I know that this is a copy of the note I put up on facebook but I thougth it would be good to post it here too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLJis6ZKRJE
When I was little my sister made this poem up. I have never forgotten it. It still brings joy to my heart.
God is love, that love surrounds us
In His love I safely dwell
'Tis above beneath around us
God is love and all is well.
*****************************************************
Tonight I heard this song on the radio and I thought of my sister's poem.
This song is from JJ Heller:
Love Me
He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, "Dear God won't you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?"
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman whose husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would've stayed
And she says... who'll love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
'Cause nobody has shown me what love,
what love really means
He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
"Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home"
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said...
"I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen, I'll tell you that I..."
I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew
Today on my way home from Bible Study I heard this song on the radio. I have heard it plenty of times before and each time it breaks my heart. I feel like the people this song is singing about. Well, I used to be like them, but with Christ, I feel whole.... :o)
When the song was over I turned off the radio and prayed, thanking God for who He is and who He has made me become. Then this poem came to mind. so before I forgot it I wrote it down as soon as I got home. I hope you enjoy it.
A Broken Heart Anew
You took me out of mother's beating hands
You took me out of my life of despair
You took my heart, its pieces all apart
You took it in your hands made it like brand new
You took me in your arms made me feel the love from you
There is nothing I can do to make that up to you
So I accept your loving gift and keep it treasured in my soul
Thanking you always for making me whole
God's goal for you in life.
Life goes on, move with it
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
my anger.....
Tonight I am angry. Why? Could it be the teens that are bugging the neighborhood? Or how about the lady that condemned me on facebook? Or even my children that have questioned me at every step today? Nope, none of those things are making me angry.
Today I am angry at myself. why? Well, lately there has been a whole lot of stress on my plate. I have been dealing with it on my own, with the help of some wonderful friends who have let me vent to them. So, since I have "reasons" to be angry at the things that are going on why am I angry at myself? Did you notice that I put the word reasons in quotations? There is a method to my madness. lol
So I have reasons to be angry, so what! Does that give me the right to take that stress on everyone else? NO! Does that give me the right to complain and vent to my friends? NO! Does it give me the right to be self-centered? (Well, I have had a rough day so that is why I am grumpy.) NO! Just because I have a reason to have those feelings I do not have to have them. I could go to God. I could give those feelings to Him. I could, but I didn't, until just now.
UGH!!!! Now I am angry at myself for not going to God lie I should have in the first place. But if there is one thing I have learned over the years I have been alive, it is not to dwell on the has beens and could haves; not to dwell on what should have been done or where I went wrong. You cannot change the past.
So right now, this second I pray that God corrects my selfish dirty heart. No matter how people treat me or how many bad things happen to me and my family, I have no write to complain or be grumpy. God has given me life! LIFE!!!!! Life beyond this Earthly body. He has given me ETERNAL LIFE! all for FREE
God is good and I am sorry. :o( I know He forgives me for my actions and my lack of actions. He is always there to hold me tight and make me feel better.
So, I thank you God for holding me tight and comforting me. I thank you for providing a way, through the shed blood of Jesus Christ, for me to spend eternity with you. I love you because you first loved me.
Today I am angry at myself. why? Well, lately there has been a whole lot of stress on my plate. I have been dealing with it on my own, with the help of some wonderful friends who have let me vent to them. So, since I have "reasons" to be angry at the things that are going on why am I angry at myself? Did you notice that I put the word reasons in quotations? There is a method to my madness. lol
So I have reasons to be angry, so what! Does that give me the right to take that stress on everyone else? NO! Does that give me the right to complain and vent to my friends? NO! Does it give me the right to be self-centered? (Well, I have had a rough day so that is why I am grumpy.) NO! Just because I have a reason to have those feelings I do not have to have them. I could go to God. I could give those feelings to Him. I could, but I didn't, until just now.
UGH!!!! Now I am angry at myself for not going to God lie I should have in the first place. But if there is one thing I have learned over the years I have been alive, it is not to dwell on the has beens and could haves; not to dwell on what should have been done or where I went wrong. You cannot change the past.
So right now, this second I pray that God corrects my selfish dirty heart. No matter how people treat me or how many bad things happen to me and my family, I have no write to complain or be grumpy. God has given me life! LIFE!!!!! Life beyond this Earthly body. He has given me ETERNAL LIFE! all for FREE
God is good and I am sorry. :o( I know He forgives me for my actions and my lack of actions. He is always there to hold me tight and make me feel better.
