For the girl that wants to date my son

For the girl that wants to date my son. 

We encourage you to get to know us as a family; our likes and dislikes, our morals and values, our rules and beliefs; get to know who we are and what we are made out of. For in them you will see what our son is truly like. In turn we want to get to know you. We want you to know that we are interested in you and your life, your family and your dreams. We want you to know why we do not allow dating.

Dating is a tricky subject for many families. Some do not mind it at all. Some think it’s cute and adorable. Some joke about it from a young age and some refuse to discuss it until a child reaches “the right age”. Some hate but tolerate it and some refuse to allow it. Some people just don't feel one way or the other; it's just something one does and eventually one gets married. Everyone seems to have an opinion about how it should be done and everyone seems to think their opinion is the right one. Even though some say they don't have an opinion, everyone really does.

Dating can be called many things; hooking up, hanging out, going steady, being exclusive, seeing, being into and so forth. Some even call their version of dating courting. Courting and dating, in my opinion are way different. Dating has a perception that one could ‘date’ anyone without repercussions, without expectations, without damaging results. Dating has a purpose of enjoying who you are with and feeling good in the relationship. Dating is very selfish. I see no specific purpose other than feeling good; about yourself and about who you are dating. Dating can involve reaching all the ‘bases’ including sex. Hands grope, lips kiss, people mauling, pawing and putting aside one’s personal space is very common. Dating is very self focused. I dated when I was young. I remember the feelings coursing through my mind, my body, causing me to forgo the teachings of my parents, the teachings of the Bible.

Courting, however, has a specific purpose in mind; marriage. With courting you are seeking out a lifelong partner. You are just as interested in the other person’s long term relationship as you are in yours. God is the focus and God is doing the leading; at least one would hope so. Getting to know each other is the focus. It involves looking beyond the now, looking beyond our flesh and seeing the future; or at least trying to envision it. Courting involves both families, not just the teens or young adults. There is a saying that when you marry someone you don’t just marry them; you marry their whole family. I think that is right. When you are married you are now accepted into the family fold. Getting to know the family of the person you are courting just makes sense if you are looking for a future with them. Courting means waiting. When we are able to put our fleshly desires aside and we are able to focus on creating a lifelong bond. We can see the person for who they are and not what they can do for us it makes a big difference. We can develop that emotional and spiritual bond that goes beyond the physical. The physical only lasts for so long sometimes, but a bond brought forth in friendship lasts much longer.  

Courting is God focused. Our family tries to as God focused as we can. We are a fun family who values people and friendships. We all have ministries that we love even if the world doesn't consider them 'ministries'. We find joy in the little things in life, a walk in the park, going for a drive, eating ice cream sundaes, building with Keva Planks. We enjoy talking to each other, keeping each other with things, building each other up. We enjoy laughing and being silly. We enjoy sarcasm. We enjoy reading God's Word, church, family movies, and good books. We enjoy life without the drama.

Our family is God focused. So, beautiful young lady, if you are interested in courting our son know that my heart wants to welcome you.

The guilt of homeschooling

The guilt of homeschooling. Even if you think you don't feel guilt right now I'm fairly certain almost every homeschooler has felt a tinge of it once ion their homeschooling adventure.

I have struggled with guilt over homeschooling our two special needs children. I have struggled EVEN MORE over the guilt of putting my children IN public school. Pulling them back out, I did not struggle with but I did struggle with if I gave them the best education I could. Having one child already graduating and one to graduate next June, I STILL struggle with guilt.

Guilt over what? I am doing the right thing, of course. We all go through it, we all have those moments of feeling like a failure; as a parent and as an educator. (You are ALWAYS educating your children, even if you do not homeschool. You are the primary person your children look to for guidance and for learning. Monkey see monkey do, you ever hear that phrase? It's true. You swear? Your child will end up spouting the F bomb or the S word a time or two. You pray daily and read Scripture? You know your child will notice and they will mimic.) Guilt over the life long impact I am imparting on my children. Did I do well enough? Could I have done better? No matter what I do or didn't do the guilt remains. I know I did the best I could and have tried my best to follow god's direction for our family. I know I tried my hardest to pick up on the cues my sons were giving me as to what they needed in all areas of life, eduction being only part of that.

