A Courting Perspective

A Courting Perspective



Courtship: Do's and Don'ts?

Courtship starts with a mindset, not a list of rules of do's and don'ts. If I had to list some though it might look a little like this:

* meeting in public places or with groups of people
* limiting physical touch to minimize temptations. (some restrict to the point of only hand holding, this is a personal choice. IMO a peck on the cheek in front of others ONLY after courting for a few months is ok. Hand holding and hugging - short and sweet - are ok too after a while of courting. Neither the pec k on the cheek nor the physical contact should take focus in the relationship.)
* Alone time is minimized and family ALWAYS knows where you are going and who you are with.

As with any parenting issue open communication with parents is a must. This has to start young because by the time your child is of courting age they have already determined how they interact with you and you really cannot change that without some MAJOR work. lol

Each parent must decide for their own family what their courting rules will be. Some have the contracts that must be signed, chaperones at every meeting, no touching and so forth. For me though, I think that is a bit of over kill. When we restrict our children too much they will end up just rebelling. I have seen it happen way too often.

What is your definition of courtship?

Courtship has the end goal of marriage. Dating is enjoying each others company (may or may not include physically touch) with no real end goal but rather a "let's see where this goes" attitude. Sometimes dating leads to marriage, sometimes (more often then not) it does not lead to marriage but rather break ups, which can be very harsh - especially on young hormonal girls.

Courtship usually includes a mature perspective looking towards their own future and keeping God as their focus. It may (usually does) include the families, not just the participants in the courtship relationship. This does not mean always having a chaperone and always being surrounded by family. It means realizing that, since marriage is the end goal, one's family will be part of the relationship also.

The families' roles are not for spying or making anyone uncomfortable. They are not there to sit in between you and your date so nothing happens. They are there for guidance, protection, to help keep one from entering into a sinful act and so forth.
Courting is usually done (from what I have seen and read) in public places where the opportunities to be close and personal (intimate) are difficult to come by therefore helping to keep the participants from falling into sin. Having family around helps keep one's mind focused properly.

Courtship is a preparation for marriage, dating is not. One does not enter a courtship relationship until the two have been friends for some time and are more serious about (and mature enough for) marriage. Courtship is not entered into lightly.,

For me, the problem with dating is the emotional connection, which can (but does not always) lead to physical touch. You get attached, emotionally, to the person you are dating. When you break up those feelings do not just simply go away. You now have emotional baggage being brought into the next relationship. This can cause confusion, comparisons, uncomfortable expectations, desire to live up to those expectations that may be unrealistic and more.

When one's mind is focused on Christ courting can be a beautiful experience which brings two people together in unity. Although I did not court my husband, I wish I did. Having dated others prior to our dating (some 22 years ago) I can see now how it has affected our relationship over time. We have two sons, 20 (on Friday) and 17 years old. Neither have dated (nor really have wanted to yet) and I pray that they both choose to court instead.

Courtship: Pros and Cons?

more focused on who and why you want the relationship helps one be more selective in choosing someone to be in the relationship with. It also helps one realize the end goal is marriage so they are more mindful of sinful trappings. That is why I prefer my sons enter courting relationships and not date anyone.

Dating seems to be more emotionally charged which leads to the heart leading, not the mind leading. This can lead to temptations getting the better of a person and that person falling into sin. Since the heart and emotions take the lead in dating there is more baggage carried from one relationship to the next, even when physical intimacy has not been a concern. Just the emotions attached to the person one dated are enough to create unwelcome baggage which can (and usually does) create comparisons, higher or lower expectations of the partner or one"s self, fear of refusal, peer pressures and so forth. It can also lead to a desire to be alone more often due to the listening to hormonal urges we are all drawn to increasing risk of physical intimacy.

The only pro I can see in dating is getting to meet more people and find out what NOT to do in relationships.

Courting avoids some of the dating cons. It brings with it some wonderful pros too. It brings one focused on their future and their future relationships and long term life goals. It brings maturity and assurity, self respect and self discipline. It brings focus and accountability. More important it brings a relationship based a deeper understanding of the other person and not focused on physical desires.

It also, when trained according to the Word of God, brings a clearer understanding of Scripture as to how and why to court instead of date. 

EDIT:
Both sets of parents need to be on the same page. They both need to be committed to teaching their children about the differences and dangers of dating/courting AND they need to be committed to following through with whatever rules they set forth for their children.