So, I thank you God for holding me tight and comforting me. I thank you for providing a way, through the shed blood of Jesus Christ, for me to spend eternity with you. I love you because you first loved me.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
wishing
Right now I am wishing my heart away. There are so many things that I wish were better then they are. Family, schooling, health, life. Ok, so that is really vague. lol I know. I'll try to be a bit more specific.
I wish:
I knew what was going on with Grandpa Mark.
I knew how to motivate my kids to do chores without being badgered.
That the house would get clean on it's own.
That emotions wouldn't be swayed from one extreme to the other so quickly.
That family members would communicate civilly with each other and at least attempt to have some sort of relationship.
I could sit here and be held by my husband watching a sweet movie together.
Ok, so there is my pity party, all done now. lol
I know that there isn't anything I can do about someone's salvation as long as I have witnessed to them, lived my life as Christ would and keep that person in prayer. Their salvation is their responsibility.
I know that teens are inherently lazy, especially boys. They are also oblivious to seeing messes and things that need to be straightened up.
I know for a fact that the house does not clean itself up. There are no cleaning fairies that come out while we are all sleeping and clean the place from top to bottom. Cleaning is my job and do it I must sooner or later.
Emotions are like roller coasters. You never know when they will spin you in circles or plunge you into the dark. The only thing you can do is hold on tight and go for the ride. Wearing the seat belt (Jesus Christ) keeps you place so when things even out you are still sitting comfortably. During the ride though try to keep some order of control over them, as best you can and remember, they do not define you or the situation.
Again, I know that I can not control other people's actions. Just like salvation, other people are responsible for their own attitudes towards their family members. The only thing we can do is be true to who God has made us become. Act like Christ wants us to act and treat those family member's just as you would treat those who love you as much as you love them.
Tonight is Wednesday night so it's Bible Study night. I have to drive Jen and I to church and back again. So the movie will have to wait for another night.
What I know most of all is that Christ loves us so much that He gave His life, knowing full well the whole time, that he would be beaten beyond recognition, tortured by many people, mocked horribly, nailed to a piece of wood, hung up to die and then buried in a grave. He did all this also full well knowing that He didn't have to give his life up. He is God Almighty, He could wish people to bow to Him, he could kill those who won't instantaneously, he could have legions of angels come and take him off that cross and heal His every wound. He did not have to come to the Earth, this creation of His, just to give us a way to once again be with Him for eternity.
But He did.
He did all that because He loves me. He love you. He loves us. His love is so vast and so strong tat we can't even begin to understand it's complexity and it's depth. But it is at the same it is so simple a child can grasp it.
He died, willingly, put his life on the line, so that we may have an opportunity to be with Him for eternity. That I cannot even begin to say thank you for. No one can. The only thing we can do, all He wants us to do, is to live as he lived, full of love, compassion, understanding, and to be true. While doing all those things do not give into the world's view of how things should be. Be in the world but not part of the world.
So, that is my goal today, to be His light. I pray (very deeply pray) that I will be able to do just that.
I wish:
I knew what was going on with Grandpa Mark.
I knew how to motivate my kids to do chores without being badgered.
That the house would get clean on it's own.
That emotions wouldn't be swayed from one extreme to the other so quickly.
That family members would communicate civilly with each other and at least attempt to have some sort of relationship.
I could sit here and be held by my husband watching a sweet movie together.
Ok, so there is my pity party, all done now. lol
I know that there isn't anything I can do about someone's salvation as long as I have witnessed to them, lived my life as Christ would and keep that person in prayer. Their salvation is their responsibility.
I know that teens are inherently lazy, especially boys. They are also oblivious to seeing messes and things that need to be straightened up.
I know for a fact that the house does not clean itself up. There are no cleaning fairies that come out while we are all sleeping and clean the place from top to bottom. Cleaning is my job and do it I must sooner or later.
Emotions are like roller coasters. You never know when they will spin you in circles or plunge you into the dark. The only thing you can do is hold on tight and go for the ride. Wearing the seat belt (Jesus Christ) keeps you place so when things even out you are still sitting comfortably. During the ride though try to keep some order of control over them, as best you can and remember, they do not define you or the situation.
