makes it through this ordeal alive.
My husband has a huge heart. He is caring, loving and attentive. He just doesn't always know how to show it but it's there. I wish I could make him feel better. I wish I could take this worry away from him. I wish, I pray Mark would get saved. To see him know the Lord like we do, better then us, would be the most wonderful thing we could experience right now.
Thank you for listening to my ramblings and my venting. I sit here teary eyed and quietly praying for hte soul of a man that I love very much. Pleae, if you think of it will you pray for him too? Thank you
Have you ever worried so much that it physically maked you sick? Well, that is what is happening here. I am actually sick, so is Adam. Ok so we are not horribly sick but mildly so, with actual viruses or germs of some sort. We have been for a bit now. I have a mild sore throat and a very mildly sore ear. Adam has the tail end of a cold. Daniel seems to be feeling just fine. Mike however, was perfectly fine until he heard news of his grandfather being admitted to the hospital agian. His grandfather is 93 and unsaved.
You see, it is totally human and normal to worry about those we love. When things are beyond our control we tend to worry about the outcome. For Mike though, he is not normal. lol I mean that in the nicest, most loving way possible, just to inform you. My husband is an Aspie, meaning he has Asperger's Syndrome. He is mildly affected but still has a lot of issues with handling and experiencing emotions. We have been married for 16 years now and he has only cried one time since I met him 18 years ago. He usually closes off any emotions he might have because he doesn't understand them and then make him feel uncomfortable. (Aspies tend to do that.) he is terrific (not in a good way) at compartmentalizing his feelings and explaining, logically, why he shouldn't and doesn't feel a certain way. He is very logical and it bugs me sometimes! lol
Ok, so what does Mike being an Aspie have to do with getting sick? Well, let me tell you that the mind is a confusing thing. One can actually make themselves sick with worry and anxiety. Mike wasn't sick before hearing the news of his grandfather's condition, which I will tell you later in this post. He only started feeling off AFTER I told him the news, then even worse when he couldn't meet up with his mom at the hospital this evening. All night he has felt "off" he says, sort of dizzy but not exactly, not actually "sick" but certainly not well either.
What do I mean by being sick? Well his stomach is off and he has little appetite. He feels a bit might headed and slightly dizzy. By the time he went to bed (about a half hour ago) he was feeling worse then he did when he arrived home. I know most of you probably think I am blowing things out of proportion and seeing things that are not there. I am not. I know my husband. This has happened many times before. Some might say it it can be easily rectified by giving it to God and I would totally agree with you. It is a very hard thing to do. It is. I know. Mike's anxiety, and feeling out of control makes his anxieties worse, has made his feel off more times then I can count. Usually it only lasts a short while, a day or two. I pray that is the case this time.
Anyhow, Mike's grandfather, Mark, was having chest pains all last week and the doctor did some tests on his heart. His medicine was adjusted on Friday and he was sent home. Then earlier today he started having really bad chest pains again. He called 911 and was taken to the ER where he was found to have had a heart attack. During an angioplasty surgery 2 small blockages were found in an area that cannot be reached and his stint, which was placed two years ago, had collapsed. They reopened the stint. After surgery he was experiencing even more pain and the doctor's were worried. Mark went in for a second surgery where more work was done on his heart. He is now recovering slowly in the hospital. His heart is in bad condition as it is and his kidneys are barely working. The tests and the surgeries have made both those issues worse. The next 24 hours are critical for his health, and more so for his salvation.
This is where all the worry and feeling sick comes in. Mark is not saved. I love the man very much so. I have never really known my own grandfather and over the years I have gotten very close to Mike's grandfather, Mark. He is knowledgeable and smart. He is funny and enjoyable to talk to. He cares about those he loves very much. He wants to see nothing but the best for his family and friends. He is a self made man. He started his own business and did very well for himself over the years. His knowledge has helped him acquire a lot in this world, tangible things and not so tangible things. He feels he does not need salvation. He has been a good enough person. But oh how he is wrong!!!!!! Even the best person in the world is still a sinner. He will not listen to us about salvation and when God is brought up (as it usually is with us) he shuts down and changes the subject. He is a stubborn, old, catholic, Italian man who is very prideful but we do love him so.
None of us are perfect, especially me. I am not here to condemn the man just to point out his refusal for salvation. This is what is making Mike sick. He is worried more about Mark's salvation and eternal resting place, then he is about whether or not Mark makes it through this ordeal alive.
My husband has a huge heart. He is caring, loving and attentive. He just doesn't always know how to show it but it's there. I wish I could make him feel better. I wish I could take this worry away from him. I wish, I pray Mark would get saved. To see him know the Lord like we do, better then us, would be the most wonderful thing we could experience right now.
Thank you for listening to my ramblings and my venting. I sit here teary eyed and quietly praying for hte soul of a man that I love very much. Pleae, if you think of it will you pray for him too? Thank you
Life is pretty good here.
Written a few days ago.
Mike and the kids are watching Animaniacs, I am sitting near them playing on the computer. Dinner was yummy and everyone ate it all up. That is a good thing! lol
So today I had planned to get all this stuff done you know? I don't even know why I get my hopes up. I end up being way to tired to do anything.... When I do some things it is never the stuff I had planned. It's always normal household chores. lol You know some days I certainly feel like a maid, teacher, nanny and cook for that seems to be all I can manage to get done. lol
So what things would I like to do? Well, First of all I want to make cookies. and bread, and banana bread..... mmmmmmmm Then I wanted to soak in a tub for a while. (NOT! what was I thinking? soaking? that is a laugh!)
Then I had not actually hoped for this today but I would have been over joyed if I had time for it. I want to scrapbook again. I miss it a lot.
I have been trying to take time to do somethings that I haven't seemed to have time to do in the past. I am making the time now. I have put my foot down (so to speak) and decided I was going to read the whole Bible straight through in a year. I have also decided that I have to go through all the pictures I have on the computer and organize them so I can actually find the ones I need when I want them. Seeing as how I have over 19,000 pictures I knwo that will take A LOT of work. but it does need to get done. lol I sure do have my work cut out for me don't I? You know I think I am addicted to using my camera. lol I know there will be a lot of pictures I can delete once I start going through them. I mean I do not need the fuzzy, blurry ones nor do I need multiple copies of similar pictures. lol
What things do you do that keeps you so busy? What things would you like to do that you cannot seem to find the time to do? What takes precedence in your life?
I know that I am also trying to do a woman's books study with a few ladies from church, read the Bible in a year and do daily devotions. I need to be more diligent to get through these everyday. I tend to be a bit lazy when it comes to these things. I pray God gives me strength, energy and desire to do His will each day. I pray you do also.
Mike and the kids are watching Animaniacs, I am sitting near them playing on the computer. Dinner was yummy and everyone ate it all up. That is a good thing! lol
So today I had planned to get all this stuff done you know? I don't even know why I get my hopes up. I end up being way to tired to do anything.... When I do some things it is never the stuff I had planned. It's always normal household chores. lol You know some days I certainly feel like a maid, teacher, nanny and cook for that seems to be all I can manage to get done. lol
So what things would I like to do? Well, First of all I want to make cookies. and bread, and banana bread..... mmmmmmmm Then I wanted to soak in a tub for a while. (NOT! what was I thinking? soaking? that is a laugh!)
Then I had not actually hoped for this today but I would have been over joyed if I had time for it. I want to scrapbook again. I miss it a lot.
