A Courting Perspective

A Courting Perspective



Courtship: Do's and Don'ts?

Courtship starts with a mindset, not a list of rules of do's and don'ts. If I had to list some though it might look a little like this:

* meeting in public places or with groups of people
* limiting physical touch to minimize temptations. (some restrict to the point of only hand holding, this is a personal choice. IMO a peck on the cheek in front of others ONLY after courting for a few months is ok. Hand holding and hugging - short and sweet - are ok too after a while of courting. Neither the pec k on the cheek nor the physical contact should take focus in the relationship.)
* Alone time is minimized and family ALWAYS knows where you are going and who you are with.

As with any parenting issue open communication with parents is a must. This has to start young because by the time your child is of courting age they have already determined how they interact with you and you really cannot change that without some MAJOR work. lol

Each parent must decide for their own family what their courting rules will be. Some have the contracts that must be signed, chaperones at every meeting, no touching and so forth. For me though, I think that is a bit of over kill. When we restrict our children too much they will end up just rebelling. I have seen it happen way too often.

What is your definition of courtship?

Courtship has the end goal of marriage. Dating is enjoying each others company (may or may not include physically touch) with no real end goal but rather a "let's see where this goes" attitude. Sometimes dating leads to marriage, sometimes (more often then not) it does not lead to marriage but rather break ups, which can be very harsh - especially on young hormonal girls.

Courtship usually includes a mature perspective looking towards their own future and keeping God as their focus. It may (usually does) include the families, not just the participants in the courtship relationship. This does not mean always having a chaperone and always being surrounded by family. It means realizing that, since marriage is the end goal, one's family will be part of the relationship also.

The families' roles are not for spying or making anyone uncomfortable. They are not there to sit in between you and your date so nothing happens. They are there for guidance, protection, to help keep one from entering into a sinful act and so forth.
Courting is usually done (from what I have seen and read) in public places where the opportunities to be close and personal (intimate) are difficult to come by therefore helping to keep the participants from falling into sin. Having family around helps keep one's mind focused properly.

Courtship is a preparation for marriage, dating is not. One does not enter a courtship relationship until the two have been friends for some time and are more serious about (and mature enough for) marriage. Courtship is not entered into lightly.,

For me, the problem with dating is the emotional connection, which can (but does not always) lead to physical touch. You get attached, emotionally, to the person you are dating. When you break up those feelings do not just simply go away. You now have emotional baggage being brought into the next relationship. This can cause confusion, comparisons, uncomfortable expectations, desire to live up to those expectations that may be unrealistic and more.

When one's mind is focused on Christ courting can be a beautiful experience which brings two people together in unity. Although I did not court my husband, I wish I did. Having dated others prior to our dating (some 22 years ago) I can see now how it has affected our relationship over time. We have two sons, 20 (on Friday) and 17 years old. Neither have dated (nor really have wanted to yet) and I pray that they both choose to court instead.

Courtship: Pros and Cons?

more focused on who and why you want the relationship helps one be more selective in choosing someone to be in the relationship with. It also helps one realize the end goal is marriage so they are more mindful of sinful trappings. That is why I prefer my sons enter courting relationships and not date anyone.

Dating seems to be more emotionally charged which leads to the heart leading, not the mind leading. This can lead to temptations getting the better of a person and that person falling into sin. Since the heart and emotions take the lead in dating there is more baggage carried from one relationship to the next, even when physical intimacy has not been a concern. Just the emotions attached to the person one dated are enough to create unwelcome baggage which can (and usually does) create comparisons, higher or lower expectations of the partner or one"s self, fear of refusal, peer pressures and so forth. It can also lead to a desire to be alone more often due to the listening to hormonal urges we are all drawn to increasing risk of physical intimacy.

The only pro I can see in dating is getting to meet more people and find out what NOT to do in relationships.

Courting avoids some of the dating cons. It brings with it some wonderful pros too. It brings one focused on their future and their future relationships and long term life goals. It brings maturity and assurity, self respect and self discipline. It brings focus and accountability. More important it brings a relationship based a deeper understanding of the other person and not focused on physical desires.

It also, when trained according to the Word of God, brings a clearer understanding of Scripture as to how and why to court instead of date. 

EDIT:
Both sets of parents need to be on the same page. They both need to be committed to teaching their children about the differences and dangers of dating/courting AND they need to be committed to following through with whatever rules they set forth for their children.

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This is my perspective as Scripture teaches. If you see where I am Scripturally wrong please point it out and give me Scripture to back up your perspective. Thank you.

The guilt of homeschooling

The guilt of homeschooling. Even if you think you don't feel guilt right now I'm fairly certain almost every homeschooler has felt a tinge of it once ion their homeschooling adventure.

I have struggled with guilt over homeschooling our two special needs children. I have struggled EVEN MORE over the guilt of putting my children IN public school. Pulling them back out, I did not struggle with but I did struggle with if I gave them the best education I could. Having one child already graduating and one to graduate next June, I STILL struggle with guilt.