Again, I know that I can not control other people's actions. Just like salvation, other people are responsible for their own attitudes towards their family members. The only thing we can do is be true to who God has made us become. Act like Christ wants us to act and treat those family member's just as you would treat those who love you as much as you love them.
Tonight is Wednesday night so it's Bible Study night. I have to drive Jen and I to church and back again. So the movie will have to wait for another night.
What I know most of all is that Christ loves us so much that He gave His life, knowing full well the whole time, that he would be beaten beyond recognition, tortured by many people, mocked horribly, nailed to a piece of wood, hung up to die and then buried in a grave. He did all this also full well knowing that He didn't have to give his life up. He is God Almighty, He could wish people to bow to Him, he could kill those who won't instantaneously, he could have legions of angels come and take him off that cross and heal His every wound. He did not have to come to the Earth, this creation of His, just to give us a way to once again be with Him for eternity.
But He did.
He did all that because He loves me. He love you. He loves us. His love is so vast and so strong tat we can't even begin to understand it's complexity and it's depth. But it is at the same it is so simple a child can grasp it.
He died, willingly, put his life on the line, so that we may have an opportunity to be with Him for eternity. That I cannot even begin to say thank you for. No one can. The only thing we can do, all He wants us to do, is to live as he lived, full of love, compassion, understanding, and to be true. While doing all those things do not give into the world's view of how things should be. Be in the world but not part of the world.
So, that is my goal today, to be His light. I pray (very deeply pray) that I will be able to do just that.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
standing firm, getting filled
Today is a blah day. Today Adam woke up and then threw up. UGH!!!! So, I stay home. That is ok with me I guess because I still don't feel the greatest. I really wish I felt better.
Today, I received a terrific private message on my Facebook page that was very encouraging. It is helping me stand firm on my faith, not that I was not firm already, mind you. It's just that some days I feel lost. It's sort of like why am I here? or why continue to try to get people to see that there is a huge bus coming really fast getting ready to plow those who don't believe in Christ down when no one seems to listen anyway? Then, today I get this nice sweet encouraging message. It was very uplifting.... So you know how you are and I thank you very much.
Sickness has been going around in our house for sometime now. I wish that all the germies would just go away. I hate being sick. Being sick reminds me of just how frail our human bodies are, physically and spiritually. It's the spiritual part that is bothering me the most lately. I just wish people would wake up. I wish people would see that the human race sucks. I wish that people would see that only life with God can fill us. We have become such a hedonistic society. It is very discouraging.
Hedonism is a school of thought which argues that pleasure is the only intrinsic good according to wikipedia.com. A hedonist is a person whose life is devoted to the pursuit of pleasure and self-gratification.
Well, that just about describes most of the people I know, even the Christian ones. Even myself at times. I find it sad that in our culture, in the US, people strive to have a better life by acquiring more stuff hoping it will fulfill in them the desires that they have. After all is said and done there is still this empty hole inside of us yearning to be filled. Nothing we do, or buy, or say, or get is able to fill that hole. Only one thing and one thing only ca fill that void, that hole, that abyss.
I know you are all thinking oh here we go again but it is so true!!! I have lived 36 years on this Earth. 7 of those years were in pain and fear, living with my biological parents being beaten and abused more way then you can imagine. 14 years I was in a foster home with a loving Christian family. 16 years (almost 17) have been with my wonderful husband. In all that time I have searched for a way to fill that void. Some days that void is full to the brim, other days it feels as though it will never be full. On the days that I feel it full to the brim are the days that I trust in the Lord, days that I relinquish my own desires and make His desires mine. On the days that it seems like it will never be full are the days that rely on my own strength and my own decision making. These days are the ones that I tend me be more depressed and more easily upset and moody. On the days that I am trusting in Him I feel a weight lifted off of me, at least to some degree.
You see, so for me it has held true, always has and always will, that trusting on the Lord, God Almighty, is not only holding my hand as I walk through life, he is carrying me when I can no longer stand.
Only God has been able to fill the void, that hole that abyss in my life. Only God ever can. I have learned that nothing I do will ever fill that void. I have learned that being hedonistic only digs that void deeper. I have done a lot of screwed up things in my life. I have seen others do messed up things in their life, too. Coming to the saving grace of our Lord Jesus is the only thing that can ever fill that void. I hve never found anything that comes close to His power and love.