I have been trying to take time to do somethings that I haven't seemed to have time to do in the past. I am making the time now. I have put my foot down (so to speak) and decided I was going to read the whole Bible straight through in a year. I have also decided that I have to go through all the pictures I have on the computer and organize them so I can actually find the ones I need when I want them. Seeing as how I have over 19,000 pictures I knwo that will take A LOT of work. but it does need to get done. lol I sure do have my work cut out for me don't I? You know I think I am addicted to using my camera. lol I know there will be a lot of pictures I can delete once I start going through them. I mean I do not need the fuzzy, blurry ones nor do I need multiple copies of similar pictures. lol
What things do you do that keeps you so busy? What things would you like to do that you cannot seem to find the time to do? What takes precedence in your life?
I know that I am also trying to do a woman's books study with a few ladies from church, read the Bible in a year and do daily devotions. I need to be more diligent to get through these everyday. I tend to be a bit lazy when it comes to these things. I pray God gives me strength, energy and desire to do His will each day. I pray you do also.
a few things to blog about today
Ok, so I have wanted to blog about a few things lately but have not really had the time. when I did have a few minutes the computer was way to slow so I gave up on it. So, since I had thoughts I wanted to get out of my head I decided to type them up in MS Word. I have copied them below.
When I think like this, what makes me so sure I am right? I am human. Does that make it right? No it certainly does not. But our minds like to convince us we are. Our flesh is something we are always fighting against. The only way to win that war (and it really is a war) is to constantly give our minds, bodies and souls to God. If we start the day out right, with the Word of God and a conversation with Hm then we set ourselves up for a more peaceful day. By doing those two things we are covering ourselves up with the armor of God and it will protect us from our flesh, from Satan’s attacks and from anything that tries to pull us from Him. So the next time I start back talking to God I need to remember this. I hope that I do.
well, I think that is all for today. I will try to write more tonight before bed.
~~~ Keep your eyes on Jesus and you will not stumble on the path. ~~~
Hedonism
Man is very hedonistic. Two week’s ago, church service focused on just that. People like to focus on what makes them happy, that is not so bad right? I’m mean if it feels good then it has to be good for you right? Well, turns out that is not the correct way to think. Who woulda thunk? Lol Well, I liked the service quite a lot. It not only made me think of people whom I know that are like that but it made me stop and think about I can be hedonistic in my life.
So what is hedonistic? Well simply put, according to Wikipedia.com it is a school of thought, which argues that pleasure, is the only intrinsic good. Basically being hedonistic says that you are only here for what pleasure you can gain out of life.
Recently my youngest has gotten into the attitude that people should do things as he wishes them to be done. My youngest also seems to think that when he is getting punished he can justify his way out of it by explaining himself to me. I hate that. Lol So I am always having to explain to him that his behavior is not acceptable and justifying it will only get him into more trouble. I think slowly, he is getting the point.
You ever feel like sometimes God has to do that to us? I certainly do. Now, I would love to sit here and say that my life is perfect and that I can show you all how to be perfect too but that is so not true!
It’s times like this that I stop and think ok how am I being self-centered, cause that is what hedonistic stems from. Me Me Me…. It’s all about what I can get, what is enjoyable for ME. There are times when I think that way, and then there are times when I do not think that way. Thankfully those times I do not think that way are a lot more often. When I do think that way I just have to stop and ask God to help me think correctly. Bratty kids
You know how your kids can get these attitudes and say smart alec remarks and such? When I tell my kids to do something that they do not think does not need to get done or doesn’t need to get done right then; they get snippy and rude to me, especially my oldest. This grates on me terribly and I discipline for it each time.
Do we ever think about how we react to God when he asks us to something we don’t want to do? We do the same thing, maybe not verbally though but in our minds. I know I do. I think I know it all some days, just like my kids seem to think at times. I think I know what God wants me to do but I really do not. I think I know what is best for me, but again, I really do not.
well, I think that is all for today. I will try to write more tonight before bed.
~~~ Keep your eyes on Jesus and you will not stumble on the path. ~~~
Saturday, February 19, 2011
plans change - expect it
Ok , so pride goes before destruction. UGH!!! Why are people so easily swayed by emotions?
WHAT? your probably thinking. lol Ok, so I will start from the beginning.
A while ago a situation came up where one of my friends was affected and upset about something another person was doing towards her. Seeing as how my friend and her family are closer to me then practically anyone else besides Mike, I also took this issue to heart. I began to get upset about the situation in defense of my friend. Well, the other party involved took major offense to it and started getting quite irate with me. Due to this whole situation my whole day was off which affected my husband and children. The next day, being Sunday, we all went to church. I was pretty annoyed still, which was ruining my time in service. anyhow, during service God and I had a talk. I realized that
1 - this situation wasn't really my business
2- that not only was this other person being very prideful, but so was I
3 - keeping my anger under control takes a lot more energy then I thought
and most importantly,
4 - I wasn't giving the situation to God. I was taking care of it and not doing a very good job at it in the process.
After service this other party came up to me and we chatted, the whole issue the day before was apologized for and forgiven. Since then it has not affected our friendship in the least.
So, what does this all have to do with plans changing......... ?
Well, I went to prayer that Saturday I had not idea what would happen, I had not even planned on staying as long as I did. Then on Sunday, I was still upset and not giving it to God. During service I finally gave the issue to Christ and instantly felt better, calmer and more forgiving. Then the person whom I was upset at came to me and straightened things out. I ended up having a wonderfully blessed day.
Plans change again leaving me emotionally spent. Later that day, we went to the Rochester Science and Museum Center. It was great but the exhibit was one we saw before. I had thought it would be a new exhibit. So I was a bit disappointed. After that we went to go to Chuck E Cheese with the kids. Now, I really like Chuck E Cheese. I know it's a kids' place but I like it mostly because whenever we have gone the kids have loved it. We always use a coupon so it doesn't cost us a ton of money. Besides I think their pizza is yummy. lol It was mobbed though!!!! Busier then I had ever seen it. We could not find a seat anywhere and the kids would have been overwhelmed by the amount of chaos all those patrons created. So, we left. We came home. I think that day everyone was a bit disappointed in the events. Being disappointed all afternoon, and tired from the emotional ups and downs, I wanted to cry. But I didn't. We just went home.
On Friday we had an unexpected appointment and afterward needed to kill a couple of hours before the Music Jam (rather then travel 30 miles to home and then back 20 miles 2 1/2 hours back to church - what a waste of gas!) So we decided to try Chuck E Cheese again. This time it was peaceful and calm with only a few kids; as it was only mid afternoon. We had a wonderful time! I even played more games with the kids then I usually do.
So you see all around our plans changed, but it actually turned out beneficial in the long run. What started off as annoying changes ended up, after giving the situation to God, being very enjoyable after all.
So in life I have to expect changes as they will happen whether I like it or not. If I fight the changes that only makes me miserable. If I go with the flow God holds my hand and guides me. I am learning to expect, and be ok with, change.
WHAT? your probably thinking. lol Ok, so I will start from the beginning.
A while ago a situation came up where one of my friends was affected and upset about something another person was doing towards her. Seeing as how my friend and her family are closer to me then practically anyone else besides Mike, I also took this issue to heart. I began to get upset about the situation in defense of my friend. Well, the other party involved took major offense to it and started getting quite irate with me. Due to this whole situation my whole day was off which affected my husband and children. The next day, being Sunday, we all went to church. I was pretty annoyed still, which was ruining my time in service. anyhow, during service God and I had a talk. I realized that
1 - this situation wasn't really my business
2- that not only was this other person being very prideful, but so was I
3 - keeping my anger under control takes a lot more energy then I thought
and most importantly,
4 - I wasn't giving the situation to God. I was taking care of it and not doing a very good job at it in the process.
