Friendship

Tonight I sit here thinking about friendship. What does it mean to be a friend?

Webster’s online dictionary defines it this way.

friend

noun \ˈfrend\

: a person who you like and enjoy being with

: a person who helps or supports someone or something (such as a cause or charity)

Friendship is defined as this:

friend·ship

noun \ˈfren(d)-ˌship\

: the state of being friends : the relationship between friends

: a friendly feeling or attitude : kindness or help given to someone

So friendship seems to be two fold; according to how I read the above.

1 – to be a friend to others

2 – someone being a friend to you.

Scripture, according the Bible dictionary I have, says a friend is one who associates familiarly with one, a companion, an associate, a friend, to be friendly to one, to wish him well. 

From everything I can find in the dictionary and in Scriptures being a friend is the most important part of friendship. Reaching out to others, being kind, helpful, attentive, nurturing, caring, and considerate are general traits in being a friend. 

In today’s world people have put aside the traditional way of being friends. Yes, I know, we all change as time goes on. I get that. With technology, the way we are friends changes also. Texting, facebook’s newfeed wall, private facebook messages, instagram, twitter. It all has become so impersonal, so cold. 

Where did the phone calls go?

Where did the letters in the mail go?

How about stopping by someone’s house for a visit?

When things are said online they can be easily misconstrued and they lack emotions; voice inflections, facial expressions.

When I was growing up my parents were the “old” ones. They were older than any of my friends’ parents. They not only were older, they were ‘old school’ too. We earned what we had, we ate what we were served, and we were respectful and caring and helpful. We did not have caller id or call waiting; no computers or VHS players. I was not allowed to be on the phone much and I was encouraged to go visit my friends instead of calling them. I do not see that with kids today. I find that sad.

Friendships have become electronic. The teens I do see that do hang out with each other, do so because of convenience. When a person no longer fits their  perceived need or has offended them in some way, they are unfriended on facebook, blocked on the cell phone or ignored in person. What happened to fixing the friendship? I don’t know.

I started this blog upset. I usually type when I am upset or when things are on my mind. Tonight is no different. In fact, while everyone is sleeping, I find myself mulling things over in my head. As I sit here typing God works on my heart. Tonight is no exception. He has taught me some lessons writing this blog tonight. For that I am thankful.

Over the last few months I have been trying to figure out what exactly friendship is and what you can expect out of it. Do you know what I can come up with? Friendship starts with us – you, me, individually. Christ didn’t say to wait for others to be friends. He didn’t say to expect friendships. He didn’t say to hang on to friendships. He said to strive to be like Him. He gave us the best example there is. He was patient when it was needed, caring, attentive, nurturing, thoughtful, and yet harsh, straight forward and truthful at times.

Even though friendship starts with us it is joined by another. The two interact and complement each other.

Friendships are not easy at times. They are not at all perfect. We are humans and we are all messed up to some degree. When that happens we need to be understanding of one another. If there is a problem we need to go to that person with compassion and a heartfelt desire to fix the wrongs; even if it was us who were in the wrong. When things do go wrong we need to forgive. Christ is the best example of that. In all we try to do right we sin every day despite our best efforts. Christ forgives us every time we repent. How much more are we to forgive those who trespass against us? 

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:21&22(KJV)

I urge you to reach out to your friends. It’s hard when it’s so cold out and you don’t want to go anywhere. Cabin fever sets in and the loneliness feeds itself. Reaching out to your friends not only makes you feel better it might just make them feel better too. If someone reaches out to you, don’t just dismiss them. Accept their effort; don’t dismiss it and shun them. Don’t think they are doing ok, just because you are. They truly may not be doing well at all.

Lift others up and guide them to Christ. It’s in our down times that we forget to look up. Sometimes we only need a friend to help guide us.

Hold your friendships dear.

Love them, cherish them, encourage them.

Everyone needs a friend.

Loneliness - A Spiritual Tool

Loneliness, Loneliness - It can be suffocating.

Sometimes one can isolate one's self intentionally. Sometimes it just happens without one even realizing it is happening. I have felt lonely on and off for months now. That is part of depression. But that is not what this blog post is about. Today I want to talk about what I like to call "Intentional Loneliness."

There comes a time when we must choose how to behave. Every person has this choice. We find ourselves facing this multiple times, often in one day. Sometimes it simple choices sometimes it is a matter of choosing to sin.


Sinning is a choice. Sometimes it's an intentional choice others we do it without even thinking.
When that happens we need to take action.


