Supplements - hokum, right? vitamins - just a way for companies to make money on the niavity of the citizens. With all my medical issues taking vitamins and supplements won't help me much. I need to take prescriptions, right? Going off my meds is scary. How will I think and behave? I will become a basket case. I guess I am at the mercy of the doctors and pharmaceutical companies. UGH!!!!! Life is hard enough with out all these thoughts running through my head.
Ok, so where am I going with all this? Well, let me start from the beginning. About 15 years ago I started having pains that were eventually found to be endometriosis. After 5 years of arguing with the insurance company I had full hysterectomy. I thought that would be start of a pain free life. Little did I know then that it was only the start of a very, very long depressing road. After the surgery, I was diagnosed with a thyroid problem and depression along with being forced (due to the surgery) into menopause. All at the early age of 30. It was as if someone took my life and tossed it out the window. I was pain free for the most part but my whole personality changed. I was no longer the carefree loving life type of person. I hated what I had become. I tried to do the same things and live my life as "normal" as I could but I didn't have the heart for it anymore.
I have tried medicine after medicine. they have had one bad side effect after another, some of them particularly bad and uncontrollable. The meds were making me feel emotionally better, not great, just better. They were also controlling my life, ruining it day by day. I have two kids whom I homeschooled for many years before putting them into public school. (I eventually pulled them both out and am now homeschooling them again.) I couldn't take care of them they way I wanted to, the way I felt God wanted me to. I just didn't have the heart for life, being a mom, being a wife. Most days people had no idea how bad I felt because I tried to hide it but those who knew me best knew I was different.
I also have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome which causes a great deal of pain and tiredness. Along with the depression life pretty much sucked a lot. Now, don't think I was so bad that I wished to end my life. Praise the Lord that it never actually came to that. Even though I was depressed I was not suicidal thankfully!
Ok, so why am I telling you all of this??? It seems pretty dumb to tell my life story to those I do not really know. Why am I putting my medical issues on line for you to read? Is it becuase I want your sympathies? Oh heavens NO!!! I do not want your pity nor am I seeking attention. I am just simply sharing some amazing things with you that have happened to my lately.
Well, frankly that is the way life USED to be until a couple of days ago. I say used to be like becauase as of the last 4 or so days I have a new outlook on life and an whole new way of thinking and feeling. Praise the Lord!!! He is AMAZING!!!
St John's Wort is my new best friend! lol Ok, not my best friend but pretty close to it!
I started on a new medicine a while back that gave me some nasty shaking all day long! It drove me nuts. On top of that the doctor in all her college smartness thought that increasing the dose would actually help calm the shaking and make me feel better. Well, that didn't happen! lol (I actually love my doctor, she's really cool.)
I was really sick of all the side effects I would get taking all these stupid medications the doctors were prescribing to me. I had to do something!
Mike, my wonderfully, amazing husband, (and other people I know) have been talking to me over the years about trying vitamins. I have tried some but with a lot of skepticism. This time I thought I would try it again. Mike has been asking me to try St. John's Wort. So after all the shaking I have been doing I gave it a try. Not thinking anything would work I thought I was at the mercy of the medications; like it or not. What could it hurt to at least try the supplement? I had nothing to loose except the shaking, right I was getting desperate. I had to stop shaking! It was interfering with my daily life. So, I tried the suplement.
WOW!!!!! It works amazingly well!!!! I have read research on it and everything I see says that it takes up to 6 or so weeks for St. John's Wort to take full effect, though in just 2 days I felt so much better!!!!!! ONLY 2 DAYS!!!
It has been 3 or 4 days now and I have not taken any of my prescription medicines. I am not taking my depression med, my thyroid med nor my estrogen for menopause but I am not having any effects that would seem to happen if I miss a dose of my medicine. (I always get the withdrawal feelings if I miss a dose or two.)
I have not felt this great in so long. Over the last 10 or so years I have had a lot of trial and error with medications and supplements alike. I have NEVER had such a wonderful response to any of these until now.