I know I am babbling today. my mind is wandering a lot it seems. I pray you all have a terrifically blessed day and May you always rely in the salvation of our Lord and Saviour to help hold you strong and walking in His light. :o)
Today, I received a terrific private message on my Facebook page that was very encouraging. It is helping me stand firm on my faith, not that I was not firm already, mind you. It's just that some days I feel lost. It's sort of like why am I here? or why continue to try to get people to see that there is a huge bus coming really fast getting ready to plow those who don't believe in Christ down when no one seems to listen anyway? Then, today I get this nice sweet encouraging message. It was very uplifting.... So you know how you are and I thank you very much.
Sickness has been going around in our house for sometime now. I wish that all the germies would just go away. I hate being sick. Being sick reminds me of just how frail our human bodies are, physically and spiritually. It's the spiritual part that is bothering me the most lately. I just wish people would wake up. I wish people would see that the human race sucks. I wish that people would see that only life with God can fill us. We have become such a hedonistic society. It is very discouraging.
Hedonism is a school of thought which argues that pleasure is the only intrinsic good according to wikipedia.com. A hedonist is a person whose life is devoted to the pursuit of pleasure and self-gratification.
Well, that just about describes most of the people I know, even the Christian ones. Even myself at times. I find it sad that in our culture, in the US, people strive to have a better life by acquiring more stuff hoping it will fulfill in them the desires that they have. After all is said and done there is still this empty hole inside of us yearning to be filled. Nothing we do, or buy, or say, or get is able to fill that hole. Only one thing and one thing only ca fill that void, that hole, that abyss.
I know you are all thinking oh here we go again but it is so true!!! I have lived 36 years on this Earth. 7 of those years were in pain and fear, living with my biological parents being beaten and abused more way then you can imagine. 14 years I was in a foster home with a loving Christian family. 16 years (almost 17) have been with my wonderful husband. In all that time I have searched for a way to fill that void. Some days that void is full to the brim, other days it feels as though it will never be full. On the days that I feel it full to the brim are the days that I trust in the Lord, days that I relinquish my own desires and make His desires mine. On the days that it seems like it will never be full are the days that rely on my own strength and my own decision making. These days are the ones that I tend me be more depressed and more easily upset and moody. On the days that I am trusting in Him I feel a weight lifted off of me, at least to some degree.
You see, so for me it has held true, always has and always will, that trusting on the Lord, God Almighty, is not only holding my hand as I walk through life, he is carrying me when I can no longer stand.
Only God has been able to fill the void, that hole that abyss in my life. Only God ever can. I have learned that nothing I do will ever fill that void. I have learned that being hedonistic only digs that void deeper. I have done a lot of screwed up things in my life. I have seen others do messed up things in their life, too. Coming to the saving grace of our Lord Jesus is the only thing that can ever fill that void. I hve never found anything that comes close to His power and love.
I know I am babbling today. my mind is wandering a lot it seems. I pray you all have a terrifically blessed day and May you always rely in the salvation of our Lord and Saviour to help hold you strong and walking in His light. :o)
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Mike is sick, I am sick, Adam is sick - Daniel not so much.
Today is an unusual day. Mike is home from work, sick. Yup, I said it. The man who NEVER EVER calls into work sick called in this morning.
No, he does not have a runny nose, a cough or a stomach ache. He is dizzy still. He said he feels a bit like he is drunk. lol Now anyone who knows Mike knows he doesn't drink hardly and when he does he is a "lightweight" as the saying goes. It takes very little alcohol to make him feel buzzed. (Not that it takes a lot of alcohol to make me feel buzzed though, In fact I drink less then he does and I can't even finish one wine cooler!)
Today Mike is still in bed. He is never in bed this late! Well, I can't say never because he is in bed right now so saying never wouldn't be accurate. lol
I find it funny in a weird sort of way as to how our bodies react to situations. We can make ourselves more comfortable just by thinking of happy thoughts and relaxing places. We can make ourselves sick by worrying and/or being anxious. Our body can break out in hives from being nervous. God's creation can be ruled by emotions. If we let it, that is.