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This is my perspective as Scripture teaches. If you see where I am Scripturally wrong please point it out and give me Scripture to back up your perspective. Thank you.

10 things you’ll learn homeschooling a special needs child

10 things you’ll learn homeschooling a special needs child

1.  What struggle truly means – you think it’s hard when they are babies. They may not coo or make sounds like a normal baby. They may not roll over or walk within “normal” time frames, if at all. They may have a VERY specific diet or be highly allergic. They might not be able see or hear properly. No matter what you have gone through with them before their school age years, nothing prepares you for the struggles you will face when you are teaching them their academics.

2. How tired you will be – I’m sure you have had MANY sleepless nights when they were tiny. It comes with the territory, right? By the time your child is 3ish they definitely should sleep through the night. Right? By the time they are 4 they should be able to dress themselves, feed themselves, have a conversation with you, and play with other children, right? What if that never happens? Or what if it doesn’t happen the way it “should”? Homeschooling adds to that tiredness, that pure unexplainable exhaustion. No matter how much sleep you get, you are always tired.

3. Stress builds up and up and up some days. - The stress you feel isn’t imaginary and it seems to never end. It may seem that you have a handle on your child’s needs and abilities, so why do you feel stressed? The constant worry in the back of your mind never stops. It adds to any outward pressure you feel about  your child not being able to keep up with their peers. There is always the “is everything ok?” question floating around in your brain, no matter how well your child is doing. “Did I do enough?” “Will they progress and be able to do x, y, or z?”  “Are people comparing my child to their child?” “How can I make my child ‘seem’ better so the comparison stops?” “What did the doctor say again?” Maybe I should call the doctor, therapist, specialist?” The questions never stop. They repeat themselves over and over and over. The stress can feel too much at times.

4. There is hope! – No matter if your child ever is able to live on their own, be able to work full time, or drive, it’s ok. There is hope. It may not be the hope we expect, but it’s there. Things may (or may not) get easier as time goes on but you get used to it. You find your niche and your routine. Your life will continue. Your child will grow up, in his/her own way. It’s ok. The hope is a comfort knowing that God’s in control. The hope is that no matter what, no matter the struggles, tears or discouragement, your child is doing their best and that’s all that matters. God is in control. He knows the beginning from the end and all the bumps in the road along the way. He is in control of all those bumps. He knew all of this way before it even happened. He is there for you to lean on and take refuge in. He knows your child because He made them. He knows your struggles because he knows you. Lean on Him and He will direct your paths. He will give you guidance, reassurance and peace. He will because He is God and God is hope.

5. The amount of love you have for your child will surprise you. Through struggles we see how much our love is tested. The investment we make in our children who struggle brings to light the love we have for them. Even on days when we hate our child’s behavior, when we question if we even hate our child, the love we have for them is evident. It keeps us up at night, makes us seek out every available resource and makes us get through each and every day. It shows when we reteach them the same thing for the 50h time or when we tie their shoe because they just cannot seem to learn to do it on their own. It is there without our ever realizing it. They feel it way more then we think they do, too.

6. There is NO ‘right’ curriculum – Each child is different and each hild has their own uniqueness, so it goes to reason that there is no “one size fits all” curriculum out there. Yes, of course that is goes for nuerotypical children and healthy children, but it goes more so for children with difficulties. You can look high and low for the best curriculum for your special needs child and when you get it, guess what? It will need to be adapted. Yup, all the money in the world and all the books in the world cannot automatically come customized to your child. It will need to be tweaked. Sometimes you will need to ditch it all together and find something else. That is OK! Whatever you use, ADAPT as you see fit. As long as it works for your child, that’s the important part. Some days you will need to adapt more, slow down or speed up. So feel free to do so. J It’s your homeschool, make it yours alone. J

7. Some days there will be no school. That’s ok, too. Some days you just cannot get off the couch, or your child can not handle any formal lessons. So take a breather. If taking frequent breaks doesn’t help, ditch school for the day. You might want to plan extra school days into your calendar so you have the flexibil.ity to do this. Be flexible. Go with what your child needs that day. School will still be there tomorrow, It is not going away all together; just being set aside for the moment. You have more important things to address – like the needs of your child. J Don’t feel guilty about this. Breathe, take in the moment, and cherish the time with your child. It might be that you both need that break more than you think.

