becareful little minds what you think..........

Today has a been a rough day for me. I have had a lot of emotional downs. I wish I could say I do not know why but in fact I do know. I just wish I did not though. One, I have not been taken my medicines (thyroid, depression, estrogen, etc...) for a few days as the holidays have kept me distracted. Two, I am too emotionally led astray, it is my weakness. I wish for people, all people, to like me. If for some reason they do not, or seem as if they do not, it concerns me a great deal. It's not that I want to be the most popular girl around but I do not want to be unpopular either. Sometimes it feels as if people not liking me effects how I like myself. Now that may not make sense to some people but to me it makes perfect sense. 

There has been a lot of things in my past that can be seen as proof that people whom you would think would love me in reality love themselves more. I know that this isn't my fault and I know that these people truly did love me but had no idea how to show it to me. Through circumstances beyond my control it seems people have left my life forever without really seeming to care that I was hurt. I know I am not supposed to dwell on the past and honestly I do not. I do know though, that my past has helped to shape me into the being that I am today. I also know that God can reshape me into anything He wishes me to be, IF I let Him. It's that last part that always catches me; the IF. It's not like I do not want Him to shape me to fit His will, but I do not want to give up trying to handle it myself either. It's as if by letting go and giving to God I will be admitting failure. No one I know really wants to admit failure. To be honest with God though, we must. 

I started writing this post tonight not really knowing where this would go, how I would express my thoughts, what I would say or not say and still not let it become a pity party of 1, spread through out cyberspace. So I started praying. God give me the words to speak. Give me the guidance to clear my mind of all this self-pity. Through writing this I can see that the self pity is entirely my fault. I do not need people to like me, nor do I need to please others. Through pleasing God and letting His light shine I will not feel lonely. I will not feel sad. It is a hard thing to do though, so I truly do covet your prayers.

Right before starting this post I read a post from a facebook friend. The lady that posted it is always posting wonderfully encouraging things to help people remember to focus on Christ. This is what she posted. 

WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A PLACE OF FEAR AND CONFUSION, GOD'S WORDS ARE STRONG: DON'T BE AFRAID! STAND FIRM! BE STILL!! STOP CRYING OUT!! MOVE ON!! TO BELIEVE Ex14:13-15

This hit me particularly hard because I have been on and off crying all day today. So, even in my self-pity God was calling out to me for me to find comfort in His arms. And that I do!  So despite the ups and downs of the emotional roller coaster that is called my life God can even out the tracks and make the ride smooth. 

There are three things I need to do more on a daily basis to ensure that I keep my eyes focused, and my heart also, on Him. 

1. READ THE  WORD!!!! 

2. Pray without ceasing.

3. Give to God and not let my self worth be determined by others but by Him. 

oh and 4. take my medicines daily to help take care of the body God gave me.

Writing this blog is truly therapeutic for me. I write to clear my mind, to get my thoughts out in the open and to refocus them on Christ. This blog lets me do that in a way that I never would have imagined. Although I would love your comments and your insight, that is not the reason I write this blog, and it certainly is not needed for me to like myself. Without God I am nothing but WITH God I am everything! And so are you!!!