I know sometimes, it is hard to avoid the way our body reacts to situations. If we try I think we can change, even if it is ever so slightly, the natural bodily reactions to some situations. I am not sure how though. I'm sure there has to be a way though. God didn't make us defective or imperfect. He made us in His image, He is perfect. In His image, is a reflection of Him, perfection.
I found a site this mornign that talks about how you can help common ailments through food. I am going to see if it helps Mike today. I'll let you know. Right now I have to say good bye and go take care of my family.
Talk to you again soon I hope.
No, he does not have a runny nose, a cough or a stomach ache. He is dizzy still. He said he feels a bit like he is drunk. lol Now anyone who knows Mike knows he doesn't drink hardly and when he does he is a "lightweight" as the saying goes. It takes very little alcohol to make him feel buzzed. (Not that it takes a lot of alcohol to make me feel buzzed though, In fact I drink less then he does and I can't even finish one wine cooler!)
Today Mike is still in bed. He is never in bed this late! Well, I can't say never because he is in bed right now so saying never wouldn't be accurate. lol
I find it funny in a weird sort of way as to how our bodies react to situations. We can make ourselves more comfortable just by thinking of happy thoughts and relaxing places. We can make ourselves sick by worrying and/or being anxious. Our body can break out in hives from being nervous. God's creation can be ruled by emotions. If we let it, that is.
I know sometimes, it is hard to avoid the way our body reacts to situations. If we try I think we can change, even if it is ever so slightly, the natural bodily reactions to some situations. I am not sure how though. I'm sure there has to be a way though. God didn't make us defective or imperfect. He made us in His image, He is perfect. In His image, is a reflection of Him, perfection.
I found a site this mornign that talks about how you can help common ailments through food. I am going to see if it helps Mike today. I'll let you know. Right now I have to say good bye and go take care of my family.
Talk to you again soon I hope.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
worried sick
Literally.
Have you ever worried so much that it physically maked you sick? Well, that is what is happening here. I am actually sick, so is Adam. Ok so we are not horribly sick but mildly so, with actual viruses or germs of some sort. We have been for a bit now. I have a mild sore throat and a very mildly sore ear. Adam has the tail end of a cold. Daniel seems to be feeling just fine. Mike however, was perfectly fine until he heard news of his grandfather being admitted to the hospital agian. His grandfather is 93 and unsaved.
You see, it is totally human and normal to worry about those we love. When things are beyond our control we tend to worry about the outcome. For Mike though, he is not normal. lol I mean that in the nicest, most loving way possible, just to inform you. My husband is an Aspie, meaning he has Asperger's Syndrome. He is mildly affected but still has a lot of issues with handling and experiencing emotions. We have been married for 16 years now and he has only cried one time since I met him 18 years ago. He usually closes off any emotions he might have because he doesn't understand them and then make him feel uncomfortable. (Aspies tend to do that.) he is terrific (not in a good way) at compartmentalizing his feelings and explaining, logically, why he shouldn't and doesn't feel a certain way. He is very logical and it bugs me sometimes! lol
Ok, so what does Mike being an Aspie have to do with getting sick? Well, let me tell you that the mind is a confusing thing. One can actually make themselves sick with worry and anxiety. Mike wasn't sick before hearing the news of his grandfather's condition, which I will tell you later in this post. He only started feeling off AFTER I told him the news, then even worse when he couldn't meet up with his mom at the hospital this evening. All night he has felt "off" he says, sort of dizzy but not exactly, not actually "sick" but certainly not well either.
What do I mean by being sick? Well his stomach is off and he has little appetite. He feels a bit might headed and slightly dizzy. By the time he went to bed (about a half hour ago) he was feeling worse then he did when he arrived home. I know most of you probably think I am blowing things out of proportion and seeing things that are not there. I am not. I know my husband. This has happened many times before. Some might say it it can be easily rectified by giving it to God and I would totally agree with you. It is a very hard thing to do. It is. I know. Mike's anxiety, and feeling out of control makes his anxieties worse, has made his feel off more times then I can count. Usually it only lasts a short while, a day or two. I pray that is the case this time.