8. We do know more than the doctors and school officials. We know our child.  Sure, we may not know the medical jargon at first, or what specific medicine or therapies to prescribe. BUT we know our child in a way the professionals never will. Do not be quiet and meek when it comes to standing up for the medical and academic needs of your child. They need you to stand up for them. They need you to advocate for them. For some children you are their only advocate. Speak up, stand firm in what you know they need, even if it means getting a second opinion or arguing (respectfully and politely) with the professional. Your child needs you for fight for them and their needs. Their progress will be more rewarding in ways you never dreamed. You will become the doctor. You will read more books them you ever imagined. You will research and Google everything. J In order to help your child, you will need information and you will do practically anything to get that information. There will be many long nights and early mornings researching your child’s difficulties. Don’t let all the information overwhelm you. Do not let it control you. Your child is still the same little person they were before all the research. Don’t let the research start making you see them in a different light. God made your child just the way they are, just as He designed them to be.  It’s one thing to research for information and it’s quite another to research to “fix” your child. Research all you want, just keep it all in perspective.

9. You will be lonely. When you have a child with difficulties you will lose friends. It’s not something that happens suddenly or something you will notice right way. Some people just do not know how to handle the special needs of your child or the struggles that you are facing. Some people just do not want to help as they have their own problems and yours seem a bit overwhelming. Sometimes marriages also struggle with the addition of a special needs child, even if the child is never diagnosed. The everyday pressures, difficulties, stress, tiredness, busyness all adds up and stress out relationships. Those without special needs children find it easier to live their life without special needs children. Let them. You will be better off for it. Those who stick by you will be your rock. They will help you when you need it and know when to stand back when you need space. They will be the ones you call in tears after your child has a huge meltdown. They will be the ones who call you just to say hi or send you a card in the mail. Those are the keepers. You might only have one friend like that all of your child rearing years. Cherish that one. If you have more than one you are truly blessed.

10. MOST IMPORTANTLY – I saved the best for last – GOD IS IN CONTROL!!! I’ve said this one before but is worth repeating. God made your child and your child is not a defect, or something needing fixing. Your child is a creature made by a loving, nurturing, protective God.

Psalm 139:14 (KJV)

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

John 1:3(KJV)

All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.

Camping near Chautauqua Lake - a KOA experience - Part 1

two weeks ago we had the most amazing camping trip! I was at peace and loved it! We stayed at a new campground that Mike found online. It is Chautauqua Lake KOA. It is not far from Jamestown, NY. That's about a 2 1/2 hour drive for us. If you know my husband you know he hates to drive much more than 2 hours so this was a big trip for us. We only go camping once a year so that makes this extra special as well.
Anita and Bill Perry and their grandson Elijah, owners of Chautauqua Lake KOA. We only met Anita though. 

I encourage you to check out their website! 

Chautauqua Lake KOA 

The campground was wonderful, albeit very quiet. There were not many campers; which is usually nice but this time there were far too few campers for us. It's nice to have some peace without having dead silence. lol We did camp in the middle of the week and most schools had not yet let out for the  summer.

So much to tell you all! Between the campground, the cabin, the day trip around the lake, the peace and refreshing feelings we all felt, well, I'm just not sure where to start! I guess I will start with the campground itself. It was wonderful! It might be our new favorite place to camp! (Sorry Lazy Lakes!!! We still Love you!)

As you enter the campground you see the Camp Store. This is also the office where you check in. It is a nice store with a variety of things a camper might need; foods, games, odds and ends trailer accessories, ice creams, and of course the souvenir figurines and campfire wood! They even had a few scrapbooking KOA pages and stickers!

We were surprised by how everything was so reasonably priced! Some stores try to gouge you out of every penny it seems. This store was not so as prices were comparable to big discount chain stores! The staff was helpful and friendly. They certainly made us feel welcome! Anita, one of the owners, showed us a new game the store had just gotten in. It's called S'mores.  She even asked us to play it with her! We ended up actually purchasing the game. It was fun to play!

Next was our cabin. Upon seeing it we saw that we ended up with the cabin with the larger porch area. We were very happy with that! On the porch is a gas grill. The over hang was large enough for the four of us to sit under in case of rain and still be comfortable. It looked very inviting!T hat first night it did rain WHILE we were cooking over the fire pit! More about that in part 2 though.