Guilt over what? I am doing the right thing, of course. We all go through it, we all have those moments of feeling like a failure; as a parent and as an educator. (You are ALWAYS educating your children, even if you do not homeschool. You are the primary person your children look to for guidance and for learning. Monkey see monkey do, you ever hear that phrase? It's true. You swear? Your child will end up spouting the F bomb or the S word a time or two. You pray daily and read Scripture? You know your child will notice and they will mimic.) Guilt over the life long impact I am imparting on my children. Did I do well enough? Could I have done better? No matter what I do or didn't do the guilt remains. I know I did the best I could and have tried my best to follow god's direction for our family. I know I tried my hardest to pick up on the cues my sons were giving me as to what they needed in all areas of life, eduction being only part of that.

Why is it then that homeschoolers get this overwhelming feeling of failure when they look back at their child's education; the education they put into place.
Everyone wants to keep up with the Jones. Everyone wants that smarter then average children. Everyone wants to be noticed for doing a great job. Face it, when you educate your children at home you are being scrutinized on all sides for how well your children turn out; even by yourself. Everyone wants to be found doing a phenomenal job.

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Notice I did not say guilty? I am not guilty but at times I am filled with guilt. Unwarranted most of the time but there nonetheless. Step back, take a breath, stop to think - rationally think. You will see that if you are doing the best you can and you are following the homeschooling laws set forth in your local area then you are guilty of only one thing. You are guilty of loving your child enough to help educated them in the best way you know how.

Take that step back and remember that God did not call the qualified. He qualifies the called. If you have children then you have been called to raise them. Don't let the guilt overwhelm you. Don't let the kids down the block cloud your judgement as to how to raise your own child. Go before God himself and ask for guidance; He will surely answer.

My feelings of guilt come and go but I know that I have done the best I could for my children; righting wrongs as we go. I know I will continue to do the best I can for them too. I don't know everything, I am still learning. What I do know is that my children have far exceeded my expectations in life and I know they will continue to do so if I continue to expect their best and teach them to expect their best too.

Keep the big picture in mind when you see little things not going so well. It's the big picture in the end that makes the difference. The little things, with the long term perspective, will fall into place. In our house, the big picture is ultimately to raise our kids with a love for the Lord most of all but also to be productive people in society and to never stop learning

Pain that causes agony

This year.... it certainly has been rough. In July I had a car accident. It changed everything. I thought at first I was healing and recovering so nicely. I thought "Oh, I got this covered. I'm going to be back to normal really soon. It is not going to take me 6 - 12 months to heal...." Well, that was a delusion. The bumps and bruises went away fairly quickly. The aches and pains have not yet. That has made this past year a rough year. I thought I was used to living in pain. I have fibromyalgia. I have had it since I was 7. I have had broken bones, sprains, strains, pulled ligaments and tendons... you name it. I have had daily pain, daily migraines for a long time. I thought I can deal with this. I am having a hard time though. My muscles are so tight I can stretch out my leg without wincing and limping. Knots make it seem like I am leaning on rocks. Migraines are a common occurrence again. It's hard to drive, hard to sit and hard to stand - some times. Not all the time. Some days are far worse than others... Some days I feel as if I am perfectly normal. I live for those days.

Pain can take over your mind. It makes you think things you never wished a person would think. In fact you would wish no one EVER thought such things! Thankfully I have not gone down that path. Thoughts do cross my mind but never hurting myself in any fashion. Never suicide. Thankfully. Some do though. Some do.

That makes me think about others who suffer so. I do not wonder how people can think of suicide as a way out anymore. Some days, anything to end the pain might sound nice. It's not something anyone actually thinks will be best but pain clouds the mind. It clouds perception.

There is physical pain and emotional pain... I wonder which is worse. I wonder which is more devastating.

Emotional pain can seem so much worse... it brings with it despair, loneliness, lack of worth... it brings with it a degrading quality. It feeds upon itself. What is one to do? Physical pain can be bad enough. Emotional pain is worse I think. When you combine both you get a possibly lethal combination.

I praise the Lord daily that both my physical and emotional pains have been kept at bay enough not to lead me down a destructive path. I praise the Lord daily that He has given me the blessing of a wonderful family; a husband who loves me and will do anything to help me and children who are attentive and caring and helpful not to mention loving. It's on my worst day they make it possible to continue.

I pray for those who feel they are not blessed because they can no longer see the blessings around them. Their eyes are clouded with agony, with loneliness, with emotional devastation. My heart goes out to them. I pray for them. May they know that there is one who does not know them but prays for them. One that cares for them. One that wishes they would seek the Father above for comfort. Only in HIS comfort do we find strength!

That is what gives me strength. Some days I do not want to get up. Some days I do not want to teach, to clean, or to do anything productive. But it's those days that God shows me how much He loves me. He blesses me with loved ones and family. He wraps His arms around me ad holds me tight, never letting go. He brings me comfort and peace like nothing else on Earth can!

As I write this I know it sounds like I am depressed today. That is far from the truth. Oh, I have been in the past. I have been so badly that I wanted nothing in life, not even my newborn child. I have been so badly depressed I wish life would just cease to be. It's in those times that I needed to reach to the Father and grasp His loving hand that is reaching for me.