After service this other party came up to me and we chatted, the whole issue the day before was apologized for and forgiven. Since then it has not affected our friendship in the least.
So, what does this all have to do with plans changing......... ?
Well, I went to prayer that Saturday I had not idea what would happen, I had not even planned on staying as long as I did. Then on Sunday, I was still upset and not giving it to God. During service I finally gave the issue to Christ and instantly felt better, calmer and more forgiving. Then the person whom I was upset at came to me and straightened things out. I ended up having a wonderfully blessed day.
Plans change again leaving me emotionally spent. Later that day, we went to the Rochester Science and Museum Center. It was great but the exhibit was one we saw before. I had thought it would be a new exhibit. So I was a bit disappointed. After that we went to go to Chuck E Cheese with the kids. Now, I really like Chuck E Cheese. I know it's a kids' place but I like it mostly because whenever we have gone the kids have loved it. We always use a coupon so it doesn't cost us a ton of money. Besides I think their pizza is yummy. lol It was mobbed though!!!! Busier then I had ever seen it. We could not find a seat anywhere and the kids would have been overwhelmed by the amount of chaos all those patrons created. So, we left. We came home. I think that day everyone was a bit disappointed in the events. Being disappointed all afternoon, and tired from the emotional ups and downs, I wanted to cry. But I didn't. We just went home.
On Friday we had an unexpected appointment and afterward needed to kill a couple of hours before the Music Jam (rather then travel 30 miles to home and then back 20 miles 2 1/2 hours back to church - what a waste of gas!) So we decided to try Chuck E Cheese again. This time it was peaceful and calm with only a few kids; as it was only mid afternoon. We had a wonderful time! I even played more games with the kids then I usually do.
So you see all around our plans changed, but it actually turned out beneficial in the long run. What started off as annoying changes ended up, after giving the situation to God, being very enjoyable after all.
So in life I have to expect changes as they will happen whether I like it or not. If I fight the changes that only makes me miserable. If I go with the flow God holds my hand and guides me. I am learning to expect, and be ok with, change.
Friday, February 18, 2011
What to write
I have so wanted to write for quite a while now but I either do not have the time or am too tired and end up going to bed. so today, before either of those happen I thought I would write for a bit.
I have had a few people tell me that I should blog about certain topics, including but not limited to; the problems I feel that are wrong with Christmas, (and any holiday for that matter), living with two aspies, the need for church, why worship is so important and more. I thought since I have the time today I would try to cover as much of these topics as I can.
First of all, Christmas is a big sore spot with me. Don't get me wrong, I love the holiday itself. We actually do celebrate it like most people; with a tree, stockings and presents. However, the Santa thing irks me so much!
We have never told our kids that Santa Claus was real. As for the tooth fairy, the sandman, the Easter bunny, ghosts, goblins, mother nature, and all those other fictional characters, we have told our children they are not true and why the world likes to keep kids thinking they are. These characters are fictional, that means false!!! NOT TRUE! Not only are you lying to your children when you "play along" with imagining they are real but you are risking them not believing you when you say Christ is real. That is not a risk I will take.
(Exclaimer: This is only my opinion based on facts from the Holy Scriptures, specifically written by God Almighty himself. I am sorry if this offends but I will not say I'm sorry for saying the truth.)
I hate the commercialism that the holidays (ok, most holidays) brings out in us as humans. I'm not even going off of the REAL reason why we use the Christmas tree (to worship a "god"), decorate it (a Yuletide celebrations and celebration of the return of the sun), why stockings are hung by the chimney (St. Nicholas putting money in them) or why we exchange presents (to celebrate Saturnalia). **Now, I do not claim to know everything about the origins so if I am factually wrong, forgive me and feel free to correct me.** What I am bothered by most of all though is that the holiday is no longer looked at as a sacred holiday set aside to worship God and remember Jesus' birth here on Earth, but rather a way to suck money out of people. Now, we do celebrate Christmas with the tree, stockings and gifts, as I have said. If I am bugged so badly by the commercialism you would think I would not even partake in it. As a family we take time to remember the reason we are celebrating the holiday, the birth of Christ. We do things that specifically to remind the kids of that fact. On Christmas Eve we have a birthday party for Jesus and talk about how His birth has affected us and what it means to the world. Christmas morning starts out with prayer and breakfast. Then one of the kids gets to hand out each present to the person who bought it. Then we take turns passing each gift to the person it was bought for and waiting for them to open it before we go the next gift to be opened. We do not want to take away from our children nor ourselves the joy of celebrating Christmas but we insist that all the celebration revolve around Jesus. :) He is our rock, our fortress, and our Saviour.
Living with Aspies: WOW! What can I say? It is always an adventure. I love my husband and my oldest son so much but they sure can drive me crazy! lmbo!!! My little son, not so little anymore since he is now 13, has Moebius and anxieties but he is NO aspie that is for sure! lol Adam and Mike are so much alike it is really creepy at times. They both get obsessed with things. Right now Mike is working on yet another project. Adam is focused on Legos and making military crafts out of them. Adam has really gotten into reading Garfield each night and through out the day. At least he is actually reading so I am happy. Mike, he reads Scriptures and comics. lol not much else for enjoyment though.
living with Aspies keeps my grounded. It keeps me focused on the needs of my family and not my desires. You see, I am a social person. I could hang out with my friends, go out to places, parties, and other social places. Those types of places make Mike and Adam get flustered. I have gotten more sensitive to being over stimulated because I have had to be distances myself (along with the whole family) from it for so many years due to Mike and Adam's Asperger's (AS) and Daniel's shyness and anxieties. But it's not my nature to be anti-social. I love people, I love being around people, I love being a helpful person to anyone I come across. I love having people to my place to hang out or to have dinner with us. My kids friends all know that they are always welcome at our house for any reason. I love having the commotion around me and feeling like I am part of it. BUT I have gotten so used to not living that lifestyle that sometimes I get overwhelmed from it now. I hate that part of me! lol What I do love is that Mike and Adam's AS makes them lovable and unique. Yes, there are days when I want to kill one or both of them. They do not always know when to stop joking and that gets me upset. They don't always (ok rarely do they) know how to handle emotions, or to be comforting when I (or Daniel) gets upset. If it is us being upset at them they feel attacked and automatically go into self preservation mode. This makes them focus on their selves much more so, sometimes excluding any results of their rude or inappropriate behavior.
Although it does sound like am (or may be) leaning towards not liking them around me, nothing can be further from the truth. Sure we all have our own problems, AS or not. We all have "our crosses to bear" as the saying goes. Both Mike and Adam get frustrated with their lack of proper response to stimulation, lack of emotional control and being different then theirs.
Church, worship, gathering of the brethren - The funny thing about going to church each Sunday and Bible studies, worship jams, and other Church events you can feel the love that God is pouring out on our family. Some people can't even get to a church due to lack of transportation, driving to work, being around other like minded people.
Church is for learning the Word. yes I will give you that one. But it is so much more then that. God wants us to make a joyful noise unto Him. He wants to us to edify and uplift each other in his name. He wants our praise and adulation; not because he is a egotistical God but because hearing how His creation loves Him and wants to have a relationship with him is music to His ears! So, in your rising up and in your laying down, in your sleep filled eyes and when you are wide awake. Worship time is how we interact with the one true God. It's what makes God our closest friend. We interact with Him as if he was truly a person. worship is our way to spend time hanging out with God. Me, well, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Worship Christ is a wonderful feeling. :)
Scripture are our instruction book for our life. Babies do come with instruction book but most people have no idea what goes on around. the scenes that keep Petco up and running so well.If we take the time to actually listen and heed it's instructions I'm sure you will have a wonderful life.
