10 things you’ll learn homeschooling a special needs child

10 things you’ll learn homeschooling a special needs child

1.  What struggle truly means – you think it’s hard when they are babies. They may not coo or make sounds like a normal baby. They may not roll over or walk within “normal” time frames, if at all. They may have a VERY specific diet or be highly allergic. They might not be able see or hear properly. No matter what you have gone through with them before their school age years, nothing prepares you for the struggles you will face when you are teaching them their academics.

2. How tired you will be – I’m sure you have had MANY sleepless nights when they were tiny. It comes with the territory, right? By the time your child is 3ish they definitely should sleep through the night. Right? By the time they are 4 they should be able to dress themselves, feed themselves, have a conversation with you, and play with other children, right? What if that never happens? Or what if it doesn’t happen the way it “should”? Homeschooling adds to that tiredness, that pure unexplainable exhaustion. No matter how much sleep you get, you are always tired.

3. Stress builds up and up and up some days. - The stress you feel isn’t imaginary and it seems to never end. It may seem that you have a handle on your child’s needs and abilities, so why do you feel stressed? The constant worry in the back of your mind never stops. It adds to any outward pressure you feel about  your child not being able to keep up with their peers. There is always the “is everything ok?” question floating around in your brain, no matter how well your child is doing. “Did I do enough?” “Will they progress and be able to do x, y, or z?”  “Are people comparing my child to their child?” “How can I make my child ‘seem’ better so the comparison stops?” “What did the doctor say again?” Maybe I should call the doctor, therapist, specialist?” The questions never stop. They repeat themselves over and over and over. The stress can feel too much at times.

4. There is hope! – No matter if your child ever is able to live on their own, be able to work full time, or drive, it’s ok. There is hope. It may not be the hope we expect, but it’s there. Things may (or may not) get easier as time goes on but you get used to it. You find your niche and your routine. Your life will continue. Your child will grow up, in his/her own way. It’s ok. The hope is a comfort knowing that God’s in control. The hope is that no matter what, no matter the struggles, tears or discouragement, your child is doing their best and that’s all that matters. God is in control. He knows the beginning from the end and all the bumps in the road along the way. He is in control of all those bumps. He knew all of this way before it even happened. He is there for you to lean on and take refuge in. He knows your child because He made them. He knows your struggles because he knows you. Lean on Him and He will direct your paths. He will give you guidance, reassurance and peace. He will because He is God and God is hope.

5. The amount of love you have for your child will surprise you. Through struggles we see how much our love is tested. The investment we make in our children who struggle brings to light the love we have for them. Even on days when we hate our child’s behavior, when we question if we even hate our child, the love we have for them is evident. It keeps us up at night, makes us seek out every available resource and makes us get through each and every day. It shows when we reteach them the same thing for the 50h time or when we tie their shoe because they just cannot seem to learn to do it on their own. It is there without our ever realizing it. They feel it way more then we think they do, too.

6. There is NO ‘right’ curriculum – Each child is different and each hild has their own uniqueness, so it goes to reason that there is no “one size fits all” curriculum out there. Yes, of course that is goes for nuerotypical children and healthy children, but it goes more so for children with difficulties. You can look high and low for the best curriculum for your special needs child and when you get it, guess what? It will need to be adapted. Yup, all the money in the world and all the books in the world cannot automatically come customized to your child. It will need to be tweaked. Sometimes you will need to ditch it all together and find something else. That is OK! Whatever you use, ADAPT as you see fit. As long as it works for your child, that’s the important part. Some days you will need to adapt more, slow down or speed up. So feel free to do so. J It’s your homeschool, make it yours alone. J

7. Some days there will be no school. That’s ok, too. Some days you just cannot get off the couch, or your child can not handle any formal lessons. So take a breather. If taking frequent breaks doesn’t help, ditch school for the day. You might want to plan extra school days into your calendar so you have the flexibil.ity to do this. Be flexible. Go with what your child needs that day. School will still be there tomorrow, It is not going away all together; just being set aside for the moment. You have more important things to address – like the needs of your child. J Don’t feel guilty about this. Breathe, take in the moment, and cherish the time with your child. It might be that you both need that break more than you think.

8. We do know more than the doctors and school officials. We know our child.  Sure, we may not know the medical jargon at first, or what specific medicine or therapies to prescribe. BUT we know our child in a way the professionals never will. Do not be quiet and meek when it comes to standing up for the medical and academic needs of your child. They need you to stand up for them. They need you to advocate for them. For some children you are their only advocate. Speak up, stand firm in what you know they need, even if it means getting a second opinion or arguing (respectfully and politely) with the professional. Your child needs you for fight for them and their needs. Their progress will be more rewarding in ways you never dreamed. You will become the doctor. You will read more books them you ever imagined. You will research and Google everything. J In order to help your child, you will need information and you will do practically anything to get that information. There will be many long nights and early mornings researching your child’s difficulties. Don’t let all the information overwhelm you. Do not let it control you. Your child is still the same little person they were before all the research. Don’t let the research start making you see them in a different light. God made your child just the way they are, just as He designed them to be.  It’s one thing to research for information and it’s quite another to research to “fix” your child. Research all you want, just keep it all in perspective.

9. You will be lonely. When you have a child with difficulties you will lose friends. It’s not something that happens suddenly or something you will notice right way. Some people just do not know how to handle the special needs of your child or the struggles that you are facing. Some people just do not want to help as they have their own problems and yours seem a bit overwhelming. Sometimes marriages also struggle with the addition of a special needs child, even if the child is never diagnosed. The everyday pressures, difficulties, stress, tiredness, busyness all adds up and stress out relationships. Those without special needs children find it easier to live their life without special needs children. Let them. You will be better off for it. Those who stick by you will be your rock. They will help you when you need it and know when to stand back when you need space. They will be the ones you call in tears after your child has a huge meltdown. They will be the ones who call you just to say hi or send you a card in the mail. Those are the keepers. You might only have one friend like that all of your child rearing years. Cherish that one. If you have more than one you are truly blessed.

10. MOST IMPORTANTLY – I saved the best for last – GOD IS IN CONTROL!!! I’ve said this one before but is worth repeating. God made your child and your child is not a defect, or something needing fixing. Your child is a creature made by a loving, nurturing, protective God.

Psalm 139:14 (KJV)

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

John 1:3(KJV)

All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.