worried sick

Literally.

Have you ever worried so much that it physically maked you sick? Well, that is what is happening here. I am actually sick, so is Adam. Ok so we are not horribly sick but mildly so, with actual viruses or germs of some sort. We have been for a bit now. I have a mild sore throat and a very mildly sore ear. Adam has the tail end of a cold. Daniel seems to be feeling just fine. Mike however, was perfectly fine until he heard news of his grandfather being admitted to the hospital agian. His grandfather is 93 and unsaved.

You see, it is totally human and normal to worry about those we love. When things are beyond our control we tend to worry about the outcome. For Mike though, he is not normal. lol I mean that in the nicest, most loving way possible, just to inform you. My husband is an Aspie, meaning he has Asperger's Syndrome. He is mildly affected but still has a lot of issues with handling and experiencing emotions. We have been married for 16 years now and he has only cried one time since I met him 18 years ago. He usually closes off any emotions he might have because he doesn't understand them and then make him feel uncomfortable. (Aspies tend to do that.) he is terrific (not in a good way) at compartmentalizing his feelings and explaining, logically, why he shouldn't and doesn't feel a certain way. He is very logical and it bugs me sometimes! lol

Ok, so what does Mike being an Aspie have to do with getting sick? Well, let me tell you that the mind is a confusing thing. One can actually make themselves sick with worry and anxiety. Mike wasn't sick before hearing the news of his grandfather's condition, which I will tell you later in this post. He only started feeling off AFTER I told him the news, then even worse when he couldn't meet up with his mom at the hospital this evening. All night he has felt "off" he says, sort of dizzy but not exactly, not actually "sick" but certainly not well either.

What do I mean by being sick? Well his stomach is off and he has little appetite. He feels a bit might headed and slightly dizzy. By the time he went to bed (about a half hour ago) he was feeling worse then he did when he arrived home. I know most of you probably think I am blowing things out of proportion and seeing things that are not there. I am not. I know my husband. This has happened many times before. Some might say it it can be easily rectified by giving it to God and I would totally agree with you. It is a very hard thing to do. It is. I know. Mike's anxiety, and feeling out of control makes his anxieties worse, has made his feel off more times then I can count. Usually it only lasts a short while, a day or two. I pray that is the case this time.

Anyhow, Mike's grandfather, Mark, was having chest pains all last week and the doctor did some tests on his heart. His medicine was adjusted on Friday and he was sent home. Then earlier today he started having really bad chest pains again. He called 911 and was taken to the ER where he was found to have had a heart attack. During an angioplasty surgery 2 small blockages were found in an area that cannot be reached and his stint, which was placed two years ago, had collapsed. They reopened the stint. After surgery he was experiencing even more pain and the doctor's were worried. Mark went in for a second surgery where more work was done on his heart. He is now recovering slowly in the hospital. His heart is in bad condition as it is and his kidneys are barely working. The tests and the surgeries have made both those issues worse. The next 24 hours are critical for his health, and more so for his salvation.

This is where all the worry and feeling sick comes in. Mark is not saved. I love the man very much so. I have never really known my own grandfather and over the years I have gotten very close to Mike's grandfather, Mark. He is knowledgeable and smart. He is funny and enjoyable to talk to. He cares about those he loves very much. He wants to see nothing but the best for his family and friends. He is a self made man. He started his own business and did very well for himself over the years. His knowledge has helped him acquire a lot in this world, tangible things and not so tangible things. He feels he does not need salvation. He has been a good enough person. But oh how he is wrong!!!!!! Even the best person in the world is still a sinner. He will not listen to us about salvation and when God is brought up (as it usually is with us) he shuts down and changes the subject. He is a stubborn, old, catholic, Italian man who is very prideful but we do love him so.

None of us are perfect, especially me. I am not here to condemn the man just to point out his refusal for salvation. This is what is making Mike sick. He is worried more about Mark's salvation and eternal resting place, then he is about whether or not Mark makes it through this ordeal alive.

My husband has a huge heart. He is caring, loving and attentive. He just doesn't always know how to show it but it's there. I wish I could make him feel better. I wish I could take this worry away from him. I wish, I pray Mark would get saved. To see him know the Lord like we do, better then us, would be the most wonderful thing we could experience right now.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings and my venting. I sit here teary eyed and quietly praying for hte soul of a man that I love very much. Pleae, if you think of it will you pray for him too? Thank you