I am not so naive that I might start to think that this little pill is the answer to all my depression problems. I am not holding onto the medication as a safety met or a cure all for my issues. I am smart enough to know that God is more powerful then anything we can imagine!!!! I am relying on God to help me through all of these though. God is bigger then any medicine man can come up with or find. God can and does use things to wake us up and help us through our issues. We have to have faith in Him to do so. He will if we seek Him and just ask. I am proof of that.
So, in all your tough moments in life remember that God is bigger then any of them and rely on Him. He is always there for you just waiting for you to seek Him and lean on Him. Sometimes He uses the little things here on Earth to help us out in our time of need.
As I told a friend at church this morning I am feel like I am waiting for the shoe to drop and to start feeling depressed again. She told me in all her wonderful joyfulness that the shoe won't drop because God is holding it so it won't. lol
I may become depressed again and if I do that is ok. I will deal with it when that happens. If it doesn't and I pray it won't, I know God will always be there for me to lean on. I know God deserves all the glory for how I feel. Praise His Holy Name!
God's goal for you in life.
Life goes on, move with it
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
so life hands us more lessons
Ok, I find this really funny in an ironic sort of way. God certainly does have a way of using things in our lives to teach us things and also using things to remind us of His love.
After I wrote the post yesterday I went to church this morning. The service was amazing as usual, but it seemed familiar to me after writing last night's post. Today's teaching was about the second half of Romans 8. Matt, our pastor, used this part of Scriptures to remind us that in order for God to work in our lives we have to do a few things ourselves. First we need to ask Him for guidance. Second;y, we need to look for open doors and opportunities that He has provided for us. Matt's example was if you are looking for a job and putting in applications then Wendy's calls you TAKE THE JOB! Yes it may not be the highest paying job out there. It may not even cover all your bills and provide for your family however, it is income while you continue to search out better employment. By not taking the job offer you are closing the window that God has opened up for you. This made me think of my comment last night in my post that God has given me opportunities to make me feel better. He has kept me busy with little things that have been distracting me from being depressed.
All Pastor Matt's teachings are on line and downloadable from the church's website.
I hope that any and all the online teachings at www.1wayjesus.org are helpful to you. I know they are to me.
I'll write more soon if I can. :o) Until then God Bless!!!
After I wrote the post yesterday I went to church this morning. The service was amazing as usual, but it seemed familiar to me after writing last night's post. Today's teaching was about the second half of Romans 8. Matt, our pastor, used this part of Scriptures to remind us that in order for God to work in our lives we have to do a few things ourselves. First we need to ask Him for guidance. Second;y, we need to look for open doors and opportunities that He has provided for us. Matt's example was if you are looking for a job and putting in applications then Wendy's calls you TAKE THE JOB! Yes it may not be the highest paying job out there. It may not even cover all your bills and provide for your family however, it is income while you continue to search out better employment. By not taking the job offer you are closing the window that God has opened up for you. This made me think of my comment last night in my post that God has given me opportunities to make me feel better. He has kept me busy with little things that have been distracting me from being depressed.
All Pastor Matt's teachings are on line and downloadable from the church's website.
I hope that any and all the online teachings at www.1wayjesus.org are helpful to you. I know they are to me.
I'll write more soon if I can. :o) Until then God Bless!!!
wow it's been ages
Hi people! Ok, so it really has been ages since I have blogged. tonight I'm not really up to it but I feel like I should, so here I am.
Things lately have been sort of strange on my end. Even though I may seem fine, physically, I am most assuredly not fine emotionally. Most every one who knows me knows I have depression due to a chemical imbalance. It is not fun, nor easy to deal with. I have had to switch medications numerous times because I am sensitive to the side effects or the meds just don't work for me. You can just imagine how frustrating this can be for me and my doctors. lol I guess the most frustrating part of all this is tryint to trust in the Lord.