Today, I found myself sitting alone in the hallway at church. In the past I have done this because of loneliness. Feeling alone in a crowded room with people I know and call my friends. Then, there are times like today. Nothing was wrong. I felt no disconnect with those around me. I enjoyed the conversations and I enjoyed the fellowship. So, why would I be sitting in the hallway, by myself, enjoying the loneliness?

Loneliness can be a spiritual tool. Today I used that tool. I do not tell you this to toot my own horn or to puff myself up and make myself look good in front of you. I tell you this so that you also may use this tool.

I have a sin issue. We all do, I know that. My sin issue is that I am easy to jump on the gossip bandwagon.  It is entertaining to talk, with no harming intentions at all, with no desires to spread unredeeming words of another. But it is the mouth that spews words before we think.

Matthew 15:18 says "But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.".

I wish to never defile another, much less myself. I know I have done just that in the past though. I know that I am not capable of being sinless. I know that trying to be sinless takes work. If being lonely can help me sin less then I must do it.

So, I chose to sit in the hallway today rather then run into the possibility of sinning.

No one ever said being a Christian was easy. No one ever said it would come naturally. In fact, Scripture says the opposite on both parts. When one follows Christ there will be hardships and there will be isolation. But with God there never is true isolation. With God our burdens become His when we rely on Him alone.

So today, with that in mind, I enjoyed the quietness of the hallway. It was refreshing to my spirit as I sat there on the cold floor. And I loved it.

Lonely out of necessity.
Lonely out of desire.
Lonely to keep me pure.
Lonely to keep me right

Pain that causes agony

This year.... it certainly has been rough. In July I had a car accident. It changed everything. I thought at first I was healing and recovering so nicely. I thought "Oh, I got this covered. I'm going to be back to normal really soon. It is not going to take me 6 - 12 months to heal...." Well, that was a delusion. The bumps and bruises went away fairly quickly. The aches and pains have not yet. That has made this past year a rough year. I thought I was used to living in pain. I have fibromyalgia. I have had it since I was 7. I have had broken bones, sprains, strains, pulled ligaments and tendons... you name it. I have had daily pain, daily migraines for a long time. I thought I can deal with this. I am having a hard time though. My muscles are so tight I can stretch out my leg without wincing and limping. Knots make it seem like I am leaning on rocks. Migraines are a common occurrence again. It's hard to drive, hard to sit and hard to stand - some times. Not all the time. Some days are far worse than others... Some days I feel as if I am perfectly normal. I live for those days.

Pain can take over your mind. It makes you think things you never wished a person would think. In fact you would wish no one EVER thought such things! Thankfully I have not gone down that path. Thoughts do cross my mind but never hurting myself in any fashion. Never suicide. Thankfully. Some do though. Some do.

That makes me think about others who suffer so. I do not wonder how people can think of suicide as a way out anymore. Some days, anything to end the pain might sound nice. It's not something anyone actually thinks will be best but pain clouds the mind. It clouds perception.

There is physical pain and emotional pain... I wonder which is worse. I wonder which is more devastating.

Emotional pain can seem so much worse... it brings with it despair, loneliness, lack of worth... it brings with it a degrading quality. It feeds upon itself. What is one to do? Physical pain can be bad enough. Emotional pain is worse I think. When you combine both you get a possibly lethal combination.

I praise the Lord daily that both my physical and emotional pains have been kept at bay enough not to lead me down a destructive path. I praise the Lord daily that He has given me the blessing of a wonderful family; a husband who loves me and will do anything to help me and children who are attentive and caring and helpful not to mention loving. It's on my worst day they make it possible to continue.

I pray for those who feel they are not blessed because they can no longer see the blessings around them. Their eyes are clouded with agony, with loneliness, with emotional devastation. My heart goes out to them. I pray for them. May they know that there is one who does not know them but prays for them. One that cares for them. One that wishes they would seek the Father above for comfort. Only in HIS comfort do we find strength!

That is what gives me strength. Some days I do not want to get up. Some days I do not want to teach, to clean, or to do anything productive. But it's those days that God shows me how much He loves me. He blesses me with loved ones and family. He wraps His arms around me ad holds me tight, never letting go. He brings me comfort and peace like nothing else on Earth can!

As I write this I know it sounds like I am depressed today. That is far from the truth. Oh, I have been in the past. I have been so badly that I wanted nothing in life, not even my newborn child. I have been so badly depressed I wish life would just cease to be. It's in those times that I needed to reach to the Father and grasp His loving hand that is reaching for me.

I pray that those who are depressed today might see this and that they might know there IS hope and His name is Jesus.