becareful little minds what you think..........

Today has a been a rough day for me. I have had a lot of emotional downs. I wish I could say I do not know why but in fact I do know. I just wish I did not though. One, I have not been taken my medicines (thyroid, depression, estrogen, etc...) for a few days as the holidays have kept me distracted. Two, I am too emotionally led astray, it is my weakness. I wish for people, all people, to like me. If for some reason they do not, or seem as if they do not, it concerns me a great deal. It's not that I want to be the most popular girl around but I do not want to be unpopular either. Sometimes it feels as if people not liking me effects how I like myself. Now that may not make sense to some people but to me it makes perfect sense. 

There has been a lot of things in my past that can be seen as proof that people whom you would think would love me in reality love themselves more. I know that this isn't my fault and I know that these people truly did love me but had no idea how to show it to me. Through circumstances beyond my control it seems people have left my life forever without really seeming to care that I was hurt. I know I am not supposed to dwell on the past and honestly I do not. I do know though, that my past has helped to shape me into the being that I am today. I also know that God can reshape me into anything He wishes me to be, IF I let Him. It's that last part that always catches me; the IF. It's not like I do not want Him to shape me to fit His will, but I do not want to give up trying to handle it myself either. It's as if by letting go and giving to God I will be admitting failure. No one I know really wants to admit failure. To be honest with God though, we must. 

I started writing this post tonight not really knowing where this would go, how I would express my thoughts, what I would say or not say and still not let it become a pity party of 1, spread through out cyberspace. So I started praying. God give me the words to speak. Give me the guidance to clear my mind of all this self-pity. Through writing this I can see that the self pity is entirely my fault. I do not need people to like me, nor do I need to please others. Through pleasing God and letting His light shine I will not feel lonely. I will not feel sad. It is a hard thing to do though, so I truly do covet your prayers.

Right before starting this post I read a post from a facebook friend. The lady that posted it is always posting wonderfully encouraging things to help people remember to focus on Christ. This is what she posted. 

WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A PLACE OF FEAR AND CONFUSION, GOD'S WORDS ARE STRONG: DON'T BE AFRAID! STAND FIRM! BE STILL!! STOP CRYING OUT!! MOVE ON!! TO BELIEVE Ex14:13-15

This hit me particularly hard because I have been on and off crying all day today. So, even in my self-pity God was calling out to me for me to find comfort in His arms. And that I do!  So despite the ups and downs of the emotional roller coaster that is called my life God can even out the tracks and make the ride smooth. 

There are three things I need to do more on a daily basis to ensure that I keep my eyes focused, and my heart also, on Him. 

1. READ THE  WORD!!!! 

2. Pray without ceasing.

3. Give to God and not let my self worth be determined by others but by Him. 

oh and 4. take my medicines daily to help take care of the body God gave me.

Writing this blog is truly therapeutic for me. I write to clear my mind, to get my thoughts out in the open and to refocus them on Christ. This blog lets me do that in a way that I never would have imagined. Although I would love your comments and your insight, that is not the reason I write this blog, and it certainly is not needed for me to like myself. Without God I am nothing but WITH God I am everything! And so are you!!!

change your expectations

I do not plan on writing this for too long this evening because I am tired......... It's been a long but really enjoyable day. Christmas is my favorite time of year. My birthday and Christmas are the only "holidays" I truly love.
Today I have had a few thoughts scampering around my brain. One of them has been to lower your expectations. you see Christmas can be wonderful or frustrating and sad. IT depends on your perspective and your expectations of the day. What will you get? How will dinner turn out? Will everyone get along? Will everyone like the gifts I bought them? There are so many things that can not only distract us from the true meaning of the celebration but also make us feel down in the dumps. This has happened to me more times then I care to admit. A number of years ago I used to have my expectations for presents much higher then I do now. You see women tend to think differently then men regarding many things, purchasing gifts is one of them. although my husband's intent was to buy things for me that I would love and that would show his love for me, he didn't always succeed. Now, I love my husband more then life itself (but not as much as God) but he doesn't always know what I like despite our 16 years of marriage. So when gift opening time came I always got disappointed, disappointing him in the process. Now, I focus on his intent instead of the gift. This year my husband bought me things that I would use, things that are practical and things I enjoy, such as bubble bath and a bath pillow. Now, although the gifts I received are not extravagant, nor are then fancy, they are things I love. Thought was put into the gifts. To me, now tha tI take thet ime to understand the love that went into picking out the gifts, I am no longer disappointed. I am rather thrilled that my husband loves me so much he thougth to vget that item, even if it is not one I would usually pick out.

So, don't set your expectations too high at Christmas time. No matter if you get exactly what you wished for or you received something stupid and lame, you are loved and that is always more important.

Thinking of how much you are loved, reminds me of how much we are all loved; by God. You see God gave up a part of Himself, His very own child, His only child. He did that because He wanted to spend eternity with His creations, us. He wanted to spend time with those He loves. His son, Jesus Christ, willingly gave up his Godhood for a time to become human, knowing full well that he would be ridiculed, tormented, attacked, sold for silver, beaten beyond recognition then hung on a cross to die. He was buried in a sealed tomb in the cold hard ground. But he did this all because He knew that it was the only way to get to spend eternity with those he loves. He rose from the grave to prove his love to us. What a love that is!!!!