Some days it is easy to trust Him. Some days I seem to have an overabundance amount of trust for my Saviour. Other days I wonder how things will get better and what I did to deserve having this issue. Some days I hate my life and I hate being depressed and I hate God for allowing me to become depressed. But no matter what kind of day I find myself having I know that God, the Creator of the universe, loves me enough to die for my sins so that I can spend eternity with Him. Now that is an enormous amount of love. Even on my worst days that alone helps pull me through.
I don't mention any of this to get people to pity me or feel bad for me. I mention it to get people a reality check. Life is hard but God is there for each one of us no matter if we ask Him to be or not.
Life with depression is not easy. It makes it difficult to be a wife, to be a mom, to be a homeschooling teacher, to be of use to the Lord. When I was little I watched my mom go through stages of depression and manic episodes. She was in the hospital quite a lot. I remember visiting her in the hospital while she was under psychiatric care. They, the docs, diagnosed her as a manic-depressive, today that is referred to as being bi-polar. Let me tell you, it's not easy to live with. One moment she was in the best mood, the next she was beating the daylights out of us, her children - literally beating us. She could be laughing and playing with us in the morning and by lunch time she would be full of anger and hate. She cried a lot at night. I never really knew why. Now I do. For some reason, maybe because she didn't take her meds the way she was supposed to - I don't know, her moods never seemed to stabilize until all her kids were in foster care. Even then her moods didn't stay normal. She suffered quite a lot while she was alive. I regret how things were with my mother while I was a kid. Maybe being able to go through some of what she went through with depression was the only way I would understand and sympathize with her. I don't know. Whatever reason I have depression now & the fact is it is not going away by itself. It's here. I have to deal with it.
I guess you might be wondering why I am writing this? Well, for a very particular reason. (Which is more for me then for you actually. lol) Life is hard for everyone. Not only me. Not only you. It is not going to get better by sitting on our tush and doing nothing about it. One cannot wish things better without actually doing something to improve their situation. Like tonight, I am depressed, I have been all day. I have been for days now. I have fought tears all day. But what do I do? I refuse to sit around and cry. I was able to be blessed by a wonderful friend who came over today and colored my hair for me. I was able to see another friend who stopped by also. Having people around, even though I did not feel like actually have anyone here, helped me feel better. Tonight, instead of crying I got out my hair accessories and braided my hair. Doing so made me feel better about myself and brightened up my spirits. Even though it did not take away the depression it did make it easier to deal with.
So you see, life is hard, but you don't have to sit around and let it be. Prayer is always the answer!!! I have prayed all day that I would feel better. I have prayed all day that God would help me through the day. God has given me the desire to do something about my situation and not sit around moping. Do I still feel depressed? Yes. Do I still want to cry for no reason? Yes. Am I crying? No. Why? What will that help? It won't. Now I'm not saying that if I cried that would be a bad things either. If I cried that would be ok but it's not helping me feel any better, now is it? No. God has given me a huge desire not to sit idly by and watch my life pass me. God has given me a huge desire to be happy even when the chemicals in my body make the very difficult to do so. When life seems to be falling around me and life seems to be bringing me down, the only place to look is up. Looking up brings me to look at my Saviour. If He could have endured what He did here on Earth, the beatings, the ridicule the mocking, having His Father - part of himself - look away from him, then I can deal with a little sadness.
On your worst days try to remember that others out there are worse off then you. Try to to remember that you can always chose how to proceed with your life. Will you chose to sit and wallow in self pity? Will you allow your feelings to control your life? I personally refuse to do that. I pray you do also. Only God has been my strength and I know from experience that ONLY God can ever be my strength. I have leaned on others and other things before to help me through my difficult times. All have failed to help but God has never failed, nor will He ever fail. So, on you worst days, lean on Him for He will hold you up.
Whatever you do, please do not feel sorry for me having depression. It is what it is. Let's move on. I'm trying to. :o)
Things lately have been sort of strange on my end. Even though I may seem fine, physically, I am most assuredly not fine emotionally. Most every one who knows me knows I have depression due to a chemical imbalance. It is not fun, nor easy to deal with. I have had to switch medications numerous times because I am sensitive to the side effects or the meds just don't work for me. You can just imagine how frustrating this can be for me and my doctors. lol I guess the most frustrating part of all this is tryint to trust in the Lord.