Anyhow, Mike's grandfather, Mark, was having chest pains all last week and the doctor did some tests on his heart. His medicine was adjusted on Friday and he was sent home. Then earlier today he started having really bad chest pains again. He called 911 and was taken to the ER where he was found to have had a heart attack. During an angioplasty surgery 2 small blockages were found in an area that cannot be reached and his stint, which was placed two years ago, had collapsed. They reopened the stint. After surgery he was experiencing even more pain and the doctor's were worried. Mark went in for a second surgery where more work was done on his heart. He is now recovering slowly in the hospital. His heart is in bad condition as it is and his kidneys are barely working. The tests and the surgeries have made both those issues worse. The next 24 hours are critical for his health, and more so for his salvation.
This is where all the worry and feeling sick comes in. Mark is not saved. I love the man very much so. I have never really known my own grandfather and over the years I have gotten very close to Mike's grandfather, Mark. He is knowledgeable and smart. He is funny and enjoyable to talk to. He cares about those he loves very much. He wants to see nothing but the best for his family and friends. He is a self made man. He started his own business and did very well for himself over the years. His knowledge has helped him acquire a lot in this world, tangible things and not so tangible things. He feels he does not need salvation. He has been a good enough person. But oh how he is wrong!!!!!! Even the best person in the world is still a sinner. He will not listen to us about salvation and when God is brought up (as it usually is with us) he shuts down and changes the subject. He is a stubborn, old, catholic, Italian man who is very prideful but we do love him so.
None of us are perfect, especially me. I am not here to condemn the man just to point out his refusal for salvation. This is what is making Mike sick. He is worried more about Mark's salvation and eternal resting place, then he is about whether or not Mark makes it through this ordeal alive.
My husband has a huge heart. He is caring, loving and attentive. He just doesn't always know how to show it but it's there. I wish I could make him feel better. I wish I could take this worry away from him. I wish, I pray Mark would get saved. To see him know the Lord like we do, better then us, would be the most wonderful thing we could experience right now.
Thank you for listening to my ramblings and my venting. I sit here teary eyed and quietly praying for hte soul of a man that I love very much. Pleae, if you think of it will you pray for him too? Thank you
Have you ever worried so much that it physically maked you sick? Well, that is what is happening here. I am actually sick, so is Adam. Ok so we are not horribly sick but mildly so, with actual viruses or germs of some sort. We have been for a bit now. I have a mild sore throat and a very mildly sore ear. Adam has the tail end of a cold. Daniel seems to be feeling just fine. Mike however, was perfectly fine until he heard news of his grandfather being admitted to the hospital agian. His grandfather is 93 and unsaved.
You see, it is totally human and normal to worry about those we love. When things are beyond our control we tend to worry about the outcome. For Mike though, he is not normal. lol I mean that in the nicest, most loving way possible, just to inform you. My husband is an Aspie, meaning he has Asperger's Syndrome. He is mildly affected but still has a lot of issues with handling and experiencing emotions. We have been married for 16 years now and he has only cried one time since I met him 18 years ago. He usually closes off any emotions he might have because he doesn't understand them and then make him feel uncomfortable. (Aspies tend to do that.) he is terrific (not in a good way) at compartmentalizing his feelings and explaining, logically, why he shouldn't and doesn't feel a certain way. He is very logical and it bugs me sometimes! lol
Ok, so what does Mike being an Aspie have to do with getting sick? Well, let me tell you that the mind is a confusing thing. One can actually make themselves sick with worry and anxiety. Mike wasn't sick before hearing the news of his grandfather's condition, which I will tell you later in this post. He only started feeling off AFTER I told him the news, then even worse when he couldn't meet up with his mom at the hospital this evening. All night he has felt "off" he says, sort of dizzy but not exactly, not actually "sick" but certainly not well either.
What do I mean by being sick? Well his stomach is off and he has little appetite. He feels a bit might headed and slightly dizzy. By the time he went to bed (about a half hour ago) he was feeling worse then he did when he arrived home. I know most of you probably think I am blowing things out of proportion and seeing things that are not there. I am not. I know my husband. This has happened many times before. Some might say it it can be easily rectified by giving it to God and I would totally agree with you. It is a very hard thing to do. It is. I know. Mike's anxiety, and feeling out of control makes his anxieties worse, has made his feel off more times then I can count. Usually it only lasts a short while, a day or two. I pray that is the case this time.