Ok, so this is longer then I anticipated and I am now falling asleep at the computer. I had better get to sleep. I know that this post is long and I still didn't cover all that I wanted to know. I will try to add more things to it when I am more awake. sleep tight and sweet dreams everyone.
I have had a few people tell me that I should blog about certain topics, including but not limited to; the problems I feel that are wrong with Christmas, (and any holiday for that matter), living with two aspies, the need for church, why worship is so important and more. I thought since I have the time today I would try to cover as much of these topics as I can.
First of all, Christmas is a big sore spot with me. Don't get me wrong, I love the holiday itself. We actually do celebrate it like most people; with a tree, stockings and presents. However, the Santa thing irks me so much!
We have never told our kids that Santa Claus was real. As for the tooth fairy, the sandman, the Easter bunny, ghosts, goblins, mother nature, and all those other fictional characters, we have told our children they are not true and why the world likes to keep kids thinking they are. These characters are fictional, that means false!!! NOT TRUE! Not only are you lying to your children when you "play along" with imagining they are real but you are risking them not believing you when you say Christ is real. That is not a risk I will take.
(Exclaimer: This is only my opinion based on facts from the Holy Scriptures, specifically written by God Almighty himself. I am sorry if this offends but I will not say I'm sorry for saying the truth.)
I hate the commercialism that the holidays (ok, most holidays) brings out in us as humans. I'm not even going off of the REAL reason why we use the Christmas tree (to worship a "god"), decorate it (a Yuletide celebrations and celebration of the return of the sun), why stockings are hung by the chimney (St. Nicholas putting money in them) or why we exchange presents (to celebrate Saturnalia). **Now, I do not claim to know everything about the origins so if I am factually wrong, forgive me and feel free to correct me.** What I am bothered by most of all though is that the holiday is no longer looked at as a sacred holiday set aside to worship God and remember Jesus' birth here on Earth, but rather a way to suck money out of people. Now, we do celebrate Christmas with the tree, stockings and gifts, as I have said. If I am bugged so badly by the commercialism you would think I would not even partake in it. As a family we take time to remember the reason we are celebrating the holiday, the birth of Christ. We do things that specifically to remind the kids of that fact. On Christmas Eve we have a birthday party for Jesus and talk about how His birth has affected us and what it means to the world. Christmas morning starts out with prayer and breakfast. Then one of the kids gets to hand out each present to the person who bought it. Then we take turns passing each gift to the person it was bought for and waiting for them to open it before we go the next gift to be opened. We do not want to take away from our children nor ourselves the joy of celebrating Christmas but we insist that all the celebration revolve around Jesus. :) He is our rock, our fortress, and our Saviour.
Living with Aspies: WOW! What can I say? It is always an adventure. I love my husband and my oldest son so much but they sure can drive me crazy! lmbo!!! My little son, not so little anymore since he is now 13, has Moebius and anxieties but he is NO aspie that is for sure! lol Adam and Mike are so much alike it is really creepy at times. They both get obsessed with things. Right now Mike is working on yet another project. Adam is focused on Legos and making military crafts out of them. Adam has really gotten into reading Garfield each night and through out the day. At least he is actually reading so I am happy. Mike, he reads Scriptures and comics. lol not much else for enjoyment though.
living with Aspies keeps my grounded. It keeps me focused on the needs of my family and not my desires. You see, I am a social person. I could hang out with my friends, go out to places, parties, and other social places. Those types of places make Mike and Adam get flustered. I have gotten more sensitive to being over stimulated because I have had to be distances myself (along with the whole family) from it for so many years due to Mike and Adam's Asperger's (AS) and Daniel's shyness and anxieties. But it's not my nature to be anti-social. I love people, I love being around people, I love being a helpful person to anyone I come across. I love having people to my place to hang out or to have dinner with us. My kids friends all know that they are always welcome at our house for any reason. I love having the commotion around me and feeling like I am part of it. BUT I have gotten so used to not living that lifestyle that sometimes I get overwhelmed from it now. I hate that part of me! lol What I do love is that Mike and Adam's AS makes them lovable and unique. Yes, there are days when I want to kill one or both of them. They do not always know when to stop joking and that gets me upset. They don't always (ok rarely do they) know how to handle emotions, or to be comforting when I (or Daniel) gets upset. If it is us being upset at them they feel attacked and automatically go into self preservation mode. This makes them focus on their selves much more so, sometimes excluding any results of their rude or inappropriate behavior.
Although it does sound like am (or may be) leaning towards not liking them around me, nothing can be further from the truth. Sure we all have our own problems, AS or not. We all have "our crosses to bear" as the saying goes. Both Mike and Adam get frustrated with their lack of proper response to stimulation, lack of emotional control and being different then theirs.
Church, worship, gathering of the brethren - The funny thing about going to church each Sunday and Bible studies, worship jams, and other Church events you can feel the love that God is pouring out on our family. Some people can't even get to a church due to lack of transportation, driving to work, being around other like minded people.
Church is for learning the Word. yes I will give you that one. But it is so much more then that. God wants us to make a joyful noise unto Him. He wants to us to edify and uplift each other in his name. He wants our praise and adulation; not because he is a egotistical God but because hearing how His creation loves Him and wants to have a relationship with him is music to His ears! So, in your rising up and in your laying down, in your sleep filled eyes and when you are wide awake. Worship time is how we interact with the one true God. It's what makes God our closest friend. We interact with Him as if he was truly a person. worship is our way to spend time hanging out with God. Me, well, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Worship Christ is a wonderful feeling. :)
Scripture are our instruction book for our life. Babies do come with instruction book but most people have no idea what goes on around. the scenes that keep Petco up and running so well.If we take the time to actually listen and heed it's instructions I'm sure you will have a wonderful life.
Ok, so this is longer then I anticipated and I am now falling asleep at the computer. I had better get to sleep. I know that this post is long and I still didn't cover all that I wanted to know. I will try to add more things to it when I am more awake. sleep tight and sweet dreams everyone.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
my stupid random thoughts
Ok, here are a few thoughts that are running circles in my mind.
1 - I love my pink hair!!!!!
2 - I wish this migraine would just go away.
3 - Bowling tomorrow!!!! woo hoo!!!
4 - Oh, I am so thankful Mark is helping us out! He is great!
5 - I am wondering what is so exciting about the zuu zuu pets? they are just weird.... lol
6 - I can't wait to learn more sign language! It's not only fun it's useful. When I lose my hearing (and I am already) I will already know how to communicate!
7 - I want my printer to print pictures up better
8 - wishing the TB book we have wouldn't take so long to boot up.
.
9 - disappointed in myself for slacking off with reading the bible everyday.
10 - love watching the mentalist, numbers, csi and big bang theory.
11 - What does God do up in Heaven all the time?
12 - What will Heaven be like? This thought brings joy and excitement to my heart!
13 - started two blog posts but haven't finished either one as I have no time to sit and work on them. Hopefully I will get both posted this weekend.
14. Praying for Amy. I do miss her and wish her well.
15 - loving my neighbors. Not only are they quiet, peaceful people, they are all very nice too!
16 - Why won't the migraine go away? I took medicine!!! UGH!!!
14 - loving my husband who is always there for me and takes care of me. He helps me out more then I could have ever wished for.