Some days it is easy to trust Him. Some days I seem to have an overabundance amount of trust for my Saviour. Other days I wonder how things will get better and what I did to deserve having this issue. Some days I hate my life and I hate being depressed and I hate God for allowing me to become depressed. But no matter what kind of day I find myself having I know that God, the Creator of the universe, loves me enough to die for my sins so that I can spend eternity with Him. Now that is an enormous amount of love. Even on my worst days that alone helps pull me through.
I don't mention any of this to get people to pity me or feel bad for me. I mention it to get people a reality check. Life is hard but God is there for each one of us no matter if we ask Him to be or not.
Life with depression is not easy. It makes it difficult to be a wife, to be a mom, to be a homeschooling teacher, to be of use to the Lord. When I was little I watched my mom go through stages of depression and manic episodes. She was in the hospital quite a lot. I remember visiting her in the hospital while she was under psychiatric care. They, the docs, diagnosed her as a manic-depressive, today that is referred to as being bi-polar. Let me tell you, it's not easy to live with. One moment she was in the best mood, the next she was beating the daylights out of us, her children - literally beating us. She could be laughing and playing with us in the morning and by lunch time she would be full of anger and hate. She cried a lot at night. I never really knew why. Now I do. For some reason, maybe because she didn't take her meds the way she was supposed to - I don't know, her moods never seemed to stabilize until all her kids were in foster care. Even then her moods didn't stay normal. She suffered quite a lot while she was alive. I regret how things were with my mother while I was a kid. Maybe being able to go through some of what she went through with depression was the only way I would understand and sympathize with her. I don't know. Whatever reason I have depression now & the fact is it is not going away by itself. It's here. I have to deal with it.
I guess you might be wondering why I am writing this? Well, for a very particular reason. (Which is more for me then for you actually. lol) Life is hard for everyone. Not only me. Not only you. It is not going to get better by sitting on our tush and doing nothing about it. One cannot wish things better without actually doing something to improve their situation. Like tonight, I am depressed, I have been all day. I have been for days now. I have fought tears all day. But what do I do? I refuse to sit around and cry. I was able to be blessed by a wonderful friend who came over today and colored my hair for me. I was able to see another friend who stopped by also. Having people around, even though I did not feel like actually have anyone here, helped me feel better. Tonight, instead of crying I got out my hair accessories and braided my hair. Doing so made me feel better about myself and brightened up my spirits. Even though it did not take away the depression it did make it easier to deal with.
So you see, life is hard, but you don't have to sit around and let it be. Prayer is always the answer!!! I have prayed all day that I would feel better. I have prayed all day that God would help me through the day. God has given me the desire to do something about my situation and not sit around moping. Do I still feel depressed? Yes. Do I still want to cry for no reason? Yes. Am I crying? No. Why? What will that help? It won't. Now I'm not saying that if I cried that would be a bad things either. If I cried that would be ok but it's not helping me feel any better, now is it? No. God has given me a huge desire not to sit idly by and watch my life pass me. God has given me a huge desire to be happy even when the chemicals in my body make the very difficult to do so. When life seems to be falling around me and life seems to be bringing me down, the only place to look is up. Looking up brings me to look at my Saviour. If He could have endured what He did here on Earth, the beatings, the ridicule the mocking, having His Father - part of himself - look away from him, then I can deal with a little sadness.
On your worst days try to remember that others out there are worse off then you. Try to to remember that you can always chose how to proceed with your life. Will you chose to sit and wallow in self pity? Will you allow your feelings to control your life? I personally refuse to do that. I pray you do also. Only God has been my strength and I know from experience that ONLY God can ever be my strength. I have leaned on others and other things before to help me through my difficult times. All have failed to help but God has never failed, nor will He ever fail. So, on you worst days, lean on Him for He will hold you up.
Whatever you do, please do not feel sorry for me having depression. It is what it is. Let's move on. I'm trying to. :o)
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