Why is it then that homeschoolers get this overwhelming feeling of failure when they look back at their child's education; the education they put into place.
Everyone wants to keep up with the Jones. Everyone wants that smarter then average children. Everyone wants to be noticed for doing a great job. Face it, when you educate your children at home you are being scrutinized on all sides for how well your children turn out; even by yourself. Everyone wants to be found doing a phenomenal job.

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Notice I did not say guilty? I am not guilty but at times I am filled with guilt. Unwarranted most of the time but there nonetheless. Step back, take a breath, stop to think - rationally think. You will see that if you are doing the best you can and you are following the homeschooling laws set forth in your local area then you are guilty of only one thing. You are guilty of loving your child enough to help educated them in the best way you know how.

Take that step back and remember that God did not call the qualified. He qualifies the called. If you have children then you have been called to raise them. Don't let the guilt overwhelm you. Don't let the kids down the block cloud your judgement as to how to raise your own child. Go before God himself and ask for guidance; He will surely answer.

My feelings of guilt come and go but I know that I have done the best I could for my children; righting wrongs as we go. I know I will continue to do the best I can for them too. I don't know everything, I am still learning. What I do know is that my children have far exceeded my expectations in life and I know they will continue to do so if I continue to expect their best and teach them to expect their best too.

Keep the big picture in mind when you see little things not going so well. It's the big picture in the end that makes the difference. The little things, with the long term perspective, will fall into place. In our house, the big picture is ultimately to raise our kids with a love for the Lord most of all but also to be productive people in society and to never stop learning

I urge you, be that man.

The man I want you to become....

I dreamed of a man who would sweep me off my feet and make me feel special every day of my life. I dreamed of a man whom I could live my whole life with knowing I was secure in his love. Prince Charming comes to mind.

Instead I have a man who is so much more. Through dirty cloth-diapers washed by his hands, scrubbing vomit out of the carpets at 3 am, comforting children screaming from night terrors... through Asperger's, Moebius, allergies, meltdowns, hissy fits, fibromyalgia, depression and debilitating migraines... through surgeries, therapies, unending doctor appointments... I have a man who has thrived. He is so much more than Prince Charming. He is so much more than I ever dreamed.

Be that man. Be so much more.

Being a man does not come from your genes. It comes from commitment and love and selflessness. It comes from within.

Be that man. Commit to your marriage. Commit to your love. Commit to being selfless. Commit to your wife. Commit to your children.

Know that a man will hold a crying baby at 3 in the morning so his wife can rest. They will  bandage skinned knees, wipe tears away, hold the Kleenex for a booger-filled nose. A man will tell his sick wife (who hasn't showered all day and looks like she just got run over) how beautiful she is. A man will hold her close and tell her that he will make dinner tonight and put the kids to bed.

A real man will desire a woman who is modest in her clothing. He will know that true beauty is inside and that by her covering herself she is respecting the temple of God. He will not compare her to others because he knows that degrades her. He will show her his love through his actions, not just his words.

A real man will read Scriptures to his wife while she does the dishes. A man will help with those very same dishes. On days that the house is a mess and the wife is exhausted a real man will bring home KFC or take the kids to McDonald's. If money is tight, as it often is, that man will just make hot dogs and mac and cheese for the kids instead.

A man knows that in order to raise children who will become wonderful spouses he must first be one himself. If he ever desires his children to have healthy relationships he must model that for them.

He will show his wife he loves her in front of the kids. He will act out that love in his daily interactions. He will talk kindly about her to his children. His friends will know he loves her. His friends will know that through problems he will persevere.

A real man knows that family comes with messes, disagreements and chaos. A man won't mind that as he knows it's only temporary. He knows that anything worth keeping will require struggling through the messes, chaos and disagreements. He knows that struggling through will strengthen him and his family.

He knows putting God before all is what makes it all worth while. He knows that by leaning on the Savior he can stand tall.

So, my sons, I urge you, be that man.