depression sucks rocks!

Supplements - hokum, right? vitamins - just a way for companies to make money on the niavity of the citizens. With all my medical issues taking vitamins and supplements won't help me much. I need to take prescriptions, right? Going off my meds is scary. How will I think and behave? I will become a basket case. I guess I am at the mercy of the doctors and pharmaceutical companies. UGH!!!!! Life is hard enough with out all these thoughts running through my head.

Ok, so where am I going with all this? Well, let me start from the beginning.  About 15 years ago I started having pains that were eventually found to be endometriosis. After 5 years of arguing with the insurance company I had  full hysterectomy. I thought that would be start of a pain free life. Little did I know then that it was only the start of a very, very long depressing road. After the surgery, I was diagnosed with a thyroid problem and depression along with being forced (due to the surgery) into menopause. All at the early age of 30. It was as if someone took my life and tossed it out the window. I was pain free for the most part but my whole personality changed. I was no longer the carefree loving life type of person. I hated what I had become. I tried to do the same things and live my life as "normal" as I could but I didn't have the heart for it anymore.

I have tried medicine after medicine. they have had one bad side effect after another, some of them particularly bad and uncontrollable. The meds were making me feel emotionally better, not great, just better. They were also controlling my life, ruining it day by day. I have two kids whom I homeschooled for many years before putting them into public school. (I eventually pulled them both out and am now homeschooling them again.) I couldn't take care of them they way I wanted to, the way I felt God wanted me to. I just didn't have the heart for life, being a mom, being a wife. Most days people had no idea how bad I felt because I tried to hide it but those who knew me best knew I was different.

I also have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome which causes a great deal of pain and tiredness. Along with the depression life pretty much sucked a lot. Now, don't think I was so bad that I wished to end my life. Praise the Lord that it never actually came to that. Even though I was depressed I was not suicidal thankfully!

Ok, so why am I telling you all of this??? It seems pretty dumb to tell my life story to those I do not really know. Why am I putting my medical issues on line for you to read? Is it becuase I want your sympathies? Oh heavens NO!!! I do not want your pity nor am I seeking attention. I am just simply sharing some amazing things with you that have happened to my lately.

Well, frankly that is the way life USED to be until a couple of days ago. I say used to be like becauase as of the last 4 or so days I have a new outlook on life and an whole new way of thinking and feeling. Praise the Lord!!! He is AMAZING!!!

St John's Wort is my new best friend! lol Ok, not my best friend but pretty close to it!

I started on a new medicine a while back that gave me some nasty shaking all day long! It drove me nuts. On top of that the doctor in all her college smartness thought that increasing the dose would actually help calm the shaking and make me feel better. Well, that didn't happen! lol (I actually love my doctor, she's really cool.)
I was really sick of all the side effects I would get taking all these stupid medications the doctors were prescribing to me. I had to do something!

Mike, my wonderfully, amazing husband, (and other people I know) have been talking to me over the years about trying vitamins. I have tried some but with a lot of skepticism. This time I thought I would try it again. Mike has been asking me to try St. John's Wort. So after all the shaking I have been doing I gave it a try. Not thinking anything would work I thought I was at the mercy of the medications; like it or not. What could it hurt to at least try the supplement? I had nothing to loose except the shaking, right I was getting desperate. I had to stop shaking! It was interfering with my daily life. So, I tried the suplement.

WOW!!!!! It works amazingly well!!!! I have read research on it and everything I see says that it takes up to 6 or so weeks for St. John's Wort to take full effect, though in just 2 days I felt so much better!!!!!! ONLY 2 DAYS!!!

It has been 3 or 4 days now and I have not taken any of my prescription medicines. I am not taking my depression med, my thyroid med nor my estrogen for menopause but I am not having any effects that would seem to happen if I miss a dose of my medicine. (I always get the withdrawal feelings if I miss a dose or two.)
I have not felt this great in so long. Over the last 10 or so years I have had a lot of trial and error with medications and supplements alike. I have NEVER had such a wonderful response to any of these until now.

I am not so naive that I might start to think that this little pill is the answer to all my depression problems. I am not holding onto the medication as a safety met or a cure all for my issues. I am smart enough to know that God is more powerful then anything we can imagine!!!! I am relying on God to help me through all of these though. God is bigger then any medicine man can come up with or find. God can and does use things to wake us up and help us through our issues. We have to have faith in Him to do so. He will if we seek Him and just ask. I am proof of that.

So, in all your tough moments in life remember that God is bigger then any of them and rely on Him. He is always there for you just waiting for you to seek Him and lean on Him. Sometimes He uses the little things here on Earth to help us out in our time of need.

As I told a friend at church this morning I am feel like I am waiting for the shoe to drop and to start feeling depressed again. She told me in all her wonderful joyfulness that the shoe won't drop because God is holding it so it won't. lol

I may become depressed again and if I do that is ok. I will deal with it when that happens. If it doesn't and I pray it won't, I know God will always be there for me to lean on. I know God deserves all the glory for how I feel. Praise His Holy Name!