15 - hate taking medicines everyday but really love how they make me feel. I feel more like my old self now; playful, unique, loving, caring, energetic, and creative.
16 - I wish I could turn all the lights off in the house so my head would feel better but I can't. Mike likes light on and he would not be happy if I turned them all off. lol
17 - Flavored water is awesome!!!!
18 - being used by god has got to be the best feeling in the universe!
19 - wondering why God loves me (and you) so much that He died to save our souls. Why would the Creator of the universe do that for a creation when he can just destroy them all and kmake a new creation with all new created beings? I am in awe of thta!
20 - thinking that most of you readers will probably laugh at most of these posts and the absurdity of my posting a post like this. hehehehe
21 - lastly - am thankful for all my friends on the internet. It is a wonderful feeling to know that when I get online there are people there who actually understand where I am coming from and actually like me for me. So if you are reading this stupid post, thank you for caring enough to take the time to read it!!!
1 - I love my pink hair!!!!!
2 - I wish this migraine would just go away.
3 - Bowling tomorrow!!!! woo hoo!!!
4 - Oh, I am so thankful Mark is helping us out! He is great!
5 - I am wondering what is so exciting about the zuu zuu pets? they are just weird.... lol
6 - I can't wait to learn more sign language! It's not only fun it's useful. When I lose my hearing (and I am already) I will already know how to communicate!
7 - I want my printer to print pictures up better
8 - wishing the TB book we have wouldn't take so long to boot up.
.
9 - disappointed in myself for slacking off with reading the bible everyday.
10 - love watching the mentalist, numbers, csi and big bang theory.
11 - What does God do up in Heaven all the time?
12 - What will Heaven be like? This thought brings joy and excitement to my heart!
13 - started two blog posts but haven't finished either one as I have no time to sit and work on them. Hopefully I will get both posted this weekend.
14. Praying for Amy. I do miss her and wish her well.
15 - loving my neighbors. Not only are they quiet, peaceful people, they are all very nice too!
16 - Why won't the migraine go away? I took medicine!!! UGH!!!
14 - loving my husband who is always there for me and takes care of me. He helps me out more then I could have ever wished for.
15 - hate taking medicines everyday but really love how they make me feel. I feel more like my old self now; playful, unique, loving, caring, energetic, and creative.
16 - I wish I could turn all the lights off in the house so my head would feel better but I can't. Mike likes light on and he would not be happy if I turned them all off. lol
17 - Flavored water is awesome!!!!
18 - being used by god has got to be the best feeling in the universe!
19 - wondering why God loves me (and you) so much that He died to save our souls. Why would the Creator of the universe do that for a creation when he can just destroy them all and kmake a new creation with all new created beings? I am in awe of thta!
20 - thinking that most of you readers will probably laugh at most of these posts and the absurdity of my posting a post like this. hehehehe
21 - lastly - am thankful for all my friends on the internet. It is a wonderful feeling to know that when I get online there are people there who actually understand where I am coming from and actually like me for me. So if you are reading this stupid post, thank you for caring enough to take the time to read it!!!
Remember that Gd loves you so much that He gave His ONLY son
so that He may die to save us and give us the opportunity to live with Him forever!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
feeling blessed
Today was a pretty good day. Ok, I think it turned out better then I thought it would. to me, at the end of the day, I think it was pretty awesome. boy this wek went by so fast it seems. We are now another week older then most of us care to admit.
But why do we hate to admit our real ages? This culture puts a lot of emphasis how one looks, talks and behaves. If you do not conformt o this world (and their way ofdoing htings) you will be missing out on a lot og blessings. Age doesn't matter really. Think of this saying "The day you start growing up is the day you start dieing. So, be like the little children, go before god with heart full on wonderful, love and repentiveness. :)
So do all that you can and do it for the Lord.
But why do we hate to admit our real ages? This culture puts a lot of emphasis how one looks, talks and behaves. If you do not conformt o this world (and their way ofdoing htings) you will be missing out on a lot og blessings. Age doesn't matter really. Think of this saying "The day you start growing up is the day you start dieing. So, be like the little children, go before god with heart full on wonderful, love and repentiveness. :)
So do all that you can and do it for the Lord.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
so I have been so crazily busy!
I wrote this on the 16th of January and then forgot to finish it. lol So here it is, better late then never, right?
Ok, so it has been quite a while.since I have blogged. I hate not being able to blog as much as I would like to. so many things here have gone on lately I'm surprised I still know which way is up! lmbo!!!
If it's not one thing it's another........
When it rains it pours.........
Running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.........
These sayings seem to fit how I feel lately. But with God all things are working well.
So, what has been going on? Well, Adam has had one health issue after another. First his blood glucose numbers were not normal. Then he got a bad kidney infection with no warning symptoms, and after that he started becoming dizzy a lot. His knees are always going out on him and swelling up when they do. Now his stomach is bothering him a lot. (Now his back hurts too.)
Daniel is doing about the same. His stomach aches a lot but that has been happening for years. Otherwise, he is ok. Me? Well, besides being tired and the firbo pain I am ok I guess. Nothing new to report so that is good news. :) Mike? Well, Mike is rarely sick and rarely complains of things bothering him so I guess he is ok too.
When I stop to think of how life is and how our physical bodies cause disruptions in our day to day life; whether it be by pain, depression, anxiety, or other health issues, I am reminded of how fragile we are. Although these bodies were not originally designed to break down and deteriorate, sin has caused that to happen. So it goes to reason that there would be so many health issues plaguing humans. The way we eat and the way we take care of our bodies doesn't help matters either.
I am not a health food nut. I am not even really observant enough, most of the time, to watch my diet well. I eat when I get hungry and sometimes when I am bored. So I should not be surprised that I am overweight. I could easily stand to loose 30 lbs; even 50 wouldn't be unreasonable. My problem is that I lack willpower and control. No, that is wrong, I do not lack it, I chose not to use it. That is more accurate. Why would I choose not to use will power and self control if I know it is the best thing for me? Well, temptation is an easy trap. It is self gratifying and momentarily enjoyable.
It leads us sweetly by the hand into areas that are (so it seems) filled with glorious things that make us feel good about ourselves, at least for the moment. If you have ever indulged in a piece of wonderfully delicious cake or a bowl of yummy ice cream you knwo what I am saying. Just like the harlot that tempted the simple man that was not watchful sin tempts us. (See Proverbs chapter 7) We need to stay watchful and be mindful of the way our life is going.
I need to be watchful and mindful of my life; what I eat, when I eat, when (and if) I exercise, and so forth. By being spiritually mindful and watchful we take care of our heart and our relationship with Christ. Being physically watchful and mindful of the things we do we take care of the temple of God.
I guess I am writing this tonight more for me then for you. I need to take my own advice. I WILL eat better and I WILL exercise. I WILL be watchful and mindful so that my life - the one I am using as an ambassador for Christ may bring him glory. :o)
I pray you also chose to live this way too.
Ok, so it has been quite a while.since I have blogged. I hate not being able to blog as much as I would like to. so many things here have gone on lately I'm surprised I still know which way is up! lmbo!!!
If it's not one thing it's another........
When it rains it pours.........
Running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.........
These sayings seem to fit how I feel lately. But with God all things are working well.
So, what has been going on? Well, Adam has had one health issue after another. First his blood glucose numbers were not normal. Then he got a bad kidney infection with no warning symptoms, and after that he started becoming dizzy a lot. His knees are always going out on him and swelling up when they do. Now his stomach is bothering him a lot. (Now his back hurts too.)