So, I have two things to take for all this; do not set your expectations for gifts so high that you get disappointed and expect more from Christ as He loves you more then you know!

I pray you all had a wonderful Christmas, I know we did!

enjoying things to do

Have you ever been so busy that you feel as though you have to think to even breathe? Have you ever not had any time for yourself to relax? It's days like that that make me go crazy. It seems that I have a lot more of those days recently. By the end of the night I am very tired. The next morning I wake at 6, just in time to start babysitting.....

Well, tomorrow I do not have to babysit at 6 am so I am staying up late and relaxing. I made Christmas cards and watched a movie. It's times like this that I miss.

So anyhow, I was able to make 6 handmade Christmas cards tonight. I felt great afterwards! How refreshing it is to sit and relax doing something I really enjoy!

I am off to bed now but before I go I encourage yoiu to take the time to sit and do something just for you that you find really enjoyable. :) It is a refreshing few moments just for you. :)

God Bless

resting in His peace

Today was one of those days. You know the type; everything seems to try your patience. Everything seems to go belly up or fall flat on it's face. Well, today was that kind of day............

The days started out wonderfully. We all got up on the "right side of the bed' as the saying goes. :) And that is easy for me because I sleep on the right side of my bed! lol  Adam got up with us this morning because he wanted to go to prayer with us. Daniel wanted to stay home. Adam really just wanted to help us move some things around at church but to do so he had to attend prayer first as moving things followed the weekly prayer meeting. :D I guess that is one way to get him to come with us! lol

So, after prayer and rearranging rooms at church we had to go grocery shopping. If you have an aspie in your house you know that can be a challenge at times, especially around this busiest time of the year. Well, I have two aspies! lol The first store we went to was Wal-Mart Super-center. That went ok as I did most of the shopping without anyone else helping me. Mike helped a bit, and for that I was thankful. Adam went off on his own and left us to do what we had to get done. Then it was off to Aldi's for more grocery shopping. This can be challenging because the store isn't that spacious and I had a big list... One aspie was really wise and stayed in the car. He let me shop without him. :) Adam chose to listen to his book rather then shop, so Mike and I went in shopping by ourselves. We had a lot of things to get. Mike was really trying to be very helpful but he was actually stressing me out. I felt rushed and not able to think of what I needed to purchase. So far today, I felt drained.... After shopping we got into the car and Mike and I had a fight. I felt sooo bad afterward because he was only trying to help me.... He was really trying to be sweet but in my perfectionistic attitude and my need to control I didn't see it. So anyhow, on the way home Mike, being the sweet wonderful husband he is, stopped by another Aldi's that we were passing so that I could get the things the other Aldis's either didn't have or I had forgotten to get. So, I went in and got those few items. On the way home we went. All the groceries were taken upstairs and put away with out a problem.

Adam and I went to the library and the dollar store. We had a nice quiet mother and son time.


Then a few hours later Adam was getting hungry. He usually wants to eat in the living room, watching a video. It's not something I am particularly fond of, and really should not allow it as often as I do. Anyhow, Adam was getting a bowl of cereal ready to eat. Unlike any normal person he doesn't pour the cereal and then the milk and then goes to sit down. He brings all the supplies into the living room with him, then sets up the tv tray then pours the cereal and milk, then sits to eat. I have no idea why he does it this way but he always has. Well, I'm not sure why he thought that putting the milk on the couch while he set up the tv tray was a smart thing to do but that is what he did. And you guessed it! The whole full gallon tipped over and spilled all over our wall to wall carpeting, covering a large area. Of course, with the Christmas tree the furniture is a bit more cramped together then usual and the older couch got some milk on it too. I was not a happy person! Adam felt really bad but I still got pretty mad at him. Not for the spilled milk, but because he doesn't think all the way through sometimes, most times and as a result about a quart of milk went everywhere, or so it seemed. That was problem number two. Shopping was rushed and I felt stressed then I almost cried over spilled milk, literally. 

As I was cleaning up from dinner I started to see how gracious God was through out my rough day. He protected me while shopping as it was very busy and I was very tired and stressed. He gave me a wonderful husband who only wanted to help me. He gave us enough money to provide for all the groceries we wanted to get and then some. He protected Daniel while he was home alone for hours by himself. He gave Adam peace and a repentant heart. He gave me time to rest while everyone watched a video. He guided me to bit my tongue, although I didn't listen to Him as much as I should have.

So you see, even during the rough parts of life God is gracious, loving and kind. He is always there for us no matter what we do, no matter where we go. We can never be outside his grasp or his protection. He will never leave us nor forsake us. He is closer then a brother, close then a father, closer then your mother.... We cannot fathom how much He loves us, especially when we screw up and fall flat on our faces. Sometimes in order for us to realize how much we are not listening to Him we need to be brought to our knees. I just wish I didn't make the happen as often as I do, but I am thankful in more ways then I can count, that God is there for me no matter what. :)