Anyhow, Mike's grandfather, Mark, was having chest pains all last week and the doctor did some tests on his heart. His medicine was adjusted on Friday and he was sent home. Then earlier today he started having really bad chest pains again. He called 911 and was taken to the ER where he was found to have had a heart attack. During an angioplasty surgery 2 small blockages were found in an area that cannot be reached and his stint, which was placed two years ago, had collapsed. They reopened the stint. After surgery he was experiencing even more pain and the doctor's were worried. Mark went in for a second surgery where more work was done on his heart. He is now recovering slowly in the hospital. His heart is in bad condition as it is and his kidneys are barely working. The tests and the surgeries have made both those issues worse. The next 24 hours are critical for his health, and more so for his salvation.
This is where all the worry and feeling sick comes in. Mark is not saved. I love the man very much so. I have never really known my own grandfather and over the years I have gotten very close to Mike's grandfather, Mark. He is knowledgeable and smart. He is funny and enjoyable to talk to. He cares about those he loves very much. He wants to see nothing but the best for his family and friends. He is a self made man. He started his own business and did very well for himself over the years. His knowledge has helped him acquire a lot in this world, tangible things and not so tangible things. He feels he does not need salvation. He has been a good enough person. But oh how he is wrong!!!!!! Even the best person in the world is still a sinner. He will not listen to us about salvation and when God is brought up (as it usually is with us) he shuts down and changes the subject. He is a stubborn, old, catholic, Italian man who is very prideful but we do love him so.
None of us are perfect, especially me. I am not here to condemn the man just to point out his refusal for salvation. This is what is making Mike sick. He is worried more about Mark's salvation and eternal resting place, then he is about whether or not Mark makes it through this ordeal alive.
My husband has a huge heart. He is caring, loving and attentive. He just doesn't always know how to show it but it's there. I wish I could make him feel better. I wish I could take this worry away from him. I wish, I pray Mark would get saved. To see him know the Lord like we do, better then us, would be the most wonderful thing we could experience right now.
Thank you for listening to my ramblings and my venting. I sit here teary eyed and quietly praying for hte soul of a man that I love very much. Pleae, if you think of it will you pray for him too? Thank you
Life is pretty good here.
Written a few days ago.
Mike and the kids are watching Animaniacs, I am sitting near them playing on the computer. Dinner was yummy and everyone ate it all up. That is a good thing! lol
So today I had planned to get all this stuff done you know? I don't even know why I get my hopes up. I end up being way to tired to do anything.... When I do some things it is never the stuff I had planned. It's always normal household chores. lol You know some days I certainly feel like a maid, teacher, nanny and cook for that seems to be all I can manage to get done. lol
So what things would I like to do? Well, First of all I want to make cookies. and bread, and banana bread..... mmmmmmmm Then I wanted to soak in a tub for a while. (NOT! what was I thinking? soaking? that is a laugh!)
Then I had not actually hoped for this today but I would have been over joyed if I had time for it. I want to scrapbook again. I miss it a lot.
I have been trying to take time to do somethings that I haven't seemed to have time to do in the past. I am making the time now. I have put my foot down (so to speak) and decided I was going to read the whole Bible straight through in a year. I have also decided that I have to go through all the pictures I have on the computer and organize them so I can actually find the ones I need when I want them. Seeing as how I have over 19,000 pictures I knwo that will take A LOT of work. but it does need to get done. lol I sure do have my work cut out for me don't I? You know I think I am addicted to using my camera. lol I know there will be a lot of pictures I can delete once I start going through them. I mean I do not need the fuzzy, blurry ones nor do I need multiple copies of similar pictures. lol
What things do you do that keeps you so busy? What things would you like to do that you cannot seem to find the time to do? What takes precedence in your life?
I know that I am also trying to do a woman's books study with a few ladies from church, read the Bible in a year and do daily devotions. I need to be more diligent to get through these everyday. I tend to be a bit lazy when it comes to these things. I pray God gives me strength, energy and desire to do His will each day. I pray you do also.
Mike and the kids are watching Animaniacs, I am sitting near them playing on the computer. Dinner was yummy and everyone ate it all up. That is a good thing! lol
So today I had planned to get all this stuff done you know? I don't even know why I get my hopes up. I end up being way to tired to do anything.... When I do some things it is never the stuff I had planned. It's always normal household chores. lol You know some days I certainly feel like a maid, teacher, nanny and cook for that seems to be all I can manage to get done. lol
So what things would I like to do? Well, First of all I want to make cookies. and bread, and banana bread..... mmmmmmmm Then I wanted to soak in a tub for a while. (NOT! what was I thinking? soaking? that is a laugh!)