Daniel is doing about the same. His stomach aches a lot but that has been happening for years. Otherwise, he is ok. Me? Well, besides being tired and the firbo pain I am ok I guess. Nothing new to report so that is good news. :) Mike? Well, Mike is rarely sick and rarely complains of things bothering him so I guess he is ok too.
When I stop to think of how life is and how our physical bodies cause disruptions in our day to day life; whether it be by pain, depression, anxiety, or other health issues, I am reminded of how fragile we are. Although these bodies were not originally designed to break down and deteriorate, sin has caused that to happen. So it goes to reason that there would be so many health issues plaguing humans. The way we eat and the way we take care of our bodies doesn't help matters either.
I am not a health food nut. I am not even really observant enough, most of the time, to watch my diet well. I eat when I get hungry and sometimes when I am bored. So I should not be surprised that I am overweight. I could easily stand to loose 30 lbs; even 50 wouldn't be unreasonable. My problem is that I lack willpower and control. No, that is wrong, I do not lack it, I chose not to use it. That is more accurate. Why would I choose not to use will power and self control if I know it is the best thing for me? Well, temptation is an easy trap. It is self gratifying and momentarily enjoyable.
It leads us sweetly by the hand into areas that are (so it seems) filled with glorious things that make us feel good about ourselves, at least for the moment. If you have ever indulged in a piece of wonderfully delicious cake or a bowl of yummy ice cream you knwo what I am saying. Just like the harlot that tempted the simple man that was not watchful sin tempts us. (See Proverbs chapter 7) We need to stay watchful and be mindful of the way our life is going.
I need to be watchful and mindful of my life; what I eat, when I eat, when (and if) I exercise, and so forth. By being spiritually mindful and watchful we take care of our heart and our relationship with Christ. Being physically watchful and mindful of the things we do we take care of the temple of God.
I guess I am writing this tonight more for me then for you. I need to take my own advice. I WILL eat better and I WILL exercise. I WILL be watchful and mindful so that my life - the one I am using as an ambassador for Christ may bring him glory. :o)
I pray you also chose to live this way too.
poetry in motion
I wanted to write a poem earlier this evening about poetry but I couldn't think of what to write, ironic isn't it? Today seems to be full of irony. First, I planned on having a quiet day with my boys, then all madness broke out when I ended up with 6 kids in my house and (enjoyable) chaos bloomed. This evening I wanted to sit and relax watching a movie with Mike and the movie turned out to be worse then we thought. We turned it off and watched tv instead, which was a bit disappointing, to me at least. I thought maybe I could go to bed early but here I am and the desire to go to bed has left.
You ever have one of those days where your plans get all squashed up and thrown in a wastepaper basket? Sometimes, when that happens the new plans are even better and you have a great time. Sometimes the new plans are worse and you wish you could just go to bed and start the day over. Today the new plans, for me at least, were fun and enjoyable, but that is not always the case.
Life is really poetry in motion. It flows one way and the other, with a mind of it's own, fleeting by with a care... It can be smooth sailing or rough riding, but it is all ways moving, like words on a page. Poetry tells a story. This story can be hard to decipher or easy to see. It can be short or long with deep insight or it can roll off the sleeve. No matter what the story is always there, never leaving your side. You write it each moment you take a breath.
Don't you want your story to be remembered as something wonderful? Don't you want it to be life changing for someone else? Don't you want it to impact others in a good way? I certainly do. With Christ that happens each day, if you let it. Without Christ, you might have a good impact but it could always be better. You might have an enjoyable life but are you really happy? Your life might be filled wiht glorious things that are envied by others, but do you feel fulfilled?
There is a place in your life that can only be written by god almighty. He writes the poetry that last forever. The poetry we may write when we live our lives is only short lived. Few may remember it when we die and some may not even remember it next week. With Jesus in the center of you life that poetry takes on a whole new meaning. To bring glory to God in the hgihest is the best poetry that can ever be written. It is the greatest joy that can ever be achieved.
So if you are not saved, I pray you get saved and then you'll be able to understand what I am saying. If you are saved, let od write His poetry in your life.
Here is a bit of irony, I started this blog today not knowing what to write, I put the title in thinking it was stupid but I let God choose my words for me and see what happened? I was able to bring Glory to God in Heaven, all without actually intending to. :) Ironic, huh? that is what happens whne you let Him write the poetry of your life.
Have a great night everyone and thank you for reading. :o)
You ever have one of those days where your plans get all squashed up and thrown in a wastepaper basket? Sometimes, when that happens the new plans are even better and you have a great time. Sometimes the new plans are worse and you wish you could just go to bed and start the day over. Today the new plans, for me at least, were fun and enjoyable, but that is not always the case.
Life is really poetry in motion. It flows one way and the other, with a mind of it's own, fleeting by with a care... It can be smooth sailing or rough riding, but it is all ways moving, like words on a page. Poetry tells a story. This story can be hard to decipher or easy to see. It can be short or long with deep insight or it can roll off the sleeve. No matter what the story is always there, never leaving your side. You write it each moment you take a breath.
Don't you want your story to be remembered as something wonderful? Don't you want it to be life changing for someone else? Don't you want it to impact others in a good way? I certainly do. With Christ that happens each day, if you let it. Without Christ, you might have a good impact but it could always be better. You might have an enjoyable life but are you really happy? Your life might be filled wiht glorious things that are envied by others, but do you feel fulfilled?
There is a place in your life that can only be written by god almighty. He writes the poetry that last forever. The poetry we may write when we live our lives is only short lived. Few may remember it when we die and some may not even remember it next week. With Jesus in the center of you life that poetry takes on a whole new meaning. To bring glory to God in the hgihest is the best poetry that can ever be written. It is the greatest joy that can ever be achieved.
So if you are not saved, I pray you get saved and then you'll be able to understand what I am saying. If you are saved, let od write His poetry in your life.
Here is a bit of irony, I started this blog today not knowing what to write, I put the title in thinking it was stupid but I let God choose my words for me and see what happened? I was able to bring Glory to God in Heaven, all without actually intending to. :) Ironic, huh? that is what happens whne you let Him write the poetry of your life.
Have a great night everyone and thank you for reading. :o)
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I want to blog
Ok, so it has been forever since I blogged. That has not been due to my not wanting to though. Between all the business my life brings and the fact that it all makes me so tired I haven't found the time to blog.
So what has been going on in my life? Well, nothing really exciting I can tell you that. I babysit t 5 year old kids, one boy one girl. They are a lot of fun but really tiring at times, but aren't all kids? I homeschool both of my boys but lately I have been doing more of an unschooling approach. I don't like ti very much but I have yet to find motivation to get back to a more structured approach. If I like it or not I have to start cracking down and get to our traditional lessons. lol Oh, and we have been really busy going to doctor's appointments for Adam.
Talking about Adam I will ask you all for prayer. Adam is not 15 and has grown considerablly over the last few years. He is about 180 lbs and almost 5'10". Recently he has had some very concerning health problems. The issue though is that the doctor can't figure out what it causing these symptoms. Ok so you're probably thinking what symptoms? He got a very bad kidney infection a couple of months back. There was no warning signs he just woke up one morning with a lot of back pain on one side. Since then he has acquired other symptoms like constant dizziness, nausea, swelling and spreading pain. So Adam has to go see a couple of specialists to find out what his body is going thru.
So please pray for Adam and for the doctor to have wisdom as to what ails Adam.
I hope to write another blog soon. I will try to at least.
Thank you for being patiently waiting for me to get back to blogging. Hopefully I will be able to find more time to do it.
Have a great night!
