A Courting Perspective

A Courting Perspective



Courtship: Do's and Don'ts?

Courtship starts with a mindset, not a list of rules of do's and don'ts. If I had to list some though it might look a little like this:

* meeting in public places or with groups of people
* limiting physical touch to minimize temptations. (some restrict to the point of only hand holding, this is a personal choice. IMO a peck on the cheek in front of others ONLY after courting for a few months is ok. Hand holding and hugging - short and sweet - are ok too after a while of courting. Neither the pec k on the cheek nor the physical contact should take focus in the relationship.)
* Alone time is minimized and family ALWAYS knows where you are going and who you are with.

As with any parenting issue open communication with parents is a must. This has to start young because by the time your child is of courting age they have already determined how they interact with you and you really cannot change that without some MAJOR work. lol

Each parent must decide for their own family what their courting rules will be. Some have the contracts that must be signed, chaperones at every meeting, no touching and so forth. For me though, I think that is a bit of over kill. When we restrict our children too much they will end up just rebelling. I have seen it happen way too often.

What is your definition of courtship?

Courtship has the end goal of marriage. Dating is enjoying each others company (may or may not include physically touch) with no real end goal but rather a "let's see where this goes" attitude. Sometimes dating leads to marriage, sometimes (more often then not) it does not lead to marriage but rather break ups, which can be very harsh - especially on young hormonal girls.

Courtship usually includes a mature perspective looking towards their own future and keeping God as their focus. It may (usually does) include the families, not just the participants in the courtship relationship. This does not mean always having a chaperone and always being surrounded by family. It means realizing that, since marriage is the end goal, one's family will be part of the relationship also.

The families' roles are not for spying or making anyone uncomfortable. They are not there to sit in between you and your date so nothing happens. They are there for guidance, protection, to help keep one from entering into a sinful act and so forth.
Courting is usually done (from what I have seen and read) in public places where the opportunities to be close and personal (intimate) are difficult to come by therefore helping to keep the participants from falling into sin. Having family around helps keep one's mind focused properly.

Courtship is a preparation for marriage, dating is not. One does not enter a courtship relationship until the two have been friends for some time and are more serious about (and mature enough for) marriage. Courtship is not entered into lightly.,

For me, the problem with dating is the emotional connection, which can (but does not always) lead to physical touch. You get attached, emotionally, to the person you are dating. When you break up those feelings do not just simply go away. You now have emotional baggage being brought into the next relationship. This can cause confusion, comparisons, uncomfortable expectations, desire to live up to those expectations that may be unrealistic and more.

When one's mind is focused on Christ courting can be a beautiful experience which brings two people together in unity. Although I did not court my husband, I wish I did. Having dated others prior to our dating (some 22 years ago) I can see now how it has affected our relationship over time. We have two sons, 20 (on Friday) and 17 years old. Neither have dated (nor really have wanted to yet) and I pray that they both choose to court instead.

Courtship: Pros and Cons?

more focused on who and why you want the relationship helps one be more selective in choosing someone to be in the relationship with. It also helps one realize the end goal is marriage so they are more mindful of sinful trappings. That is why I prefer my sons enter courting relationships and not date anyone.

Dating seems to be more emotionally charged which leads to the heart leading, not the mind leading. This can lead to temptations getting the better of a person and that person falling into sin. Since the heart and emotions take the lead in dating there is more baggage carried from one relationship to the next, even when physical intimacy has not been a concern. Just the emotions attached to the person one dated are enough to create unwelcome baggage which can (and usually does) create comparisons, higher or lower expectations of the partner or one"s self, fear of refusal, peer pressures and so forth. It can also lead to a desire to be alone more often due to the listening to hormonal urges we are all drawn to increasing risk of physical intimacy.

The only pro I can see in dating is getting to meet more people and find out what NOT to do in relationships.

