Ok, so I am 38 years old. I will be 39 in November. This goes to prove you really never stop learning. If we stopped learning that would say that we know everything. Then we would be God. We are SOOOOO NOT God! Therefore we do not know everything. Therefore there is always room to learn. :o)
Ok, so what did learn? I learned that you can't please people who obviously do not want to be pleased by you. I also learned that in order to have your heart right with God you have to be willing to put things behind you. If you are always looking behind you thinking of what u was then you can't very well watch what is in front of you. You miss out on tremendous blessings that way!
Today was rough. I was trying so hard to get things scanned, emailed, printed and snail mailed out today. My printer/scanner wasn't working as fast as I wanted it too. The documents were too large to email so I had to adapt them. Then I screwed up the address on the envelope and had to rewrite it.
After that was all completed I found out that someone I know fell into some serious temptation. They felt horribly guilty and needed some comfort and wisdom. Another friend come over in tears. I felt so bad for her. Teens are difficult to raise as it is, but her struggles today were like hitting a brick wall. (((hugs))) (you know who you are. luv ya!!!) After all that we finally were able to put our house back in order and get somethings cleaned up before heading out to McD's on our way to Worship Jam at church. I expected the worship jam to go smoothly and for me to end up feeling blessed as I always do there. Apparently that was too much to expect. lol Boy does our flesh get us into trouble!!!!
At Worship Jam I was blindsided by another parent regarding something very petty in my eyes. I was hurt and let those emotions get the best of me. When I gt hurt I get angry at who hurt me, especially if this person has done this before to me. This person has hurt me in the past and they certainly know they have so my anger was getting high. I let it get like that. I felt justified. I felt I had every right to let the world know this person was self-centered.
I asked to speak to a terrific sister in the Lord about the situation. If anyone could help refocus me on Christ it was this woman. She has an amazing way of seeing the world and helping others see it through God's eyes too. So I calmed down and enjoyed the songs. When we had a snack break during the worship jam someone said something to me, in a very playful way, that was a reminder of the whole situation I had just, or thought I had, gotten past. Well, you know your heart holds onto things a lot longer then it should because I was not over the situation. The hurt and the frustration all came back. It made me cry, more out of my inability to stop feeling so hurt then out of the situation itself. I HAD to give it to Christ and leave it in His more then capable hands. That is much easier said then done though.
So now here I sit. I am thinking of the whole situation in a new light. In the light that my dear friend tried to show me when I was crying and fuming at church earlier. God's hands are stronger, larger, more gently, more protective then mine ever could be. I think he can take care of a few hurt feelings since He IS the one that created the universe with only a few small words.
After al this I see what a fool I was to let this person get under my skin. I see what a fool I was not trusting God to hold me close and love me despite what this other person thought. I see how God's loving hands are always there to help us through the struggles. I just need to start seeing myself leaning on those same loving and attentive hands.
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