So what has been going on in my life? Well, nothing really exciting I can tell you that. I babysit t 5 year old kids, one boy one girl. They are a lot of fun but really tiring at times, but aren't all kids? I homeschool both of my boys but lately I have been doing more of an unschooling approach. I don't like ti very much but I have yet to find motivation to get back to a more structured approach. If I like it or not I have to start cracking down and get to our traditional lessons. lol Oh, and we have been really busy going to doctor's appointments for Adam.
Talking about Adam I will ask you all for prayer. Adam is not 15 and has grown considerablly over the last few years. He is about 180 lbs and almost 5'10". Recently he has had some very concerning health problems. The issue though is that the doctor can't figure out what it causing these symptoms. Ok so you're probably thinking what symptoms? He got a very bad kidney infection a couple of months back. There was no warning signs he just woke up one morning with a lot of back pain on one side. Since then he has acquired other symptoms like constant dizziness, nausea, swelling and spreading pain. So Adam has to go see a couple of specialists to find out what his body is going thru.
So please pray for Adam and for the doctor to have wisdom as to what ails Adam.
I hope to write another blog soon. I will try to at least.
Thank you for being patiently waiting for me to get back to blogging. Hopefully I will be able to find more time to do it.
Have a great night!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
wear purple on Jan 24th!!! please!
A little more information about Moebius Syndrome!
On the 24th of January 2011 , the first ever Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day will take place and will be celebrated worldwide by the various Moebius Syndrome communities and organizations.
January 24th is a significant date in the history of Moebius Syndrome as it is the birth date of Professor Paul Julius Mobius, the neurologist who first diagnosed the disorder in 1888, and who was born on January 24th, 1853.
The concept of the Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day was conceived by Donnie Downs, a board member of The Many Faces Of Moebius Syndrome website, whose son Caleb was born with the syndrome.
During the course of 2010 a cause page was started at www.causes.com/causes/453553 in support of a Moebius Syndrome Awareness day – to date it has attracted 4343 members, all in support of Moebius Syndrome awareness.
The first ever Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day in 2011 will be supported by all three of the Moebius Syndrome organizations;
The Moebius Syndrome Foundation www.moebiussyndrome.com
The Many Faces Of Moebius Syndrome www.manyfacesofmoebiussyndrome.com
The Moebius Syndrome Research Trust www.moebiusresearchtrust.org
Those of us who have Moebius Syndrome or who are a parent, relative or friend of someone who has Moebius, are all too aware of the lack of resources, understanding and knowledge of it – even sometimes from seasoned medical practitioners and other learned professionals.
The aim of a Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day is, of course, to create an awareness of the syndrome; to break the social barriers which can be created by it; to foster a greater understanding of it by the medical community and public at large; and to literally bring the syndrome and the perceptions of it, and those who have it, out of the dark ages, where it has been languishing for far too long.
The true experts on Moebius Syndrome are you - the parents, siblings and individuals who live with it every day of your lives. Please join us in celebrating the first ever Moebius Syndrome Day on January 24th. Together we can improve the lives of those affected by it, and those who have yet to be affected by it.
By Gavin Fouche
Mission Statement
To create a better tomorrow for ourselves and our children through education and public awareness!
What is Moebius Syndrome?
Moebius Syndrome is an extremely rare congenital neurological disorder which is characterized by facial paralysis and the inability to move the eyes from side to side. Most people with Moebius syndrome are born with facial paralysis, which means they cannot close their eyes or form facial expressions. Limb and chest wall abnormalities sometimes occur with the syndrome. Most people with Moebius syndrome have normal intelligence, and others should take care not to confuse their lack of facial expression with dullness or unfriendliness. It is named for Paul Jullius Mobius, a neurologist who first described the syndrome in 1888.
A little more information about Moebius Syndrome!
CLINICAL FEATURES
Moebius syndrome results from the underdevelopment of the sixth and seventh cranial nerve. The sixth cranial nerve controls lateral eye movement, and the seventh cranial nerve controls facial expression. People with Möbius syndrome are born with facial paralysis and the inability to move their eyes laterally. Often, the upper lip is retracted due to muscle shrinkage. Occasionally, the cranial nerves five and eight are affected. If cranial eight is affected, the person experiences hearing loss.
It is estimated that there are, on average, 2 to 20 cases of Moebius syndrome per million births. Although its rarity often leads to late diagnosis, infants with this disorder can be identified at birth by a "mask-like" lack of expression that is detectable during crying or laughing and by an inability to suck while nursing because of paresis (palsy) of the sixth and seventh cranial nerves. Also, because a person with Moebius syndrome cannot follow objects by moving their eyes from side to side, they turn their head instead.
Other symptoms that sometimes occur with Moebius syndrome are:
- Limb abnormalities—clubbed feet, missing fingers or toes
- Chest-wall abnormalities
- Crossed eyes
- Difficulty in breathing and/or in swallowing
- Corneal erosion resulting from difficulty in blinking
Treatment
There is no single course of medical treatment or cure for Moebius syndrome. Treatment is supportive and in accordance with symptoms. If they have difficulty nursing, infants may require feeding tubes or special bottles to maintain sufficient nutrition. Physical, occupational, and speech therapy can improve motor skills and coordination and can lead to better control of speaking and eating abilities. Often, frequent lubrication with eye drops is sufficient to combat dry eye that results from impaired blinking. Surgery can correct crossed eyes, protect the cornea, and improve limb and jaw deformities. Sometimes called "smile surgery" by the media, muscle transfers grafted from the thigh to the corners of the mouth can be performed to provide the ability to smile. Although "smile surgery" may provide the ability to smile, the procedure is complex and can take twelve hours for each side of the face. Also, the surgery cannot be considered a "cure" for Moebius syndrome, because it does not improve the ability to form other facial expressions.
Living with Moebius Syndrome
Many people with Moebius syndrome lead full lives and experience personal and professional success. Facial expression is important in social interaction, and other people may have difficulty recognizing the emotions of people with Moebius. A person with Moebius syndrome who cannot smile may appear unfriendly or disinterested in a conversation. However, friends and family who are familiar with the person with Moebius syndrome learn to recognize other signals of emotion such as body language, and they sometimes report forgetting that the person has facial paralysis altogether. People with Moebius syndrome can use alternative methods to communicate emotion—such as body language, posture, and vocal tone.
From what I have read, and please do not quote me on this - there are only less then 1000 people affected by Moebius in the United States. In Europe there are only 300 cases a year. this is a very rare disorder and could use the publicity. We all know that publicity equals money for research in the long run. So please, please, please be supportive of raising awareness of Moebius syndrome by wearing purple on Jan 24th.
thank you!
Monday, January 3, 2011
a bit about nothing......
Ok so I want to blog but I really have nothing to say. Today was a good day. All the kids were well behaved, no problems to speak of and I even got my chores one even though I was running around in the car today. So, I feel like I was able to get a good amount of things accomplished. When all is said and done, the day went well and I am left sooooooooooo tired. It's funny though because I wasn't tired until I had time to actually sit ad relax then it hit me. I hate when that happens.
I had hoped to blog more often but with my schedule recently have no time. When things calm down, hopefully soon, I will blog more. Until then have a great time doing what ever you are doing.... until then, gn
I had hoped to blog more often but with my schedule recently have no time. When things calm down, hopefully soon, I will blog more. Until then have a great time doing what ever you are doing.... until then, gn
Monday, December 27, 2010
becareful little minds what you think..........