Courting avoids some of the dating cons. It brings with it some wonderful pros too. It brings one focused on their future and their future relationships and long term life goals. It brings maturity and assurity, self respect and self discipline. It brings focus and accountability. More important it brings a relationship based a deeper understanding of the other person and not focused on physical desires.

It also, when trained according to the Word of God, brings a clearer understanding of Scripture as to how and why to court instead of date. 

EDIT:
Both sets of parents need to be on the same page. They both need to be committed to teaching their children about the differences and dangers of dating/courting AND they need to be committed to following through with whatever rules they set forth for their children.

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This is my perspective as Scripture teaches. If you see where I am Scripturally wrong please point it out and give me Scripture to back up your perspective. Thank you.

Is homeschooling really a choice?

Homeschooling...

To some it's a choice. To some it's most certainly is not a choice at all. Some know right from the birth of their child that there is never really a choice IF they homeschool. To them it's a given that they will. To some, homeschooling may not even be a thought. The idea of not putting one's child in school is preposterous. Every child goes to school, right? I mean, who would want to have their child home all day, every day?

If children were homeschooled would they even listen to your instruction? How would you control them? How would they learn anything valuable? Wouldn't it badly affect their future? Would they ever be able to go to college or get a good job?

If you have special needs children there must be no way you could ever homeschool them, right? How would that work? They need so much help. There is no way you can provide all they nee, right?

If I homeschooled my children would they ever have friends? Would they graduate high school? How would that affect them emotionally? Socially? Academically?

To me, it never was a choice. I was certain I would homeschool my children for all of their educational years. My husband thought we would only homeschool until 3rd grade. We ended up homeschooling from 2000 until 2006 then again 2009 until the present. We did put our children in public school for a bit and it was clearly a mistake to me. My husband thinks it was a lesson learned for both ourselves and our children.

Anyhow, it was a time I regret. This post is not about that though. This post is about how any one can homeschool and how everyone should.

 You CAN homeschool. Anyone CAN homeschool. It only takes commitment. It requires nothing else.

Are you committed to your child's well being? Are you committed to helping them be a productive person in society? Are you committed to teaching them the ways of the Lord as the Bible describes? Then you MUST  homeschool. It's the only way to ensure that your child will be the best they can be and that you have done everything to help them be that person.

As a believer, follower and acceptor of Jesus Christ can you honestly say you are doing everything possible for your child and still put them in public school? I cannot. My thoughts are simple. I'll state them in bullet points for you. These are strictly from a Christian born again perspective.

1 - If I am to the be the guiding force in my child's life, leading them to God's righteousness and ultimately to His gift of salvation, how can I do that while sending them away 8 hours a day?

2 - God instructs us to train up our children in the way of the Lord. How can I do that if I have no control over them for 8 hours a day?

3 - What influences are coming into my child's mind?

4 - Who are his friends and what are they talking about, watching, doing? How much of the world is being pressed on my child by his or her peers?

5 - What is the teacher teaching? What books are being read in class? What is being discussed and from what perspective?

6 - How much of what is influencing my child is pushing God out of the picture?

If I were to come from a non Christian perspective I might think things like how best might my child learn? Are they falling through the cracks of academic success? Might they learn better if they learn at their own pace? Might they be able to explore academic areas beyond those in the school? Or be able to delve more deeply into areas of interest? Is my child being held back; socially, academically, emotionally?

What can I do about those things? How best can I help my child be the person they are destined to be? How can I help my child be best they can be?

Homeschooling isn't seclusion. It isn't socially inept children. It is not public schooling at home. It is so much more!

It is about learning and loving to learn. It is about exploring and creating and broadening our horizons. It's about bringing the world in and learning about all it's facets. Using moments to teach not just text books. It's about living life.

I encourage every parent to homeschool. I encourage every parent to at least explore the idea - mull it over, process it, delve into the idea... see what it's outcome might be. Consider it before jumping to a conclusion that it's only right wing radical's who homeschool.Just don't, please don't dismiss it before considering it. Your child's life is at stake.