Then I had not actually hoped for this today but I would have been over joyed if I had time for it. I want to scrapbook again. I miss it a lot.
I have been trying to take time to do somethings that I haven't seemed to have time to do in the past. I am making the time now. I have put my foot down (so to speak) and decided I was going to read the whole Bible straight through in a year. I have also decided that I have to go through all the pictures I have on the computer and organize them so I can actually find the ones I need when I want them. Seeing as how I have over 19,000 pictures I knwo that will take A LOT of work. but it does need to get done. lol I sure do have my work cut out for me don't I? You know I think I am addicted to using my camera. lol I know there will be a lot of pictures I can delete once I start going through them. I mean I do not need the fuzzy, blurry ones nor do I need multiple copies of similar pictures. lol
What things do you do that keeps you so busy? What things would you like to do that you cannot seem to find the time to do? What takes precedence in your life?
I know that I am also trying to do a woman's books study with a few ladies from church, read the Bible in a year and do daily devotions. I need to be more diligent to get through these everyday. I tend to be a bit lazy when it comes to these things. I pray God gives me strength, energy and desire to do His will each day. I pray you do also.
a few things to blog about today
Ok, so I have wanted to blog about a few things lately but have not really had the time. when I did have a few minutes the computer was way to slow so I gave up on it. So, since I had thoughts I wanted to get out of my head I decided to type them up in MS Word. I have copied them below.
When I think like this, what makes me so sure I am right? I am human. Does that make it right? No it certainly does not. But our minds like to convince us we are. Our flesh is something we are always fighting against. The only way to win that war (and it really is a war) is to constantly give our minds, bodies and souls to God. If we start the day out right, with the Word of God and a conversation with Hm then we set ourselves up for a more peaceful day. By doing those two things we are covering ourselves up with the armor of God and it will protect us from our flesh, from Satan’s attacks and from anything that tries to pull us from Him. So the next time I start back talking to God I need to remember this. I hope that I do.
well, I think that is all for today. I will try to write more tonight before bed.
~~~ Keep your eyes on Jesus and you will not stumble on the path. ~~~
Hedonism
Man is very hedonistic. Two week’s ago, church service focused on just that. People like to focus on what makes them happy, that is not so bad right? I’m mean if it feels good then it has to be good for you right? Well, turns out that is not the correct way to think. Who woulda thunk? Lol Well, I liked the service quite a lot. It not only made me think of people whom I know that are like that but it made me stop and think about I can be hedonistic in my life.
So what is hedonistic? Well simply put, according to Wikipedia.com it is a school of thought, which argues that pleasure, is the only intrinsic good. Basically being hedonistic says that you are only here for what pleasure you can gain out of life.
Recently my youngest has gotten into the attitude that people should do things as he wishes them to be done. My youngest also seems to think that when he is getting punished he can justify his way out of it by explaining himself to me. I hate that. Lol So I am always having to explain to him that his behavior is not acceptable and justifying it will only get him into more trouble. I think slowly, he is getting the point.
You ever feel like sometimes God has to do that to us? I certainly do. Now, I would love to sit here and say that my life is perfect and that I can show you all how to be perfect too but that is so not true!
It’s times like this that I stop and think ok how am I being self-centered, cause that is what hedonistic stems from. Me Me Me…. It’s all about what I can get, what is enjoyable for ME. There are times when I think that way, and then there are times when I do not think that way. Thankfully those times I do not think that way are a lot more often. When I do think that way I just have to stop and ask God to help me think correctly. Bratty kids
You know how your kids can get these attitudes and say smart alec remarks and such? When I tell my kids to do something that they do not think does not need to get done or doesn’t need to get done right then; they get snippy and rude to me, especially my oldest. This grates on me terribly and I discipline for it each time.
Do we ever think about how we react to God when he asks us to something we don’t want to do? We do the same thing, maybe not verbally though but in our minds. I know I do. I think I know it all some days, just like my kids seem to think at times. I think I know what God wants me to do but I really do not. I think I know what is best for me, but again, I really do not.
well, I think that is all for today. I will try to write more tonight before bed.
~~~ Keep your eyes on Jesus and you will not stumble on the path. ~~~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)