Inside was even better ! Now, we are used to roughing it while camping; tent, sleeping bags, no stove, air conditioning or electricity. Well, maybe a little bit of electricity - enough to run a fan and a light and such. We use a cooler for our food, charcoal for our cooking, the spigot for our water. You get the idea. In this cabin we had the refrigerator, a counter with a microwave and a coffee maker, a smaller table with 4 stools, actual beds and get this!!! AIR CONDITIONING! (And heat as it is one unit.) The best part (considering it ALWAYS rains when we camp) is it has DISH TV! At home, we do not have cable and we are not even guaranteed regular over the air tv as the weather and building structure inhibits the channels from coming in clearly. We mostly watch online and Netflix at home. Dish (or any cable) is a huge treat for us! There is even free wifi in the campground so one could check email, facebook and surf online if they desired to. We wanted to take this time to unplug from the net so we did not use a lot of that. (Just a warning though, no downloading large files as they watch for excessive bandwidth usage.) The only thing this cabin did not have is running water. That's ok though. The spigot was just outside and the bathroom was a few short steps from our door. Our cabin had two twin beds and a double (or full) sized bed. The beds were perfect sized for a traditional fitted sheet and we brought our blankets too. No sleeping bags this trip!  Daniel decided to take the top bunk for a change. At home our boys share bunks and Adam is on the top. The cabin was much larger then we had expected. If it was raining we could bring all 4 camp chairs in the cabin and sit in them while watching tv, playing a game or just chatting all while still having enough room to move around. Right away it felt like home away from home. aaaaaahhhh

Our Cabin - L02 - The Sports Den

Now outside was just as wonderful! That IS the reason we go camping. In the area we camped there are a lot of trees, a nice dirt and gravel roadway, a hiking trail and PLENTY of greenery! Towards the back of the campground the woods were far less in the camping area and some of the roadways were more dirt then gravel. Some of the amenities to entertain the campers are a swimming pool, horseshoes, funnel ball, a play ground and sand box, pedal cars, nature trail, ladder ball, indoor ping pong table, games, dvds to rent, and even a row of Adirondack chairs to enjoy sitting in while watching the sunset over the lake. The bathrooms were very clean and although the showers were on the smaller side they were not tiny. Of course there is the fire pits and what camper doesn't enjoy a roasted marshmallow or two?

It seems as though his particular campground caters mostly to the seasonal camper who leaves his or her trailer there long term and just comes down for the long weekends.  There are some tent sites and some cabins but mostly we found campers that were set up for a long term stay. Some had decks built for them and sheds to house their golf carts. All the trailers we saw were very well kept and up to date. The "yard" areas were taken care of and even had some little garden areas. The decks on some made them look like mobile homes! All in all the trailer area looked inviting also. No surprise there seeing as this camp ground seems to like to make a good impression.

We decided one day to take a scenic tour of the area. A lot of the roads we drove on were long and straight but the scenery was comforting, lot of greenery with trees and crops. We even passed a vineyard.

The drive was as enjoyable as the lake.

The local area is simply wonderful. Small towns for those beautiful scenic drives can keep you wanting more. It is not too far from Jamestown, NY so you could always make it a day trip if you like. We drove around the Chautauqua Lake one day. We stopped in a small town and found solace in the lake view. In Mayville we met the nicest people when we stopped at a little store for sweet potatoes. Although they did not have sweet potatoes we did have a nice time in town. They have this little pier, really not much of anything but it had a beautiful view of the lake. There was also Mayville Depot in town and the Chautauqua Belle steamboat, both of which were closed. 

The lake was small but beautiful and peaceful.

Too bad they were closed!

 

 

Mayville Depot was closed also but I snuck some pictures through the windows.

We saw this old abandoned radio station. 

It looked so lost out there in the open.

We really enjoyed our little camping vacation. It sure was a bit different for us and I think that made it even nicer. Our boys are growing up so fast, this maybe the last family camping trip we do. Adam is 19 and Daniel will be 17 next month. Although Adam’s maturity can be younger at times he has matured so much in the past year. I bet God’ has some wonderful plans for him in the near future!

Our camping trip was wonderful and I know we plan on returning there one day. I hope you have all enjoyed the pictures and my little story.  I have more to say but that will wait for another day and another blog post. 

Coming Soon: Part 2