Today has a been a rough day for me. I have had a lot of emotional downs. I wish I could say I do not know why but in fact I do know. I just wish I did not though. One, I have not been taken my medicines (thyroid, depression, estrogen, etc...) for a few days as the holidays have kept me distracted. Two, I am too emotionally led astray, it is my weakness. I wish for people, all people, to like me. If for some reason they do not, or seem as if they do not, it concerns me a great deal. It's not that I want to be the most popular girl around but I do not want to be unpopular either. Sometimes it feels as if people not liking me effects how I like myself. Now that may not make sense to some people but to me it makes perfect sense.
There has been a lot of things in my past that can be seen as proof that people whom you would think would love me in reality love themselves more. I know that this isn't my fault and I know that these people truly did love me but had no idea how to show it to me. Through circumstances beyond my control it seems people have left my life forever without really seeming to care that I was hurt. I know I am not supposed to dwell on the past and honestly I do not. I do know though, that my past has helped to shape me into the being that I am today. I also know that God can reshape me into anything He wishes me to be, IF I let Him. It's that last part that always catches me; the IF. It's not like I do not want Him to shape me to fit His will, but I do not want to give up trying to handle it myself either. It's as if by letting go and giving to God I will be admitting failure. No one I know really wants to admit failure. To be honest with God though, we must.
I started writing this post tonight not really knowing where this would go, how I would express my thoughts, what I would say or not say and still not let it become a pity party of 1, spread through out cyberspace. So I started praying. God give me the words to speak. Give me the guidance to clear my mind of all this self-pity. Through writing this I can see that the self pity is entirely my fault. I do not need people to like me, nor do I need to please others. Through pleasing God and letting His light shine I will not feel lonely. I will not feel sad. It is a hard thing to do though, so I truly do covet your prayers.
Right before starting this post I read a post from a facebook friend. The lady that posted it is always posting wonderfully encouraging things to help people remember to focus on Christ. This is what she posted.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
change your expectations
I do not plan on writing this for too long this evening because I am tired......... It's been a long but really enjoyable day. Christmas is my favorite time of year. My birthday and Christmas are the only "holidays" I truly love.
Today I have had a few thoughts scampering around my brain. One of them has been to lower your expectations. you see Christmas can be wonderful or frustrating and sad. IT depends on your perspective and your expectations of the day. What will you get? How will dinner turn out? Will everyone get along? Will everyone like the gifts I bought them? There are so many things that can not only distract us from the true meaning of the celebration but also make us feel down in the dumps. This has happened to me more times then I care to admit. A number of years ago I used to have my expectations for presents much higher then I do now. You see women tend to think differently then men regarding many things, purchasing gifts is one of them. although my husband's intent was to buy things for me that I would love and that would show his love for me, he didn't always succeed. Now, I love my husband more then life itself (but not as much as God) but he doesn't always know what I like despite our 16 years of marriage. So when gift opening time came I always got disappointed, disappointing him in the process. Now, I focus on his intent instead of the gift. This year my husband bought me things that I would use, things that are practical and things I enjoy, such as bubble bath and a bath pillow. Now, although the gifts I received are not extravagant, nor are then fancy, they are things I love. Thought was put into the gifts. To me, now tha tI take thet ime to understand the love that went into picking out the gifts, I am no longer disappointed. I am rather thrilled that my husband loves me so much he thougth to vget that item, even if it is not one I would usually pick out.
So, don't set your expectations too high at Christmas time. No matter if you get exactly what you wished for or you received something stupid and lame, you are loved and that is always more important.
Thinking of how much you are loved, reminds me of how much we are all loved; by God. You see God gave up a part of Himself, His very own child, His only child. He did that because He wanted to spend eternity with His creations, us. He wanted to spend time with those He loves. His son, Jesus Christ, willingly gave up his Godhood for a time to become human, knowing full well that he would be ridiculed, tormented, attacked, sold for silver, beaten beyond recognition then hung on a cross to die. He was buried in a sealed tomb in the cold hard ground. But he did this all because He knew that it was the only way to get to spend eternity with those he loves. He rose from the grave to prove his love to us. What a love that is!!!!
So, I have two things to take for all this; do not set your expectations for gifts so high that you get disappointed and expect more from Christ as He loves you more then you know!
I pray you all had a wonderful Christmas, I know we did!
Today I have had a few thoughts scampering around my brain. One of them has been to lower your expectations. you see Christmas can be wonderful or frustrating and sad. IT depends on your perspective and your expectations of the day. What will you get? How will dinner turn out? Will everyone get along? Will everyone like the gifts I bought them? There are so many things that can not only distract us from the true meaning of the celebration but also make us feel down in the dumps. This has happened to me more times then I care to admit. A number of years ago I used to have my expectations for presents much higher then I do now. You see women tend to think differently then men regarding many things, purchasing gifts is one of them. although my husband's intent was to buy things for me that I would love and that would show his love for me, he didn't always succeed. Now, I love my husband more then life itself (but not as much as God) but he doesn't always know what I like despite our 16 years of marriage. So when gift opening time came I always got disappointed, disappointing him in the process. Now, I focus on his intent instead of the gift. This year my husband bought me things that I would use, things that are practical and things I enjoy, such as bubble bath and a bath pillow. Now, although the gifts I received are not extravagant, nor are then fancy, they are things I love. Thought was put into the gifts. To me, now tha tI take thet ime to understand the love that went into picking out the gifts, I am no longer disappointed. I am rather thrilled that my husband loves me so much he thougth to vget that item, even if it is not one I would usually pick out.
So, don't set your expectations too high at Christmas time. No matter if you get exactly what you wished for or you received something stupid and lame, you are loved and that is always more important.
Thinking of how much you are loved, reminds me of how much we are all loved; by God. You see God gave up a part of Himself, His very own child, His only child. He did that because He wanted to spend eternity with His creations, us. He wanted to spend time with those He loves. His son, Jesus Christ, willingly gave up his Godhood for a time to become human, knowing full well that he would be ridiculed, tormented, attacked, sold for silver, beaten beyond recognition then hung on a cross to die. He was buried in a sealed tomb in the cold hard ground. But he did this all because He knew that it was the only way to get to spend eternity with those he loves. He rose from the grave to prove his love to us. What a love that is!!!!
So, I have two things to take for all this; do not set your expectations for gifts so high that you get disappointed and expect more from Christ as He loves you more then you know!
I pray you all had a wonderful Christmas, I know we did!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
enjoying things to do
Have you ever been so busy that you feel as though you have to think to even breathe? Have you ever not had any time for yourself to relax? It's days like that that make me go crazy. It seems that I have a lot more of those days recently. By the end of the night I am very tired. The next morning I wake at 6, just in time to start babysitting.....
Well, tomorrow I do not have to babysit at 6 am so I am staying up late and relaxing. I made Christmas cards and watched a movie. It's times like this that I miss.
So anyhow, I was able to make 6 handmade Christmas cards tonight. I felt great afterwards! How refreshing it is to sit and relax doing something I really enjoy!
I am off to bed now but before I go I encourage yoiu to take the time to sit and do something just for you that you find really enjoyable. :) It is a refreshing few moments just for you. :)
God Bless
Well, tomorrow I do not have to babysit at 6 am so I am staying up late and relaxing. I made Christmas cards and watched a movie. It's times like this that I miss.
So anyhow, I was able to make 6 handmade Christmas cards tonight. I felt great afterwards! How refreshing it is to sit and relax doing something I really enjoy!
I am off to bed now but before I go I encourage yoiu to take the time to sit and do something just for you that you find really enjoyable. :) It is a refreshing few moments just for you. :)
God Bless
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