For the girl that wants to date my son

For the girl that wants to date my son. 

We encourage you to get to know us as a family; our likes and dislikes, our morals and values, our rules and beliefs; get to know who we are and what we are made out of. For in them you will see what our son is truly like. In turn we want to get to know you. We want you to know that we are interested in you and your life, your family and your dreams. We want you to know why we do not allow dating.

Dating is a tricky subject for many families. Some do not mind it at all. Some think it’s cute and adorable. Some joke about it from a young age and some refuse to discuss it until a child reaches “the right age”. Some hate but tolerate it and some refuse to allow it. Some people just don't feel one way or the other; it's just something one does and eventually one gets married. Everyone seems to have an opinion about how it should be done and everyone seems to think their opinion is the right one. Even though some say they don't have an opinion, everyone really does.

Dating can be called many things; hooking up, hanging out, going steady, being exclusive, seeing, being into and so forth. Some even call their version of dating courting. Courting and dating, in my opinion are way different. Dating has a perception that one could ‘date’ anyone without repercussions, without expectations, without damaging results. Dating has a purpose of enjoying who you are with and feeling good in the relationship. Dating is very selfish. I see no specific purpose other than feeling good; about yourself and about who you are dating. Dating can involve reaching all the ‘bases’ including sex. Hands grope, lips kiss, people mauling, pawing and putting aside one’s personal space is very common. Dating is very self focused. I dated when I was young. I remember the feelings coursing through my mind, my body, causing me to forgo the teachings of my parents, the teachings of the Bible.

Courting, however, has a specific purpose in mind; marriage. With courting you are seeking out a lifelong partner. You are just as interested in the other person’s long term relationship as you are in yours. God is the focus and God is doing the leading; at least one would hope so. Getting to know each other is the focus. It involves looking beyond the now, looking beyond our flesh and seeing the future; or at least trying to envision it. Courting involves both families, not just the teens or young adults. There is a saying that when you marry someone you don’t just marry them; you marry their whole family. I think that is right. When you are married you are now accepted into the family fold. Getting to know the family of the person you are courting just makes sense if you are looking for a future with them. Courting means waiting. When we are able to put our fleshly desires aside and we are able to focus on creating a lifelong bond. We can see the person for who they are and not what they can do for us it makes a big difference. We can develop that emotional and spiritual bond that goes beyond the physical. The physical only lasts for so long sometimes, but a bond brought forth in friendship lasts much longer.  

Courting is God focused. Our family tries to as God focused as we can. We are a fun family who values people and friendships. We all have ministries that we love even if the world doesn't consider them 'ministries'. We find joy in the little things in life, a walk in the park, going for a drive, eating ice cream sundaes, building with Keva Planks. We enjoy talking to each other, keeping each other with things, building each other up. We enjoy laughing and being silly. We enjoy sarcasm. We enjoy reading God's Word, church, family movies, and good books. We enjoy life without the drama.

Our family is God focused. So, beautiful young lady, if you are interested in courting our son know that my heart wants to welcome you.