I pray that those who are depressed today might see this and that they might know there IS hope and His name is Jesus.

depression sucks rocks!

Supplements - hokum, right? vitamins - just a way for companies to make money on the niavity of the citizens. With all my medical issues taking vitamins and supplements won't help me much. I need to take prescriptions, right? Going off my meds is scary. How will I think and behave? I will become a basket case. I guess I am at the mercy of the doctors and pharmaceutical companies. UGH!!!!! Life is hard enough with out all these thoughts running through my head.

Ok, so where am I going with all this? Well, let me start from the beginning.  About 15 years ago I started having pains that were eventually found to be endometriosis. After 5 years of arguing with the insurance company I had  full hysterectomy. I thought that would be start of a pain free life. Little did I know then that it was only the start of a very, very long depressing road. After the surgery, I was diagnosed with a thyroid problem and depression along with being forced (due to the surgery) into menopause. All at the early age of 30. It was as if someone took my life and tossed it out the window. I was pain free for the most part but my whole personality changed. I was no longer the carefree loving life type of person. I hated what I had become. I tried to do the same things and live my life as "normal" as I could but I didn't have the heart for it anymore.

I have tried medicine after medicine. they have had one bad side effect after another, some of them particularly bad and uncontrollable. The meds were making me feel emotionally better, not great, just better. They were also controlling my life, ruining it day by day. I have two kids whom I homeschooled for many years before putting them into public school. (I eventually pulled them both out and am now homeschooling them again.) I couldn't take care of them they way I wanted to, the way I felt God wanted me to. I just didn't have the heart for life, being a mom, being a wife. Most days people had no idea how bad I felt because I tried to hide it but those who knew me best knew I was different.

I also have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome which causes a great deal of pain and tiredness. Along with the depression life pretty much sucked a lot. Now, don't think I was so bad that I wished to end my life. Praise the Lord that it never actually came to that. Even though I was depressed I was not suicidal thankfully!

Ok, so why am I telling you all of this??? It seems pretty dumb to tell my life story to those I do not really know. Why am I putting my medical issues on line for you to read? Is it becuase I want your sympathies? Oh heavens NO!!! I do not want your pity nor am I seeking attention. I am just simply sharing some amazing things with you that have happened to my lately.

Well, frankly that is the way life USED to be until a couple of days ago. I say used to be like becauase as of the last 4 or so days I have a new outlook on life and an whole new way of thinking and feeling. Praise the Lord!!! He is AMAZING!!!

St John's Wort is my new best friend! lol Ok, not my best friend but pretty close to it!

I started on a new medicine a while back that gave me some nasty shaking all day long! It drove me nuts. On top of that the doctor in all her college smartness thought that increasing the dose would actually help calm the shaking and make me feel better. Well, that didn't happen! lol (I actually love my doctor, she's really cool.)
I was really sick of all the side effects I would get taking all these stupid medications the doctors were prescribing to me. I had to do something!

Mike, my wonderfully, amazing husband, (and other people I know) have been talking to me over the years about trying vitamins. I have tried some but with a lot of skepticism. This time I thought I would try it again. Mike has been asking me to try St. John's Wort. So after all the shaking I have been doing I gave it a try. Not thinking anything would work I thought I was at the mercy of the medications; like it or not. What could it hurt to at least try the supplement? I had nothing to loose except the shaking, right I was getting desperate. I had to stop shaking! It was interfering with my daily life. So, I tried the suplement.

WOW!!!!! It works amazingly well!!!! I have read research on it and everything I see says that it takes up to 6 or so weeks for St. John's Wort to take full effect, though in just 2 days I felt so much better!!!!!! ONLY 2 DAYS!!!

It has been 3 or 4 days now and I have not taken any of my prescription medicines. I am not taking my depression med, my thyroid med nor my estrogen for menopause but I am not having any effects that would seem to happen if I miss a dose of my medicine. (I always get the withdrawal feelings if I miss a dose or two.)
I have not felt this great in so long. Over the last 10 or so years I have had a lot of trial and error with medications and supplements alike. I have NEVER had such a wonderful response to any of these until now.

I am not so naive that I might start to think that this little pill is the answer to all my depression problems. I am not holding onto the medication as a safety met or a cure all for my issues. I am smart enough to know that God is more powerful then anything we can imagine!!!! I am relying on God to help me through all of these though. God is bigger then any medicine man can come up with or find. God can and does use things to wake us up and help us through our issues. We have to have faith in Him to do so. He will if we seek Him and just ask. I am proof of that.

So, in all your tough moments in life remember that God is bigger then any of them and rely on Him. He is always there for you just waiting for you to seek Him and lean on Him. Sometimes He uses the little things here on Earth to help us out in our time of need.

As I told a friend at church this morning I am feel like I am waiting for the shoe to drop and to start feeling depressed again. She told me in all her wonderful joyfulness that the shoe won't drop because God is holding it so it won't. lol

I may become depressed again and if I do that is ok. I will deal with it when that happens. If it doesn't and I pray it won't, I know God will always be there for me to lean on. I know God deserves all the glory for how I feel. Praise His Holy Name!