Courtship: Do's and Don'ts?
Courtship starts with a mindset, not a
list of rules of do's and don'ts. If I had to list some though it
might look a little like this:
* meeting in public places or with groups of people
* limiting physical touch to minimize temptations. (some restrict to the point of only hand holding, this is a personal choice. IMO a peck on the cheek in front of others ONLY after courting for a few months is ok. Hand holding and hugging - short and sweet - are ok too after a while of courting. Neither the pec k on the cheek nor the physical contact should take focus in the relationship.)
* Alone time is minimized and family ALWAYS knows where you are going and who you are with.
As with any parenting issue open communication with parents is a must. This has to start young because by the time your child is of courting age they have already determined how they interact with you and you really cannot change that without some MAJOR work. lol
Each parent must decide for their own family what their courting rules will be. Some have the contracts that must be signed, chaperones at every meeting, no touching and so forth. For me though, I think that is a bit of over kill. When we restrict our children too much they will end up just rebelling. I have seen it happen way too often.
* meeting in public places or with groups of people
* limiting physical touch to minimize temptations. (some restrict to the point of only hand holding, this is a personal choice. IMO a peck on the cheek in front of others ONLY after courting for a few months is ok. Hand holding and hugging - short and sweet - are ok too after a while of courting. Neither the pec k on the cheek nor the physical contact should take focus in the relationship.)
* Alone time is minimized and family ALWAYS knows where you are going and who you are with.
As with any parenting issue open communication with parents is a must. This has to start young because by the time your child is of courting age they have already determined how they interact with you and you really cannot change that without some MAJOR work. lol
Each parent must decide for their own family what their courting rules will be. Some have the contracts that must be signed, chaperones at every meeting, no touching and so forth. For me though, I think that is a bit of over kill. When we restrict our children too much they will end up just rebelling. I have seen it happen way too often.
Courtship has the end goal of marriage.
Dating is enjoying each others company (may or may not include
physically touch) with no real end goal but rather a "let's see
where this goes" attitude. Sometimes dating leads to marriage,
sometimes (more often then not) it does not lead to marriage but
rather break ups, which can be very harsh - especially on young
hormonal girls.
Courtship usually includes a mature perspective looking towards their own future and keeping God as their focus. It may (usually does) include the families, not just the participants in the courtship relationship. This does not mean always having a chaperone and always being surrounded by family. It means realizing that, since marriage is the end goal, one's family will be part of the relationship also.
The families' roles are not for spying or making anyone uncomfortable. They are not there to sit in between you and your date so nothing happens. They are there for guidance, protection, to help keep one from entering into a sinful act and so forth.
Courting is usually done (from what I have seen and read) in public places where the opportunities to be close and personal (intimate) are difficult to come by therefore helping to keep the participants from falling into sin. Having family around helps keep one's mind focused properly.
Courtship is a preparation for marriage, dating is not. One does not enter a courtship relationship until the two have been friends for some time and are more serious about (and mature enough for) marriage. Courtship is not entered into lightly.,
For me, the problem with dating is the emotional connection, which can (but does not always) lead to physical touch. You get attached, emotionally, to the person you are dating. When you break up those feelings do not just simply go away. You now have emotional baggage being brought into the next relationship. This can cause confusion, comparisons, uncomfortable expectations, desire to live up to those expectations that may be unrealistic and more.
When one's mind is focused on Christ courting can be a beautiful experience which brings two people together in unity. Although I did not court my husband, I wish I did. Having dated others prior to our dating (some 22 years ago) I can see now how it has affected our relationship over time. We have two sons, 20 (on Friday) and 17 years old. Neither have dated (nor really have wanted to yet) and I pray that they both choose to court instead.
Courtship usually includes a mature perspective looking towards their own future and keeping God as their focus. It may (usually does) include the families, not just the participants in the courtship relationship. This does not mean always having a chaperone and always being surrounded by family. It means realizing that, since marriage is the end goal, one's family will be part of the relationship also.
The families' roles are not for spying or making anyone uncomfortable. They are not there to sit in between you and your date so nothing happens. They are there for guidance, protection, to help keep one from entering into a sinful act and so forth.
Courting is usually done (from what I have seen and read) in public places where the opportunities to be close and personal (intimate) are difficult to come by therefore helping to keep the participants from falling into sin. Having family around helps keep one's mind focused properly.
Courtship is a preparation for marriage, dating is not. One does not enter a courtship relationship until the two have been friends for some time and are more serious about (and mature enough for) marriage. Courtship is not entered into lightly.,
For me, the problem with dating is the emotional connection, which can (but does not always) lead to physical touch. You get attached, emotionally, to the person you are dating. When you break up those feelings do not just simply go away. You now have emotional baggage being brought into the next relationship. This can cause confusion, comparisons, uncomfortable expectations, desire to live up to those expectations that may be unrealistic and more.
When one's mind is focused on Christ courting can be a beautiful experience which brings two people together in unity. Although I did not court my husband, I wish I did. Having dated others prior to our dating (some 22 years ago) I can see now how it has affected our relationship over time. We have two sons, 20 (on Friday) and 17 years old. Neither have dated (nor really have wanted to yet) and I pray that they both choose to court instead.
more focused on who and why you want
the relationship helps one be more selective in choosing someone to
be in the relationship with. It also helps one realize the end goal
is marriage so they are more mindful of sinful trappings. That is why
I prefer my sons enter courting relationships and not date anyone.
Dating seems to be more emotionally
charged which leads to the heart leading, not the mind leading. This
can lead to temptations getting the better of a person and that
person falling into sin. Since the heart and emotions take the lead
in dating there is more baggage carried from one relationship to the
next, even when physical intimacy has not been a concern. Just the
emotions attached to the person one dated are enough to create
unwelcome baggage which can (and usually does) create comparisons,
higher or lower expectations of the partner or one"s self, fear
of refusal, peer pressures and so forth. It can also lead to a desire
to be alone more often due to the listening to hormonal urges we are
all drawn to increasing risk of physical intimacy.
The only pro I can see in dating is
getting to meet more people and find out what NOT to do in
relationships.
Courting avoids some of the dating
cons. It brings with it some wonderful pros too. It brings one
focused on their future and their future relationships and long term
life goals. It brings maturity and assurity, self respect and self
discipline. It brings focus and accountability. More important it
brings a relationship based a deeper understanding of the other
person and not focused on physical desires.
It also, when trained according to the
Word of God, brings a clearer understanding of Scripture as to how
and why to court instead of date.
EDIT:
Both sets of parents need to be on the same page. They both need to be committed to teaching their children about the differences and dangers of dating/courting AND they need to be committed to following through with whatever rules they set forth for their children.
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This is my perspective as Scripture teaches. If you see where I am Scripturally wrong please point it out and give me Scripture to back up your perspective. Thank you.
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